11 Part 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

The continuation or how I was abused, my life ruined in a few hours

~on my fucking terms.... this would be some revenge on the hell they had put me through for the last hour or two, I don’t know it might be 3 or more... I’m not sure where my watch is... did it fall off, break, did they take it... I really don’t know.
There is a touch on my shoulder and I am guided gently by the "nice" one to a different location, from what they are saying it was a more secluded and workable location for the next leg of their so far horrendous plan.

We stop so I'm guessing I am in the right spot.  The spot I guess they found suitable to violently sexually assault an innocent kind of cute nerdy little 11 year old boy......Fucking bastards!
 "Get on your knees you little girl, you're gonna get to suck some cock now."  This of course was coming from the leader.  It was obvious we were under some large trees as it not only seemed darker but it had become cool enough I was getting cold... having a pair of sneaker as your only form of clothing didn’t help that a great deal.

My knees were in a great deal of pain due to the twigs, pinecones, rocks, and whatever else lay on the ground. And I was on them for what seemed like 20 minutes as the group mumbled some; I’m sure devious plan, for in the close future.  I sat back on my ankles for a min and was met with swift action... I was pulled up by the hair and given two swift and hard whips with a thin  alder bush, I'm sure they left welts and I knew I was once again crying............that ok..... pretty soon one of these bastards was getting a free sex change... and  they could spend the rest of their lives wondering if this all was really worth it...Fuck them!  I was feeling a little confident now with my plan... how could they be so stupid to not realize this would happen?  The leader suddenly barks out in his usual sarcastic drone... “Hey kid you ever suck a dick before, or is this your first time?" and as has happened many times in the past my smart as response got me in trouble,” No, first time, but you can show me how if you like, your dad told me you were an expert."...

I waited for a slap, a whip, a punch, anything... but nothing... then he spoke in a calm very monotone but direct voice.  “Well boys, when I said we are to warn him first, I changed my mind... he's to swallow every drop of jizz... every little drop, then maybe next time he might not be such a smart ass."I almost puked because as an 11 year old boy about to start grade 6... I knew what jizz was, kinda... I knew it was liquid and came out of the same place as your pee. And I knew it has something to do with sex because all the boys giggled when someone said it.
"Well it looks like the little girl might be ready", and all I could think was... you're gonna be the little girl soon you stupid fucker.... bring it on you monsters!

Then like the way the rest of the day had been going my hopes were all soon shattered... FUCK...
I jumped a little as I felt a small pine branch enter between my cheeks... and I will assume you can figure out which cheeks... then I heard the click... and a cold steel blade as it glided up and down my neck...
"So any tricks AT ALL and first this branch will go all the way up your ass and then pulled out so fast it will bring your insides out with it... and after  you survive that I will cut your tiny little baby dick off and feed it to the squirrels... “Yeah - I heard they like nuts,"  the second in command chirped in.  They all laughed, but I could somehow tell the third boy didn’t laugh as hard and really wasn’t into this as much as the other two.

“So you little smart mouthed homo these two are going first and I am reserving my place as last and if you don’t swallow every single drop your going to do it over a second time, got it you fagot."
It was mainly because I was disgusted about what was about to happen, partly because I was scared as hell, but also disappointed about how my plan back fired... whatever it was I burst out crying and for a good 5 minutes could not get it under control.  What sticks in my mind to this day is how heartless and how much a monster a person must be to see an 11 year old boy cry the way I did and apparently demonstrate no kind of sympathy at all.

