An essay I wrote for my coursework in year 11, again when I was in dark times.

The day that changed me. Change is good right? This should be a happy story yes? No. The day that changed me ruined my life, and continues to everyday. Here's my story.

Lonely. Always so alone. Outcast. Never going to fit in. But the days you don't realise that you can't relate to your friends are better than the days you feel like you're invisible. Lively, happily chatting and socializing. Then you start to ponder on why you haven't been invited out or recieved a text from one of your "friends". You think non-stop about how lonely you are. The feeling of disappointment from your parents fill your brain.

It dawns on you. You're worthless.

These voices have entered your head like an anti-conscience conveying you to believe such lies. This is the day that changed me.

Dark, cold. They're so sneaky how they just crawl into your head and consume you. It's your own fault. You let them in. They see a gap and squeeze through with their slimy, scaly bodies. There is no escape once they're in. Once you start to think evil thoughts they see it as an invitiation: allow themselves in. They hunger for the weak souls filled with wonder and dreams. They will devour your every happy thought before your brain can process it into words. Because of the day that changed me.

Even the darkest of dark human beings could not enjoy such a empowering pain. It's awful because it's like a thousand little ghouls inside you are crammed in, it's too full and they're getting hot.

You're about to blow up!

It's terrible because no matter how many people tell you "It's ok" and "You're not alone" you still feel like you're in a big crowd of people screaming at the top of your lungs...but nobody can hear you. You're a cloak of invisibility that nobody notices. You take it off whenever somebody calls for you. As soon as they're finished, you crawl back into isolation. All because of one day that changed me.

Is that a light you see? Quick. Run to it, no matter how long it takes you. You want to be happy again don't you? Then try harder! Your friends, the only ones that know, are there guiding you through this dark, cold tunnel. Helping you to the other side. Sure, you still have your bad days. Who doesn't? Of course they're worse because you haven't had them as much. But remember how good it feels to be happy for a long streak. How good it feels for your arms and legs to be free from the cuts and stinging. Remember that? Before they took over you? That's what keeps you going. Your progress. Your dreams. Soon I'll forget the day that changed me.

You dream of it at night. Seeing your beautiful children with smiles on their faces all the time. Of working, and not having to worry and the "random downers" or the desperation. Smelling that sweet smell of the outside after spending day in, day out trapped in your room. The feeling of the weight finally lifted off your shoulders.


And ever.

The taste of all the food you had been starving yourself of because of those stupid, idiotic voices telling you how un-perfect you are. Hearing how happy you look lately, and "Your smile is really shining on your face!". It will happen. You know it. Just keep dreaming. You know they can't get in if you keep strong!

This will be the new day that changed me.

The day I'm waiting for.

Submitted: March 19, 2013

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