You don't get to pick ones family, but i surely would like to pick mine. I can't make choises for others only for myself and i chose to stay far away from the man i call my father, but unfourtunatley i can save everyone, i can't save mum neighter my grandparents. Sometimes i think that this all happens because of the choises my gransparents and parents made in life, sometimes i have the impression that someone could end up dead because of my father i just hope i'm wrong.
Everything started when i was young my grand grand mother was close to her death and she couldn't give her last breath so she was suffering, my mother went to a priest that could make a ceremon that would relieve her sould and she could die peacefuly. That priest could also see in the future and in the past, we found out so many things that changed us slowly.My father had a drinking problem from about 18 ears old and it got worse with the ears now i can call him a retired police officer and an severe alchoolist.
To end it shortly eighter he dies and everyone is peaceful eighter he straitens himself(don't think that will happen). Everytime we say someting to him he feels guilt but when he drinks it's like a deamon posseses him he can't stop himself . I would send him to a psich. but he won't go. Sometimes i belive he has a bipolar disorder, sometimes i think he is mad somethimes i'd wish i could make him stop by overpowering him. It's hard to try to make something of myself when you have lost the suport of your family and started living in drama. I have to pass an exam to law school,i have to get married, so many plans and when i hear bad news from home my hole concentration goes to hell.
I'm so afraid to become my parents, i allready have panic attacks, rage atacks, depression days all the signs i could be a bad wife and mother, i suicide wouldn't be a sin and i knew what waits for me over the veil i would have done it hoping that my father would steightn himself up but that wouldn't happen, i dare to think he belongs in jail or in an loony house, better than dead right, but the jail will only keep him for about 5 years so he will return home after max 10 year with the total of restriction to visit him house and still cause damage, loony house needs to be payed and the finances are few now, yes complaining complaining, when there are so many other worse cases in the world.
God may condem me for saying this but i would trade my father's life for the life of an inoccent person who would cherish it more then him. He doesn't see what he has beautiful in his life, an ok family, an ok pension, a house, he did not realize his goals but he is alive with a house and some money that's enogh to live.
I could not achieve my gouls in life but i hope i won't end up like him, i'm so afraid of that...
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