"SO tell me you understand exactly what I'm saying, no smart ass moves, no tricks, and you must have seen porn movies before kid - you look old enough too, so you know how to give a blow job.  Just do it like the movies." "WELL YOU UNDERSTAND STUPID"... Between sobs I was able to squeak out a yes... but that is about it.
So as I kneel naked with the exception of a pair of ragged summer play sneakers in the forest that once was my magical backyard I hear a button, then a zipper go down, and the distinct sound of a pair of shorts hitting the ground like a "flump" if that any kind of description... I was done crying I don’t think I had anymore tears left anyway..... within a second I felt a penis hitting my cheek and the words “Open wide little girl.”... the voice of the second in command. “You better make this good fucker".... laughing as the first in command yells... "Yeah - it’s his first BJ" the retort,” No its not!" and then they grew silent.  All I could hear was my assailant’s breath getting deeper and faster, as I did what I thought I was supposed to do... the foul taste of sweat and just well... a nasty penis was aggravating my taste buds... I kept focusing on not barfing; don’t throw up Chris, that would be bad just get it over with... as stupid as this sounds, the better job I do the more chance this will go faster, I’m not sure I can handle the jizz at the end but I guess I have to.....I think this must have gone one for 20 minutes…my mouth was sore, my knees were bleeding, and I was way beyond disgusted at this point.  He suddenly grabs the back of my head and roughly is pushing his penis in and out of my mouth... then I could feel it swell up in my mouth and a I heard a large grunt like sound of pleasure and I felt at least four or five shots to the back of my mouth... it was putrid, and there was way more than I ever thought there would be...." let us see fag".  I opened my mouth and they were laughing their heads off, “Ok kid - swallow it now or you’re doing it again". Straight from the leader... FUCK FUCK FUCK... I closed my eyes and swallowed... I gagged three or four times but controlled the barf reflex, then when I didn’t expect to I puked - and I mean really puked... “Well guess it’s time to start over.".... The quiet one spoke up “No come on he held it down for a while - give the kid a break, come on...”

“Yeah ok, he’s got two more to suck anyway so we will cut him this break." Maybe etiquette dictated I say thanks, but I didn’t!
It was the same all over again only unlike the first guy, the second in command, this was the third guy, the quiet guy...as his penis went in my mouth he leaned over and said, " I'm really sorry kid, I really am, he's crazy and so is the other guy."  Then loud, "Suck it you fagot harder you're so good at it"... "Sorry kid that was just for them to hear".
It was then I realized his wasn’t hard at all.  That when he leaned over again and said “When I count to three act disgusted, pretend to swallow and pretend you are almost barfing... ready kid, one, two, three."  At three he made a loud sound similar to the first guy but no sperm came out and I quickly took the lead and acted totally disgusted....I almost barfed twice, so they thought.  It was then I realized if I was going to survive this it would be because of the third guy, the quiet guy, the follower...
“Tie his feet... NOW...” and evil number two went running and tied up my feet again... I was wondering what the hell was going on.  The leader didn’t want to participate... that was ok with me for sure....
"Ok you two both get lost somewhere and I will whistle at you when it’s time to come back, and don’t come back before."  They both scattered like a room full of cats after a firecracker goes off.
In my head I was begging God... please help me somehow... God please, aren’t I usually a good boy... I'm not perfect but I go to church I sing in the choir, and nobody realizes it but I always say a prayer before I go to bed... Just save me from what is about to happen... God please...
God never answered me...........I guess all I can conclude is that I'm not worth saving even by God... I must be a rotten kid because I realize now I deserve all that is happening to me... If that weren’t true where was God that August afternoon?
The leader gently led me a few feet... of course, me walking baby steps and trying not to lose my balance with the ropes tied so tight.
He then gently laid me down on the ground on my back... I was more concerned now as he was being too nice. Something really awful is going to happen now, that has to be it.  Maybe he is going to use that knife to cut off my balls... or slit my throat and leave me lying there for the wild animals to feast on... I’m starting to think it doesn’t matter... I don’t even know if anyone would miss me...these are the thoughts going through my head... I sure wish Pilot was around... He would have bit all three of them and sent them running... he always protected me.  But he wasn’t around at the moment now was he.

