A look into the life and the ending of Cassie.

Cassie woke up and heard the monotonous bleep of her alarm clock ringing her back into the realm of consciousness. She thought to herself that today could be a good day, then came to a sinking realization that it would probably be the same as any other. As she got up off the beaten couch she calls a bed she started walking towards the bathroom only to hear her dads drunken yell that he needed to go first because he had to piss. After her dad went to the bathroom he came out, told her that her hair looked like shit and went back to sleep. She took a shower and as she got out looked at the mirror, nothing less than disappointed at what she saw. She walked out of the bathroom and into her little brothers room and woke them up to get ready for school. She finished getting ready just a little less than satisfied with how she was able to make herself look before she left for the bus. On the ride to school she thought about how she didn't really think of her homework the previous day and had a sinking feeling of the surrender of fighting the war that was passing any of her classes. Feeling awkward and nervous not knowing what to do or where to go before school started she just walked to her classroom and sat in the hall texting praying no one would have a reason to talk to her. When first period starts she feels motivated to try to do the work set before her then stops caring as much and just goes to sleep. The same thing happens with every class to pass until the final bell rings. When she gets on the bus waiting for it to leave she thinks back over the day and wonders to herself what it is she lacks that makes it so hard for her to have friends, makes everyone dislike her and make fun of her, makes everyone hate her? She thinks this because the entire day, even though she tried... She hasn't managed to have a conversation or any positive social interaction with anyone at school. She wished that when she got home she would have someone to talk to her concerns about, but her parents just drink, expect too much, and ignore her unless they have a problem with something she does. After she gets home she lies around on her couch-bed wishing life could be different, that she could have anyone else's life that was better than hers. But then she slips into sleep and waking up at two thirty in the morning nothing has changed, and she is still being put through the same shitty life she had to put up with before. This being how she has lived life for the past two years she is used to being depressed, but for some reason she was so sad her chest felt a cold numbness, and nothing felt okay. Luckily this was Friday night and she was going to a party with one of few friends she managed to have the next night, so she went back to sleep looking forward to one of the only positive things she had to look forward to in her meager life. The next night her friend picked her up and they went to the party together, when they showed up everyone was playing beer pong, smoking weed, doing Xanax, and having a good time. She still felt empty and the sad feeling of numbness came back.. And she couldn't shake it. The night progressed and towards when everyone was going home, after drinking enough to give her a .22 BAC and on two bars of Xanax she was very out of it. Anyone that didn't want to go straight home was going to Waffle House and she was about to go to her friends car where her friend was waiting to leave with everyone else. The guy that was selling Xanax at the party was at the door and she asked if she could buy some. He said she looked too messed up already and she informed him that it was for another night so he obliged and sold her a surprisingly high quantity, 32. It was the rest of his bottle but what did he care? That meant more money more quickly for him. She slid them in her bag and went to waho with everyone else. When everyone went inside Cassie told her friend she wanted to smoke a cigarette and said she would be inside shortly to sit down with them. She never sat down with them again. She sat on the sidewalk out of sight and thought about how shitty her

life had been this far and decided that she didn't want to have to live that same way any longer. So she took out the bars and chewed them up and swallowed them one at a time, all 32. Then in a drunken stupor she walked down the road away from Waffle House towards the highway. Life warping and fading from the corner from her eyes five minutes later when she arrived at the highway she started to walk into one of the lanes and then laid down. She thought to herself that if only she could have had more friends, if only she had caring parents, or maybe if her grades were higher she would want to try, But with the same feeling of numbness and helplessness that she felt before she closed her eyes as headlights appeared. Shortly after the headlights appeared there was a slam on the breaks and a horn honking... But at 80 miles an hour no one could slow down in time, and after two thuds a miserable existence was brought to a unsightly end. At the end of the day anyone could speculate or give their opinions about how she made the wrong choice or how if she hadn't of been made fun of things could of been different. However, things weren't different and what's done was done. After an initial spike in the usage of the name Cassie and a speech by the principal about not using drugs and being responsible the memories faded away, and no one ever thought of the sad existence of Cassie again.

Submitted: March 15, 2015

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