Funny Atheist Quotes/ Bumper Stickers

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Need I say more? lol, All I ask is that no offense be taken if you are in fact religious in any way shape or form. I have nothing against religion, but i do find a lot of atheist quotes humorous and since im an atheist myself, I know that will be a door for shit talkers to shit talk lol Enjoy! if u have any more please do not refrain from telling me because i will probably add them up there. And last but not least, I have made up none of these, they're all from other websites so i do not claim to own them... just to laugh my ass off at them :)

*An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support. - John Buchan

*If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. -Woody Allen


“After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands”

I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.

The Christian god makes man human, then burns him when he acts like one

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. - Voltaire

Praying is like a rocking chair-- it'll give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere

When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called Religion.

Everything is more or less organized matter. To think so is against religion, but I think so just the same. When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself

“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”

“If there is a God, atheism must seem to Him as less of an insult than religion.”

“I'm a polyatheist - there are many gods I don't believe in”

“If atheism is a religion, then bald is a hair color”

“Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burned, tortured, fined, and imprisoned, yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half of the world fools and the other half hypocrites.”

“I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.”

To become a religion it is only necessary for a superstition to enslave a philosophy.

Man is quite insane. He wouldn't know how to create a maggot and he creates Gods by the dozen"

The Christian lives in a nightmare and thinks it is a pleasant dream.

The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.


Faith: not wanting to know what is true.

It is of course always best to be led by god,
and have him personally whisper into your ear.
Only, when it is the devil talking he will tell you he is god,for the devil is a crafty liar. So you never know who is talking to you.


The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the gospels in praise of intelligence.

Consider the ignorance of the average fundamentalist. Then realize that by definition fully half of them must be even dumber than that.

If god doesn't like me, let him tell me that not you.


Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life. (this one is personally my favorite :))

One of the earliest Christian heresies, which was quickly knocked on the head (sic) by the church hierarchy, was called Gnosticism, whose adherents claimed to "know" the truth about God by direct revelation.

Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money


I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Which is it, is man one of God’s blunders or is God one of man’s?

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

The most heinous and the must cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives.


science flies us into space, religion flies us into buildings.

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.
Mark Twain

“In God We Trust.” I don’t believe it would sound any better if it were true.


The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason: The Morning Daylight appears plainer when you put out your Candle.

Lighthouses are more helpful then churches.

If God has made us in his image, we have returned him the favor.

Those who believe absurdities will commit atrocities.

Black holes would seem to suggest that God not only plays dice, but also sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.
Stephen Hawking, NATURE, 1975

What can be asserted without proof can be dismissed without proof.
Christopher Hitchens

Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.
Karl Marx


The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
George Bernard Shaw (again, another favorite of mine lol)

Men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions.
Blaise Pascal Quote

You’re basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend.
Richard Jeni Quote

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.
Steven Weinberg Quote


The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.
Delos B. McKown Quote

Where knowledge ends, religion begins.
Benjamin Disraeli Quote

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish.


Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions.

I am patient with stupidity, but not with those who are proud of it.

If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse


The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.

I refuse to believe in a god that would send me to hell just for not believing in him.

Doesn't it bother you that you put more logical thought into choosing a car than you do in choosing a god?


So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence

I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.

Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-o, and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have.




I will be adding more i just dont have enough time to at the moment, This was all in good fun so if ur offended dont get all pissy cause you know these are pretty damn funny!:) I would also love to re-state that i dont have anything against any religion out there, these are just to fun to pass up, especially the bumper stickers =)

Submitted: July 02, 2010

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Add Your Comments:



love the thing about science and religion!:D

:UNsatisfied...religion...doesn't let us understandt he world" or whatever. LOVE that

The Christian god makes man human, then burns him when he acts like one." YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!!!!

LOve Voltaire's comment.

Thiswould we immensely offensive to a religious person, I see. Lol

The man created god comment...I agree with. BUt that is SOOOOOO harsh--like...DAMN! lol.

The fossil comement.....>.< Ouch

This list was interesting. Offensive, definitely. Like I'm not religious in the least and I was like :O

I think it's neccessary to have a bit of faith. Like...10% faith, 90% determination.

Fri, July 2nd, 2010 6:34am


lol, i do understand how many would get really offended by this list and i will soon be adding more as well. But people just have to force a laugh sometimes instead of getting mad lol. I agree, i loved the one where it asked what day god made all the fossils^_^ that was one of my favorites.

Fri, July 2nd, 2010 7:55am

Sierra MacKenzie

LOL. I loved all of these!! "I Found Jesus" and "Science flies you to the moon.." are my top favorites. Everything else ties for second. :)

Fri, July 2nd, 2010 1:29pm


Thanks lol. the I found jesus one was quite a laugh lol

Fri, July 2nd, 2010 7:56am


How about, "I don't believe in God because God has never believed in me." or "one day God will kill all living things. Sucks for him if he does, cause he won't have anymore toys"

Sat, July 3rd, 2010 12:35am


OH!!! loved the second one lol, it will probably be in about a week, but i will put those up, with your name if you'd like :)

Sun, July 4th, 2010 9:49am

Shadows at Midnight

haha. I loved this XD I laughed at all of those bumber-stickers. :) I love the: 'What day did god make the fossils?' and 'WWJD? Who wants Jelly Doughnuts?' XD

Sat, July 3rd, 2010 12:45am


The "What day did god make all the fossils was one of my favorite bumper stickers lol, thanks for reading.

Sun, July 4th, 2010 9:50am


Hahaha. loved it :)
I liked the rocking chair one. that one was cool.

Sat, July 3rd, 2010 11:50pm


Thanks lol, that one was pretty funny. I had a blast with all of these.