The leader lay down beside me and for at least two minutes he said nothing.  I could hear him breathing and every breath I was waiting for his next set of demonic orders.  His breath steadily got deeper and faster..... I wasn't sure what to anticipate but it just felt like he had something to say and he couldn’t quite get it out... Funny how during this entire ordeal he had no problem barking out orders... orders his two henchmen followed without question.
Then unexpectedly... so unexpectedly I think I jumped more like an innate reflex...he had reached over and was rubbing my balls....and by his breathing I think he enjoyed it... however I knew any minute he would be smacking them hard... just like before .. hard enough I would throw up... if I did I would aim in his direction...
That not what he did though, he slowly moved his hand up from my balls to the top of my dick...he was then massaging it with what felt like his thumb and index finger.  I was scared shitless for two reasons... one... I was convinced anytime he would take out his knife and just cut it off and two...the really scary part... I was getting an erection, so I must like it... I must be a fagot like they have been saying all day... the more he rubbed it the harder it was getting, and the more I kept thinking of the most disgusting things I could think of to bring it down.
When you are an 11 year old boy you learn all the tricks to avoid detection... because as any male will know... at 11 a boner can happen, anywhere at anytime... walk with your books in front of you... pretending to feel sick when you are called to read in front of the class... and the classic one... think of a big fat slob with bugs all over here and maggots coming out of her eyes.. Then think what she looked like naked.I was trying the naked maggot girl over and over and no luck...it was now so hard it hurt FUCKKKKK
At 11 I didn’t fully get what he was doing to my penis he now had his hand around it and was moving it up and down... is all I know is it felt good... which to me meant I was what they had called me all day.. I was gay, a fagot, a homo...
In my head I was disgusted with what he was doing to me... but down there it felt great... and down there was winning... I tried to tell myself I hated it, but either way it didn’t matter... he was going to do what he wanted to me.....
I am fucked up... what the hell is the matter with me.... a stranger who I can’t see has been torturing me all day, making me feel like a piece of shit, is suddenly basically masturbating me and I have an erection.... I must be incredibly fucked in the head.  I didn’t think I was but here is the proof.  Fuck it felt good though... nobody else has ever touched it before and although I have heard all the guys at school talk like they are experts, I am sure none of them were.  I sure haven’t jerked off before but now someone was doing it to me ... and I wasn’t sure what would happen next...  “Does it feel good kid?"... I could only squeak out a yes...then I got a little braver, “It might feel good but I still don’t want you doing this to me"..... Yeah but I’m going to anyway... “Yes I know you are, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it"... "Kid, it’s very visible you like it".And with that I really didn’t have much else to say... I couldn’t come up with anything at all actually.  He started slowing down on his strokes and I was happy up stairs in my mind but downstairs I wanted him to keep going... I wanted to feel an orgasm that I had always heard a lot about, again from all the "experts" at school.
“Ok, I sent the other two away for a reason, and if you mention to either of them what I'm about to do I swear I will cut your throat".  He stopped with the hand job and I was disappointed and relieved all at the same time.  I felt him change positions and he was leaning on me a bit, and what happened next surprised the hell out of me... my dick was in his mouth and that did NOT help my erection go down.  I was extremely ashamed but on the other hand this also felt way better than the hand job.  It did not last long.  My legs were shaking, my breathing was heavy and suddenly a feeling I had never felt in my entire life.  I don’t even know how to describe it other than amazing....I could feel something shoot out of my dick but I have no idea what it looked like.. I just know the leader made sure my penis was well cleaned up... he told me I wasn’t a man yet... it wasn’t white - just clear, but still tasted good.... that comment disgusted me... I felt like yelling... NO KIDDING I’M NOT A MAN YET YOU FUCKING MORONIC PIECE OF SHIT I’M FUCKING 11... I’M A LITTLE FUCKING KID"...FUCK...
Of course I knew what was in store for me... what the fuck is the difference I’ve already had two dicks in my mouth today... is all I could think of is ... I’m going for the hat trick.  I didn’t even wait for him to say anything I wanted to just do this and get it the fuck over with... and fast.  Since I had orgasmed I felt even less like playing this fucking sick game... I felt around grabbed his penis and just started doing my duty.  He was flopping around like a fish out of water and the noises coming out of him made it sound like he was in terrible pain ... it lasted all of 1 minute and I felt 3 or 4 heavy shots to the back of my mouth... I was grossed out 100 more times and it seemed to have something to do with my orgasm earlier.  He was very intense and wanted to see it in my mouth... then the dreaded order... “Swallow it all you little fagot", which I did and managed not to barf... “You’re not done- lick it clean... “I was at the point of tears again but I complied and just got it over with.
He whistles and his buddies quickly return. “Boy this little homo can sure suck a dick... and he ate a mouthful from me... he sucks like a real pro... It's easy to tell he likes it.  “The urge for me to tell who sucked who and who REALLY seemed to enjoy it was very strong... but I knew better.

