My Last Words for You

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A man who finally gets the girl he's been in love with for five years only to find out he can't stay with her...

Submitted: August 19, 2010

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Submitted: August 19, 2010

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My Last Words For You

As I looked into her majestic blue eyes, I felt like I had never been more in love before. Her flawless white face, her elegant attitude and that smile which said, “I need you”, had hypnotised me to the limit that I was going to ask her to move in with me. The part of me that cared about other things had vaporised into the wind and all that was left of me was the part that craved for her and no one or nothing else.
We had been in relationship for nearly two years when I reached that point. She was late again. I had asked her to meet me at Central Perk at 2.But she was worth the wait and I just didn’t mean that day only. It was a struggle of nearly five years of friendship of trying to get her since the first time I saw her. It was tough, considering the number of guys who had been after her and after patchy relationship with some of them; she finally fell in love with me. But really, I never complained that it took her five years to do that.
“Hey you!”. She called out to me as she reached me. She greeted me the way she always did, a kiss and a warm hug. And I never used to get tired of this but instead, every time she did that, I found myself lying, helplessly, deeper into her arms.
“What’s the occasion?” She asked, trying to find out why I had called her out of the blue. Then the time came. It was then or never. I boldly looked into those blue eyes that I was so fond of and said, ”Move in with me”. And a moment of silence was blown off by her hysterical tears and the inevitable answer that followed. She kissed me hard and long. I guess everyone who were around were watching us but the only person I cared about was in my arms and everything else started to disappear.
After a while, when our eyes finally dried, she hurriedly went outside and called a cab. She was running late for her work. I had taken a leave. We both had our own jobs and we both were living on our own, away from our parents. And before she left, she promised me that she would move in right today after her work.
As she promised, by the evening, the moving thing was complete and all her stuffs were arranged by midnight. We both were tired by the time the work was completed. But the glow on her face never kept me down for too long. And what pursued after, that night was something that is better to keep as discreet as possible.
When I woke up the next morning, and although it was a winter morning, somehow I could hear birds singing in a melody that was pleasant to my ears. And for my eyes, well, what more could I want? The most gorgeous and wonderful gift of god, an angel in the form of woman, was sleeping beside me. And the feeling of knowing that the first thing she would want to look at was my face overwhelmed me.
But, though it was a Saturday morning, unfortunately I had an early appointment with my doctor. I was running late for it, so quickly I sort of flew down the ladders and was in my car in a blink of an eye. I had enough vigour that I could race a horse and something told me this was going to be a great day for me. That was until I finished my medical check-up with my doctor.
It was supposed to be a routine follow up that I used to go through every month after my doctor found out I had early symptoms of lung cancer and the cause was unknown. But he said there was no such thing to worry about as it was found in an early stage.
“But Doctor. You said that I just had to go through this stupid surgical resection and everything would be back to normal.”
“I know, John. But the cancer in your lungs grew in an unexpected manner and the tumours it has created cannot be removed by any means.”
“Doctor, are you trying to imply that I am not going to make it?”
The silence that trailed left me bitterly thrashed against the floor. I felt like I was hit by a cannon ball the size of Ayer’s Rock. I was finally flying and I was suddenly surrounded in a mist of gloomy clouds all ready to bolt me with thunder. And all the pain I felt inside was none for me and all for her. She may have thought that finally she got a man who really loved her and would be with her forever unlike her previous boyfriends.
If she found out the truth, it would enter her like a poison. But she would never think about herself cause I knew how much she loved me. The worry would ultimately kill her before me and she didn’t deserve to meet the Satan yet. And I found myself lost in the fog of confusion of what my next step would be for whatever action I took would change her life forever.
I could easily tell her and spend the rest of the days making the use of each second with her or I could pretend like nothing has happened and spend my time with her like I would have normally done. But either way, I would be risking her getting hurt to a greater extent when I left as the time we would spend would surely bound us even closer.
After a moment of deep thought and a lengthy gasping of breath, I knew what I had to do. If I simply got lost from her life, like a ghost, yes, it would make her weep, for days, maybe for weeks and months, but it would hurt her nowhere to the extent of the terror that the sight of my dead body would create in her dreams for the rest of her life. I would be just like her previous boyfriends. Then it was decided.
I went home, felt those lovely kisses and the warm hug for the last time. I held her tight for some time. Then straight, I went to the study room and I tried to write my last letter for her. As she smiled at me from across the next room, I felt guilty for I would not be able to love her the way she deserved. As she went to bed, all I could write was “I’m sorry, Scarr” on a piece of paper and that was all my trembling hands could scribble because that was all my shattered heart could come up with.And then I kissed her on her forehead as she was asleep and left, leaving my last words behind...


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