What it is

Life? What do we know about it? We all know we are born , we go to school for many years and when we are done with it there's nothing left but just work and maybe create your own family. Atleast in my point of view that's how life is , I mean yes we have our friends, our memories and all but theres people out there who don't really know how to live life and I'm probably one of them.Many people out there don't know the meaning of life , but neither do I and I think I will never know it because I don't even try honestly.We love,we hate,we dance,we laugh,we cry , all this emotions .. Why? Why do we always have to feel something why can't we just have a good time or be with someone without feelings that en up hurting you , I guess I will never know.The regrets,the lessons,the heartbreaks..but why?I'm a girl who wonders about life all the time.I wonder what will happen after death?Why can't I just be happy?Is there even a meaning of me being alive?Me personally am only a fifteen year old girl who has gone through way too many things for my age.I had huge heartbreaks , I've fallen into depression , I lost the only women who took care of me even when we weren't together and that is not my mom but my grandma,I even tried to commit suicide.I'm going to be honest , in my mind me dying is the solution for everybody's problems and all I think about is dying.There's too much pain in me,too much sadness and ending my life is the only way I see to get rid of all of it.Now take note , you may be imagening me as a total freak with black make up and hair and scars and you probably think I also cut myself or harm myself in different ways.No,I am actually a very nice looking girl who has pretty hair and smiles alot.I also tend to be really mean sometimes and I have attituted problems.In other words I consider myself as bipolar even though I am not diagnosted with it.Anyways, I grew up surrounded by family,I was the happiest most excited and energetic kid in this world until I hd to leave my home country so me and my brother could "have a better life".I can admit that my life isn't that bad even though the economy isn't good.My mom still manages to get me what she cans and I appreciate that.In my opinion life is just like a rollercoaster , it has it's ups and downs , it's just a big mess , but at the end you will either regret it or love it.Live with noregrets.Take it from a 'suicidal girl',even though I want to end my life from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep I still have some hope that one day I will find happiness and everything I ever been through will only be a 'phase'.So , go ahead be as happy as you can be , remeber life is a one time thing don't take it for granted and don't ever let yourself down.