Suddenly I was violently yanked to my feet by my hair... there goes his gentle side I guess...did not last long...I was lead over to a fallen tree... if I had my bearings right it was a birch we had often practiced our balancing skills on.  The second in command took charge and I was tied by the hands to the tree... each hand apart and tied at the wrist... and this time I was tied very tight.  I was more or less bent over the fallen tree.  My feet were untied and then a strong branch about 3 feet long was put in front of my feet and my ankles were tied at each end... I was more or less bent over and spread eagle....I was bent at a very uncomfortable 90 degree angle and I suddenly became more scared than I had been all day... I knew this was it... this is how I was going to die. Naked tied to a tree. Animals would be feeding off my dead body and eventually some kid would stumble upon the skeleton... the police would out it was indeed the boy who went missing a couple of years ago.....They were planning to use me as target practice.. I knew they were... maybe they got a prize for the person who could get the knife to go right up my ass... I was in the position for it............ I finally screamed “Ok what the hell are you doing to me."  Silence and a few giggles... I repeated it and the second in command responded with a hard animalistic swat to the back of my knees with an alder bush... he pain was overwhelming and I know I started to cry... right when the second lashing landed on my back ... I was panicking, in pain, crying and I couldn’t breathe.. The third right on my bare ass and I almost passed out.... “Any more questions you fucking retard" "WELL” I just said between panicked sobs.. Nope.  I was now once again crying uncontrollably...I don’t get it... I’m fucking 11 years old... I still sleep with Leo, a stuffed lion I won at a carnival two years earlier...
She doesn’t tuck me in anymore, but my mother still comes in to say goodnight to me every night.  I'm not allowed to mow the lawn yet because I will probably cut my toes off.I sometimes sit on my dad’s knee and drive his work van on a back road while he operates the gas and brake, and I watch Saturday morning cartoons and always somehow believe the coyote might eventually get away.  FUCK why is this happening to me... why?  Why? What did I do... am I that bad of a kid?  Yes I took that pack of gum from Jack's store once when I was 9, but I felt guilty about it for a week.  Fuck I’m about to die here.... I just want to go home... please just let me go... I think I'm losing my mind....

"You're getting closer to pushing me off of life’s little ledge, cause I'm a loser and sooner or later you know I'll be dead, you’re getting closer, your holding the rope and I’m taking the fall.. Cause I’m a loser... I’m a loser yeah!"  - Three Doors Down
I must be a loser, because it seems this hell will never end...

Chapter 15 - The Final Vile Act

I don't have any song lyrics for this next section.  I really was unable to find any to describe how crushed and beaten I was after this.  Some things are just so dark, so absolutely horrible that even the most talented artist cannot express them in words...........beyond telling you my life was over... there isn’t much else to say.

The little sicko gang of rapists were far enough away so I couldn’t hear them talking.  I could pick up a few words here and there but really not enough to piece together that there next evil move would be.
I guess when you are destroying the life of an 11 year old boy it must be imperative to hold several secret meetings.
Meanwhile left the way I was I felt totally humiliated, which I am sure is what they were aiming for being the sick fucks they were.
Of course I thought of one thing worse than them killing me... what if they just left me tied up like this and everyone from the neighborhood could come on down and take a peak.  FUCK!

One of them was approaching from behind... my sense of sound was becoming quite acute... in fact I think all of my other senses were.As they approached I knew this was it... it was my time to die.  I was sick of being petrified and tortured and this might be a relief; wait, no it wouldn’t, I’m 11 for fuck sake, someone HELP ME!!  PLEASE JUST HELP... FUK!
It was the leader behind me and he spoke, slowly, calmly in a monotone voice, almost on purpose to add to my fear level.  "This might hurt a little."With that he spread both my ass cheeks apart and he wasn't exactly gentle about it..............OH SHIT!!!  They actually ARE going to stick a tree branch up my ass... well no fucking kidding genius you're right... this might actually hurt... I braced for the worst ...to my relief, as odd as this is going to sound, he stuck his finger right up my ass... it didn’t feel good but at least it wasn't a fucking tree branch full of sharp pine needles.  He then yelled over to the second in command, "There's not much room in there."
What the hell did they exactly need room for!!!  These assholes might have been planning on putting an entire tree in there for all I knew.
With his next move his power over the other two was clearly demonstrated.  He called over the quiet guy... “You heard not much room right?", “Yeah I heard". " "Well we have another problem - see you don't seem very involved or interested here...and that's gonna change, but first my finger needs cleaning so get your mouth on it and make sure it’s clean.  The second in command went into a fit of laughter and to be honest maybe my evil side showed a bit as I know I grinned, just a little bit.
I kind of felt sorry for the guy, I guess he should have held up his end in this kidnapping, sexual assault, murder thing...But, FUCK HIM!
“You’re not serious I’m not doing that, that's disgusting.""It's now or your gonna put your tongue in his ass."
I didn't hear anymore debate... what I did hear was puking, quite a bit of puking...
However what happened next made me feel sorry for the guy, see I think he was just a weak follower and probably had no other “friends".
"Pull down your pants and touch your toes"... the leader ordered his third in charge.... The whipping started.I lost count at 15, the yelping and crying was painful to hear.  He was whipped way worse than I got it... and I know how much it hurt.  When it stopped all the leader said was “Pull them up, next time I tell you to do something don't argue".