Sun, July 4th, 2010 9:51am

Abby Woods

hahaha. roflmao. :D i like the donut one. ha ha. XD



Sun, July 4th, 2010 2:06am


Thanks, these really gave me a kick to :)

Sun, July 4th, 2010 9:53am


Ha ha ha. :). And I believe in God by the way. Good thing stuff lyk this dn't affect me.

Wed, July 7th, 2010 2:01pm


Thanks :) Im glad you found it funny though, i was expecting more offended people but so far none :)

Wed, July 7th, 2010 2:10pm


I'm one of those people that beleaves in what can be proven like gravity, evelution...the list goes on. I laughed so hard at the WWJD? one it makes so much sense now=D Oh and the one about the fosils also gave me a kick=]
Dont get me wrong be religios by all means just don't shove it down my throght, that really ticks me off.
All in all a helarius posting I couldn't stop laughingXD

Thu, July 8th, 2010 1:37pm


Thank you, that is exactly how i feel, i respect your religion if you respect my lack there of one. Im actually thinking about buying the fossil one for my truck lol. my mom has a darwin fish on the back of her car :P.

Thu, July 8th, 2010 8:42am


I don't fine these at all funny because most of them are irrelevant.

I'm a Christian didn't find these offensive, but they weren't funny

Thu, July 8th, 2010 5:51pm


Well not everyone can have a sense of humor, i guess that was a gift you werent given lol. I appreciate the comment though.

Thu, July 8th, 2010 11:13am


YES! 'THE INVISIBLE AND THE NONEXISTENT ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE!' Ahahaha my friend uses that one all the time... Gets the Christians so pissed off.... :) You know, living in the Bible Belt is a living hell for an Atheist... But it just means more religious debates... We've actually converted a few people on accident by just talking to them and making them have an open mind...

I love all the bumper stickers on here... They make me laugh! :D

Sat, July 10th, 2010 10:10pm


Careful not to try and push your religion prefrance lol. im really fine with all religions, but not fine when people try and push it on me lol. thats why i dont try and convert others. My grandma is really christian and has tried to tell me im going to hell but she just gives me a laugh.

Sat, July 10th, 2010 3:38pm


I do believe in God, but I found most of these funny. And I did agree with some of them. Then again, I believe God gives us humans a break because we do make stupid mistakes. I do agree that religious people try to push their religions on others, and it's quite silly because there is nothing that can be changed. People will believe what they want to believe. I'm totally Switzerland lol :)

Sun, July 11th, 2010 7:38am


lol thanks for the comment i appreciate it, an i agree with you on most parts :P

Sun, July 11th, 2010 7:16am


Ahahahahaa! I may be Christian but I laughed so hard at some of these lol. I'm more like the 'almost there' Christian anyway rotflmbo :P (mostly because I live by the rule that you can believe whatever you want and be whoever you are and so long as you don't try to kill me in the process I don't care)!haha

Sun, July 11th, 2010 7:42am


Lol nice! thanks for the comment, i appreciate it, and gad it gave you a laugh. :)

Sun, July 11th, 2010 7:18am


Woah so many, you must have been collecting these for a while. Really funny stuff.

Thu, July 15th, 2010 3:12am


Yeah, when im on the computer i usually have to stop and find a few to give me a laugh for the day :) Bumper stickers usually do it.

Wed, July 14th, 2010 9:18pm


Lol - love them all i have this poster on my page it wont go in the comment box so i will add a link - - hopefully you will see it also i have one - I bet God was made up by a drunken man for a dare to see how much bullshit some people would believe - lol :P

Sat, July 17th, 2010 11:27am


Lmao, i saw the picture thank you for the link. XD funny pic btw.

Mon, July 19th, 2010 1:46pm


This site has a few on you might like:

Sat, July 17th, 2010 11:31am


I havent got to check it out yet but i will. thank you =D

Mon, July 19th, 2010 1:46pm


I found this funny ;) I loved 'curious how your god hates all the same people you do' I know one i've had to use a lot. We have religious twats (no offence to others) in our school who try to convert anything that moves 0.0' 'You will burn in the fires of hell!' 'I would but I have pills now' (:

Tue, July 20th, 2010 1:36am


Lol, i understand what you mean. I swear, "You'll go to hell" is there catch phrase, and thats funny =P I loved it!. Thanks for the comment if you have any more you want to add, please do not hesitate to tell me :)


Tue, July 20th, 2010 6:41am


This is funny ;D I dislike religious people :L only the ones in my town though; their jerks by nature xD told me I was going to hell because I listened to Aiden and the 69 eyes :P

Wed, July 21st, 2010 3:20am


Both of those bands absolutely kick ass!!! And i know a lot of people like that as well lol. Thanks for the comment. :)

Wed, July 21st, 2010 5:50am

Love Kills Slowly

lol I loved the one where it went "..I was praying until I suddenly realized I was talking to myself..."

made me laugh :)

I can't say I'm an Atheist although I can't say I have any religious beliefs considering I was raised not having this type of stuff around me.

Oh the one about the testing out your faiths by driving with your eyes closed was funny too.

where do you find all this?

Wed, July 28th, 2010 11:55pm


Well... im a bit of a cheater, i found them through several sights all found through google lol, But i think the funniest site ive found for them is ^_^ That was my favorite site. Im glad you liked them and thanks for the comment, i really appreciate it.

Thu, July 29th, 2010 3:15am

Jason Rainey

great quotes! Carlin`s one is the best. The video is even better, though. Reading it makes it a little weaker

Thu, July 29th, 2010 5:00am


I know. George Carlin is awesome, simply writing it doesn't give him justice.

Thu, July 29th, 2010 3:16am


haha these quotes are great. Made me laugh ^_^

Thu, July 29th, 2010 5:32am


lol Im glad you liked them. :)

Thu, July 29th, 2010 3:22am

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