Goodbye (Reposted)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
It wasn't a "see you later.” kind of goodbye. It was a permanent, never-going -to -see -you -again kind of goodbye.

I could feel it deep down inside my broken heart, that it was a forever kind of goodbye.

For StoryHeart's Romance is Out There Contest :)

Submitted: July 23, 2014

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Submitted: July 23, 2014

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~*~Goodbye~*~
 

"Emma, I can't see you anymore.” the words slipped out of his mouth way too easily.

My heart shattered inside my chest and tears burned in the back of my throat. A second later, they were flowing down my cheeks.

I didn't understand what was going on. Last time I checked, we were happy. We were talking about the future, about getting married a few days ago. We were talking about growing old together, about how it would be to watch our grandchildren run around in the big yard we would have, as we sit in our rocking chairs.

What happened in the last couple of days to change that? Was he just pretending to love me all this time and just couldn't do it anymore? Did he decide that he didn't love me enough to build a future and wanted to end it now, instead of hurting me later on?

Well the pain didn't hurt any less. That’s all I could feel at every inch of my body. I felt like the whole world was crashing all around me.

The warm August breeze blew past me, but I shrivered. I couldn't stand to look into those blue eyes, but I forced myself to. If this was the last time I was going to be looking into them, I wanted to remember how it felt.

I swallowed over the lump in my throat. There was a question that I just had to know the answer to.” Did I do you something, Micah?"I asked, softly.

 

Micah came over and sighed heavily as he wrapped me in his strong arms.

We stood there, him holding me and me trying to get as close as I could get. The only sound in my front yard was the wind blowing.” You did nothing Em,"he whispered over my head.” It’s just I need sometime to figure things out."

"Figure ou..."I was cut off by his lips being pressed up against mine. My heart started pounding against my chest then broke when I realized this was probably going to be our last kiss.

We broke apart and I stared into his eyes.” Don’t leave, whatever you need to figure out, we can figure it out together.” I said.

"We can't though, I need to do this on my own.” he said, backing away from me.

"Do what on your own?” I asked, screaming. I didn't mean to get so loud, but it was bugging the hell out of me that he wouldn't let me in. He has always been so open with me and it was killing me he wasn't now.

"Nothing,” he muttered, running his hand through his dark brown hair.” I’ll see you later.” he walked towards his white truck.

"Micah,” I screamed. He didn't respond, just opened the door, climbed in, and slammed it shut.

He started it up and the engine roared in the quite summer night. The truck backed up and I lunged towards it, grabbing onto the door.

"Micah, please don't go!” I cried.” Let me help you please. I need you."

"Look Em, I need you too,” he said, not stopping the truck from backing up.” But I need sometime to figure out what I'm going to do,” he paused for a moment to look at me.” I’ll be back, we’ll be together again someday."

I cried at his words, my heart felt heavy in my chest.” If we are going to be together someday, then why not now?"

He sighed heavily before taking my hand off the door and giving it a kiss.” I just can't do this right now, Em."

I tried to grab at the door again, but he moved away.” Look I'll see you later, okay?"

I sobbed.” Micah, please tell what the hell is going on!” my voice crackled.

"I got to go,” he said. His eyes were filled with sadness.” Goodbye, Emma.” he said, his voice was breaking up. He was breaking up and I was confused on why since he was the one ending us.

Fresh tears rolled out of my eyes and onto my cheeks as I watched him pull the rest of the way out and go out onto the road. I watched him until he faded away.

I made it to the front porch steps before plopping down. I sat and cried. I sat there and let my heart shatter until I felt numb.

What happened to us? What happened to make him want to end us? And why had I heard that goodbye the way I did? It wasn't a "see you later.” kind of goodbye. It was a permanent, never-going -to -see -you -again kind of goodbye.

I could feel it deep down inside my broken heart, that it was a forever kind of goodbye.

--

A few days later, I was still mourning over my two-year relationship. I have never loved someone like I did Micah and it was killing me that he just said goodbye so easily, and left me crying, like he didn't care.

I did nothing, but lie around on the couch, thinking about how perfect it was with him, how I hadn't seen anything to indicate that he was unhappy with me. I tried to go back in my mind to see if there was something I missed, but my head became too blurred whenever I thought about it.