I heard movement moments later and someone was in front of me... then before I could think... Bam, I was full out slapped in the nuts!  "There does that look like I’m not on board?"
Then I felt his face near mine his breathing and he whispered, “I'm really sorry kid”... and another nut shot... the pain was intense and I thought I would either pass out or barf... they left me alone for a few minutes as I tried to recover.
I understand he did what he did to save himself, but to this day I do not understand the power the leader had over these other two guys......I don't get it.
I guess at 11 I didn't know what I psychopath was, well I didn’t know what you called it, but I know he was one... it was very obvious.  He was the stranger parents warned their kids not to talk to, he was the bogeyman in your closet, he was the monster under your bed... and for the rest of my life he was the face I never seen... every night when I closed my eyes.
The other two were just weak followers but the leader; he was a monster, more scary than any horror movie character ever developed.
Who knows what any of their home lives were like... maybe they were beat everyday and abused sexually... I have no idea... what I do know is my home life was perfect, my life was perfect... and then... and then those fuckers changed that... forever.

They were taking their time making their next move, almost like they were either disorganized or were changing up the original plan... one or the other...but the waiting was excruciatingly painful, physically, as this wasn’t a real comfortable position to be in plus I was bound so tight at the ankles I thought my bones would snap.... and well mentally... I don't feel I have to explain that one.... if I do then you haven't been paying attention.
"What are we waiting for his butt to stop stinging," the second in command yelled over to the leader as he laughed... the leader very serious tone responded, "Yes, why - do you wanna be next?"  I think that solidified who was in charge.  I couldn’t help but smirk... but pretty soon my reason to smirk would quickly disappear.

I heard someone approaching from behind and as my senses were improving I could tell it was the leader, almost by smell...he touched my bum... then rubbed it for a minute... well what fucking gay ass shit are they going to do now these stupid bastards??
In a sinister voice which I could tell the asshole enjoyed he said four words.  “This will be fun".  I heard him turn and he was walking away but slapped my ass once and hard, then headed back to the others.  It was like they had rehearsed this for some sicko theatrical production, because next the second in command stepped up and I felt a finger between my cheeks, and then something a little cold and wet, I couldn't quite figure out what it was it was greasy, slippery even... so I outright asked.. "What is that?"... he just laughed and replied "Vaseline".  Before I could ask he just said... “Helps it go in easier."  I didn’t even have time to react to that comment when the third in command came over and adjusted my eye cover so my nose was not obstructed at all... “You have no problem breathing through your nose right."  “No, why?" ..... no answer but he quickly shoved a rag in my mouth and wrapped tape around my head 3 or 4 times to hold in the rag...I had to breathe through my nose because I sure couldn't through my mouth now.... but what the fuck were these bastards up to.  Ohhhhhh fuck... The tree branch now fuck ohhhhh my god help... this will probably kill me... don’t they realize that would actually rip up my insides... I’m about to die... right here, in the woods naked by three sick mentally disturbed bastards.

Suddenly the leader was behind me and uttered a statement that haunts me to this day... it wasn't as much what he said as it was the cold emotionless manner in which he said it... it was like... well the way a psychopath would talk... “Kid this is going to hurt like you have never hurt before."  I could only muffle a response that if there hadn’t been a rag in my mouth would have sound like a screaming 11 year old calling and crying for his mother... because right now I wanted my mommy and I wasn’t the least bit embarrassed about that.
"That’s why the rag is in your mouth, so nobody hears your screams."  He was right nobody heard my screams that day........and nobody heard the screams inside of me which would from time to time surface and become screams for help... ones I thought were very clear.

