A little poem to describe my bipolar day.

How will I wake, which side of the bed

Will I get up or stay here instead

Should I smile or should I frown

Will it let me soar or pull me down


I don’t know what to expect from the day

I suppose it doesn’t matter either way

My mind will decide all my reactions

No matter how happy are the distractions


It’s scary not knowing which me will be present

There’s turmoil inside but I’m forced to be pleasant

If they knew how I struggle to smile for their sake

They would stop seeing me as this hypocritical fake


I don’t want to feel like this all the time

In this hidden box, I feel like a mime

Trapped in an invisible cage

Forced to internalise this burning rage


Please think before you speak out loud

Please understand why I can’t be in a crowd

Imagine you can’t decide what to feel

Now try and understand how I fight to be real

Submitted: December 10, 2015

© Copyright 2023 Christopher Kush. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:



wow! I like this! The way you described your feelings was great. The grammar is excellent and the poem flows really well. It was quite interesting and enjoyable to read (not that I'm saying it's enjoyable to see people struggling with emotions).

Regards, Hotaru

Thu, December 10th, 2015 10:24am


Thanks for all your comments on my work, I really value and appreciate it. I totally understand what you mean by finding it enjoyable to read, so don't stress at all. :)

Thu, December 10th, 2015 2:42am

J. W. Cooper

Yet again my friend, you have created such a hard-hitting and powerful poem about the daily struggle that you face. I cannot say that I do understand what you go through, because I don't as it wouldn't be fair of me to say that I do... But I can only begin to imagine what you must have to go through each and every day with these feelings. I think that the start of the poem where you wrote 'How will I wake, which side of the bed. Will I get up or stay instead? Should I smile or should I frown? Will it let me soar or pull me down?' really helped in my opinion, to set the tone of the piece and not only that, it's a good beginning to allow us an insight into just how much of a struggle these feelings can be for you and how it can affect your mood and the way you feel and so on. It must be so hard, not knowing whether it'll allow you to rise to the day, or whether it'll pull you down and hold you down for the whole day. The different questions that you ask as well in the first stanza, conveys the struggle and questions that you ask yourself each and every day As I continued to read onto the second stanza 'I don't know what to expect from the day, I suppose it doesn't matter either way. My mind will decide all my reactions, no matter how happy are the distractions.' Once again my friend, you convey just how hard it really is for you, not knowing what will happen or what you'll expect from day to day and how you feel that your mind is the decider of what you do, rather than you yourself being in control of what happens and that must be really hard for you Chris. It must be hard, having the feeling of not being able to make the decisions and feeling as though your mind already makes all the decisions for you and leaves you out of it. One of the stanzas that really stood out to me Chris was the third one 'It's scary not knowing which me will be present. There's turmoil inside, but I'm forced to be pleasant.' I cannot even begin to imagine the battle you must have to face, especially as you say not knowing which 'you' will be present must be really scary indeed, and the turmoil that you face too. I guess what makes it scary, is that you never really know for definite how you will be that day and what will happen as a result. It must be tough to be forced to be something that you may not feel the power to be, if that makes sense Chris? 'If they knew how I struggle to smile for their sake, they would stop seeing me as this hypocritical fake.' That sounds tough my friend, it really does and I do empathise with you all the way with this. To have to feel as though you have to force yourself to be a certain way, just to please others around you and for their sake. I don't think anyone should see you as any kind of fake my friend. People need to understand, that this is something you cannot help. It isn't something that you do on purpose, and I'm sure that you try your very best to surpass these feelings that you have... But I can imagine that the fight is, quite a lot of the time, so fierce and so hard to defeat. What really caught my eye Chris was the fourth stanza where you wrote 'I don't want to feel like this all the time in this hidden box... I feel like a mime. Trapped in an invisible cage, forced to internalize this burning rage.' That is really deep my friend, especially for me as I read through it. I really do feel for you Chris, especially being made to feel like you're in a hidden box like a mime, feeling the same over and over again and not being able to escape them... That must be absolutely awful for you. I think that people are so quick to judge others, but if they actually took the time to step into your shoes and live your life, they'd understand just how hard it is and the things you have to put up with every single day. It can't be good, being forced to internalize all that burning rage that lies within you. It reminds me of a volcano, all that pent up pressure that builds up inside, until there's just too much and it just erupts. I really wish I could understand what you're going through my friend, I really do... But it wouldn't be fair of me to say that I do when I don't. I loved the ending of your poem Chris and you're absolutely right in what you say, 'Please think before you speak out loud. Please understand why I can't be in a crowd. Imagine you can't decide what to feel... Now try and understand how I fight to be real.' I think people should think about what they're going to say before they actually say it, particularly with a topic like this and with people who have to live with bi-polar and depression. I also like how you make others imagine that they weren't able to decide what they were feeling and how that would make them feel. There are some people that are unfortunately so ignorant and care little for thinking about what others must be going through in their life. It sounds like you go through so much my friend and it's hard to read that you have to live with this every day of the week of the month of the year. You fight the same battles and the same feelings and always feel trapped and like you cannot escape. I think people need to be more compassionate and caring, and try and understand what others do actually go through. We need to listen with open ears and a kind heart, not with closed ears and a cold heart. I think you're extremely courageous my friend, for writing about your experiences on how you feel and the battles that you have to constantly face day to day. I really do empathise with you Chris and I believe that it's important to understand what others go through and just listen and try to help the very best we can. The final line was extremely powerful and so hard-hitting 'Now try and understand how I fight to be real.' It must feel like you're not really you, that you cannot live life the way you want to, because it's being lived by your mind and it closes you and your feelings out. It stops you from really expressing how you truly feel and what a struggle it is. Keep your head up my friend and do the very best that you can possibly do. I know that's easier said than done, but you just have to do what you can and be as strong as you can. If people are too ignorant and arrogant to listen to you, then they are not worth it my friend. I know there are probably other people that you talk to my friend and that's absolutely fine... But if you ever feel the need to talk to anyone or just want to get something off your chest, then it'd be a pleasure to help you out where I possibly could, even if it's just to listen. Take great care again my friend and well done again. You should be proud of the fact that you have the bravery to write about how you feel and the things that you have to go through. All the very best my friend and take great care. :)

Fri, December 18th, 2015 11:34pm

Abigail Jaime

I loved the way you explained your feelings. Very real and relatable. I can understand exactly what you described and it is great to see how you can turn your feelings into very well written poems! Keep up the good work!

Mon, January 11th, 2016 11:04pm


Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and comment on my work. I try as far as possible to inject as much honesty and raw emotion into my work; it helps me come to terms with what I'm going through. I tend to gloss over the bad things when I'm wearing my "social mask". I'm working on being more in tune with myself and expressing that in a more social way, which is really difficult for me. Thanks again, I'll make a point of reading some more of your work as soon as I can and offer up some of my thoughts and opinions. :)

Mon, January 11th, 2016 11:20pm

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