I just can't believe we are over. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I gave my heart to him without even thinking, just so he could break it. I just wish I knew why he walked away.

Dogs barked outside and I looked outside to see the cause of it, and saw the mailman walk off the porch. I rubbed at my swollen and red hazel eyes and sat up. I didn't have enough strength, but I pushed myself to my feet anyway. It’s time to step out of this dark, gloomy cave that is known as my home.

I stepped out onto my porch; the bright sun burned my eyes. I lifted up the lid to the mailbox, and grabbed onto the envelopes.

I sat down on the porch swing and flipped through the mail, and my heart raced at the sight of the little envelope. It was a pale yellow and has a red little sticker heart where the seal was.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw the handwriting on the front. It was Micah’s. I ran my hand over the posted stamp date and I was shocked to see it was mailed out after we broke up.

What is this? I thought as I turned it over and nervously ripped the seal open.

I pulled out the piece of notebook paper, unfolding it till my eyes were met with words that filled up the whole page. I took a deep breath before I started reading.

Dear Emma,

First of all, I just want to say I miss you, secondly please read this letter. I know you're upset with me, but I wrote this for you to explain myself.

This is very hard for me to tell you and this is why I couldn't tell you face to face. My bone cancer is back. It’s worse than it was before and it's now spreading to other places in my body. The doctor didn't give me much hope at surviving this time, and that's why I let you go.


It was the hardest thing I ever had to do was to stand in front you and tell you I couldn’t see you anymore, but I know it's for the best. I love you too much to let you go through this. I don't want you to watch me get weak and be in pain, I want you to remember me the way I was. I don't want you to sit there, holding my hand and being in unbearable pain because, you know you're going to lose me one day.

I don't want that for you Em that's why I don't want to continue our relationship. We had something amazing, something I'll never forget. I fell in love with you and I don't regret that. What I will regret is asking you to stay with me. I don't want you to have your heart broken, for your life to be full of pain and sadness. I don't want to see the life drown out of you, while you waste your energy praying that I will be okay.

So, I’m letting you go and hoping you will do the same. I want you to move on, meet someone else, get married, and have babies. When I'm gone, go on with your life please, but always remember what we had.

I hope you understand.
I love you,
Micah


I threw the letter down, pulled my dark hair up in a ponytail and ran to my car. I wiped the tears away when I closed the door.

I pulled out of the driveway and onto the road. The afternoon sun was streaming in through the windows.

I pulled into Micah's driveway ten minutes later, quickly shutting the car off. The warm breeze blew past me as I made my way through his yard and up to his porch.

I knocked on the door and a moment later, it opened. Micah was on the other side of the door. His hair looked a mess, his blue eyes were filled with sleepiness, and he looked pale.

He looked to be in pain and I tried to keep my face blank, so he didn't know I was hurting for him.

"I'm not letting go,” I stated. I fell into his chest and wrapped my arms around him.” I don't care what you think is best, I’m not going anywhere."

We stood there in silence as the summer breeze blew. He didn't do anything. He just stood in the doorway, in my arms.

I thought he might tell me "no” and push me away, or something, but a few moments past and he mumbled "Okay.” into my hair and wrapped his arms around me.

--

A year later, I was in a long mermaid dress and had a bouquet of white roses in my hands. A long white veil fell over my face and I was walking down the aisle to meet my best friend.

Micah wore a black tux with a bright pink tie. His eyes were bright and his hair was slicked back. Needless to say, he looked so handsome.

I can't believe this day is finally here and we are going to get married. I am so blessed to get to spend another day with the love of my life.

The cancer is gone. Micah had been in remission for about four months. We had days where we didn't think he was going to make it, days where the doctors didn't give us any hope at all.

We had days where we cried with each other. We had days where we felt like we had no strength left, but the most important thing was, we were always by each other's side. We always had each other and we have always been thankful for that.

I looked down the aisle and his eyes met with mine. I smiled at the man of my dreams.

And in that moment, I’m so glad at least for today, that we don’t have to say goodbye.










 


© Copyright 2018 ChrissyMarie. All rights reserved.

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