I knew it was now I was going to die... I knew it like I knew several times that day... but now I knew this really was the time... I was going to die and I haven't even kissed a girl yet, well Genie, but everyone kissed her!
I was now broken I shed tears that nobody would ever see and screamed noises that nobody would ever hear....I just wanted someone to show up and help me.. SOMEONE... my mind was slipping away into darkness I was insane at 11... well that sure was what it felt like.
The leader bent over and whispered in my ear.......very clear and very happy sarcastic, sadistic sounding... “We are all going to fuck you".
Well, that might have scared the living shit right out of me, it also confused me... it didn’t make sense.  I knew that fucking was a slang word for when a boy and a girl have sex...but then how would a boy fuck another boy...boys can’t have sex together obviously..
Before I could think anymore I felt a finger slip pretty much all the way up my hole... it didn’t hurt but I was fu king scared cause I had no idea what these sickos were doing,.... just like that a second finger... what the hell... then a third and that fucking hurt..I squirmed trying to get him to stop... I was pulled back in place and slapped hard across the back of the head....
What are they doing what the fuck are they doing to me... then I overheard, "Need to add more - it’s really tight".........Then like someone turned one a switch.... I’m sure I must have been the greenest kid in the entire world......and now my level of severe anxiety went off the charts and I was screaming at the top of my lungs... but there was no chance anyone would hear me......I knew then.......what they are going to fuck me meant...
But what type of messed of weirdo sicko demented fucked up psychopath would stick his dick in another boy’s ass... It was gross and now the Vaseline in my butthole felt disgusting...
Before I could react I heard pants behind me being undone, I heard laughter and then I felt the tip of a penis pass my cheeks, then as he tried to enter the hole I felt the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life...I couldn’t breathe I was panicking, tears were flowing and I was screaming silent whispers...I started squirming moving my torso so this didn’t get any more painful, I had to - I couldn’t take this...then his two henchmen one on each side held me in place and without any sympathy there was a big push and it was all the way in.... my heart was beating a mile a minute and the pain was so intense I'm sure I blacked out at least once...but for 10 minutes or more my ass was violated... the pain was deep inside a penetration so harsh I think I really did wish I was dead... then one final push and a deep disgusting sounding grunt and I could feel his nasty disgusting sperm up inside of me... this was so fucking brutal... I'm an 11 year old boy you nasty mother fuckers...

I think even they realized how spent I was at the moment because they seemed to give me a short break... how polite of them... assholes...
Then all over again I heard the pants come undone and off... more Vaseline was added and the second in command took his turn at the little whore piece of shit they were fucking.
This time as bizarre as it sounds I was lucky... the second in command lost the race to the gene pool it was skinny and not very long... it still hurt but not nearly as much... plus after less than 2 minutes I could feel him pull out and wet sperm hit my back.... he seemed pisssed off.“I feel like a fagot now, I'm not gay, I feel like a homo”... The leader just laughed and told him that because he is one...

The third guy the quiet guy just outright said... his ass still hurt and he wasn’t into it... To my surprise the leader just laughed and said... oh well you miss out in the fun... I can’t tell you how deep a sigh of relief I made but I know I was very, very relieved...
Suddenly I was being untied from the ankles, the rope burn was so, so very painful, and then my hands were free from the stump they had been tied to.... I was lead a few feet down the path then off to the side in a well hidden bushed in area...I was laid on my stomach and my hands and feet were once again tied..  Then an extra rope which rendered me immobile...I was more or less hog tied.... "Were going to let you live kid, but we know who you are, we know where you live, we know your family, if anyone finds out about this we will kill you, sneak in your bedroom window at night and cut your throat." then I heard the click of the knife and he touched the back of my neck with it... just to show he could do it.  It was all for dramatic effect and it worked.  Then they were gone....
How the fuck am I gonna get untied, even if I hear someone my mouth is still gagged... and these ropes are so tight... I’m gonna die here...I’m gonna fucking die in the woods I used to love …naked and tied up like an animal...wait... eventually they will look for me... won’t they... what if they don’t find me... 2 years from now some poor 10 year old boy will find a pile of ropes and a skeleton......he will scream and run home ... the paper the next day will mention how the missing boy was found.. a tragic ending...
“I’m not missing my turn I’m gonna fuck that little fagot... wait here ok I'll be back... I'm gonna fuck him good...”
Seconds later the quiet guy was back... he loosened all the ropes and removed the gag from my mouth... the tape hurt like hell on my face and ripped out a lot of hair.
"Kid count to 1000 before you lift your face up and try anything...these guys are crazy... listen to what he told you, and Kid, I'm sorry."  I think I heard a tremor in his voice like he was crying... but I'm not sure.  To me it's is irrelevant if he was sorry or not... he could have stopped what happened... no matter how afraid he was... he could have stopped it... but... he didn't.

"Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run but it stays right by my side
So tear me open, pour me out
There's nothing inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me
UNTIL IT SLEEPS!!  - Metallica

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16- Free, But Not From Me

I spent at least 30 minutes trying to get myself free... the knots were loosened but where still very tight.....I was able to wiggle my feet free which changed the entire structure of the "hog tying contraption".. from there I was able to get my hands undone......and when I removed the face gear the bright sunlight stung my eyes... I was however happy to see it, as I knew it was still mid day.  Funny how the human mind works.  I was thinking... Oh good I won’t be late for my paper route, I didn't miss supper... I... I... I'm standing naked in the middle of the woods... Holy fuck!  I think based on the line of the stream I can guess approx where my clothes might be... God I hope at least...how much of a final humiliation would that be...walking through my neighborhood like the day I was born.
As I back track I find my shirt, the shorts then after a hunt a few yards away a pair of powder blue briefs... and mine even!  I quickly got dressed but realized although my legs and buttocks and other various body parts hurt my ass, inside and out was the worst....it was painful to walk. But that didn't matter I had to get out of these fucking woods, and right now.  I slowly made it through the paths in pain and also being very aware that any second they could pop out and grab me again.......but they didn't terrorize me again that day..........they terrorized me every day, in everything I did.  I heard their voices when I woke up and in my dreams... almost every night.  I would check the windows in our house almost constantly, and on those warm humid summer nights after my parents were sound asleep... I would shut and lock my window... it was hell on earth.  It really was.
But today they were gone, they had already tortured and raped me and they must have had enough... I climbed the path over near the Nelson's house... good God that was painful, I crossed the street near the Bembridges'; he was the editor for the paper I delivered. Crossed again at the Meumniers... I had a crush on their daughter Paula; she was a year older and probably didn’t even know I was alive.
Finally I walked up our driveway... half way up I looked to my left... for a brief second I felt like knocking on the door of my parents closest friends the Reids... Ralph was a well respected police officer he could help me... then I remembered their threat, and thought of the humiliation.  I turned toward the back door of my house that lead directly into the laundry room, my old clothes would be stashed under the sink basin...I reached for the handle to open the door and a horrifying thought came to mind... what if the door were locked as it sometimes was... my hands trembled as I reached and grabbed the handle... it turned and down the back steps I limped... I stripped down and tossed my old clothes in the middle of the dirty laundry basket.... then I looked down at my underwear and they were more red than blue... I grabbed some paper towel and shoved it up there to hold the bleeding... my underwear I rummaged through the downstairs garbage and made sure they were at the bottom, never to be seen again.

I bolted to my room and changed into pants and a pair of underwear that would hold my new formed maxi pad in place...It was over two weeks before the bleeding stopped enough that I could discard my homemade pads all together....using the bathroom was excruciating..it was crazy that I didn’t tell someone based on that alone... but shame makes people do funny things.

I thought about it after and if any of the neighbors had seen me walking up the street that day it probably without closer inspection would have looked like a normal 11 year old boy beat up after a day in the woods.  That day, and every day since has been far from normal.

The last few weeks of summer and fall had been humid and warm... as I recall it...I wore pants the entire time... "Aren’t you hot?”... "How can you dress like that? " were questions I got all the time.  But I had to hide the welts on the back of my knees.

I also had to hide the welts that grew inside of me.....for a while I was good at that... I could easily put on a happy face... but there were signs...that summer had changed me forever. Ian made a statement last week that got me thinking... It was always just him and I.. Sometimes a third, but from a young age I prefered to avoid large groups..It was like my anxiety went on overload and I didn't know what to do.

I look out my window and see my bundle of papers sitting on the curb... I grab my paper bag say goodbye to my mom and start off  like I always did - here’s your paper 29 Glendalea Crescent, then down to 35...I finish my 5 streets only stopping a couple times to cry.  Home for supper... Then the next few days I didn't leave the house except for my paper route, friends would call on me and I was always busy reading about another mess the Hardy Boys had managed to get themselves into..... my mom would say you should go out – it’s summer and a nice day......I would respond that I was content to just read... she probably just thought I was weird, which I was...........
And I was 11...


Submitted: December 22, 2014

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