SOMETIMES THE GODS MUST LAUGH

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
BASED ON A TRUTH HAPPENING....NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT AND GUILTY..LOL

Submitted: March 02, 2008

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Submitted: March 02, 2008

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Sometimes the God’s Must Laugh
In the firm of Smith, Smythe and Smart it was traditional for potential Vice Presidential candidates to be vetted at the senior partner’s mansion in Houston’s gold bricked driveway suburb. The firm considered the mates of the candidates to be just as important in this process so the pressure applied to be perfect increased to the breaking point.
Andrew Best , the youngest in the running, hoped his name would somehow cause a subliminal boost because his wife Sunshine…please God do not let that slip….”Sunny,” to most was definitely not a lady who “lunched”. The senior partner Smith’s wife, Angelica, did nothing but lunch. Andrew broke out in a rash just thinking about the up-coming weekend of dressing for dinner, cocktails by the pool and carefully crafted anecdotes.

Sunny on the other hand was blithely oblivious to the trip wires and bubbled happily about what to wear. Andrew deftly sidetracked her first choices of evening dresses and bathing suits that looked like Fredericks of Hollywood picks to simple black sheaths and a one piece bathing suit that actually covered her genitals. He had learned early on that all he had to do was to say that the one he wanted her to wear made her look thinner. Sunny didn’t need to look thinner really, but it seems every woman likes the sound of that. Hoping for her to get laryngitis was too much to wish for so when they packed for the weekend he vowed to carry the conversational ball. He loved Sunny but she lacked the verbal polish Angelica would be setting her radar for.

Putting his game face on, Andrew rang the bell at the mansion’s massive dark oak door. Sunny, usually calm , showed her nervousness in the sweaty hand he held. The butler opened the door onto a soaring foyer, all marble and glass . Overhead a huge chandelier hung over the gleaming mass reminding Andrew for some nervous-making reason of the Pit and the Pendulum. Angelica strode forward like a sail boat tacking into the wind, balancing a huge martini glass in one hand and her other offered to Andrew. Andrew didn’t know if she expected him to kiss her hand or shake it so he awkwardly grasped it in both hands then quickly introduced Sunny. Sunny looked so refreshingly healthy next to the older woman who looked so thin, tanned and dry that Andrew thought of a mummy.
Pleasantries over, Angelica beckoned them up the winding staircase to their room at the end of a long hall guarded by dour portraits of long dead ancestors. With a flourish Angelica opened the door and gestured with the martini glass that they had the Regency Room, quickly mentioned that dinner was at eight and drinks were being served in the garden by the pool and left.
Sunny moved through the room with eyes round as saucers. Priceless antiques furnished the room and a huge white fur rug dominated the center. Sunny shopped garage sales in hopes of one day finding an antique that missed the attention of the owners. She was currently batting zero so every lamp and ash tray was picked up, turned over to check the silver marks or an artist’s signature. Andrew had gotten as far as taking off his sports jacket and was in the process of hanging it up in the closet when out of the corner of his eye he saw Sunny pick up an inkwell from a fragile looking writing table. Time stood still as he anticipated her next move, knowing that he would not be able to advert disaster. Intent, Sunny turned the inkwell over, oblivious to the possibility that it would actually be filled with ink.
In an instant black ink poured out onto the white rug, Sunny gasped and Andrew saw his future flipping burgers at Micky Dee’s. Finally galvanized into action they raided the bathroom for towels and managed to spread the stain and ruin the towels.
There was nothing for it but to go to Angelica and explain the accident and hope for the best. Like death row prisoners walking the last mile they went towards the laughter and splashing that signaled the cocktail party in progress.
Andrew caught the butler’s eye and asked that the lady of the house come to their room as soon as possible.
Back in the room and awaiting the mercy of the lady of the house the scene before them looked like five year olds had been let loose with a finger painting assignment..all in black.Sunny kept murmuring about how it was an accident and that surely Angelica would just laugh it off and regale the guests with an account of their clumsiness…laughs all around. Andrew was amazedat her ability to put a good face on anything ,but also hopeful, after all it was an accident.
Footfalls muffled by the deep Persian rug hall runner announced the arrival of Angelica. She knocked on the door and sung our brightly, inquiring as towhether or not they were “decent”.
Andrew slumped to the door and then swung it open a crack. Angelica’s gaze went quickly from Andrew’s face to the sliver of chaos with Sunny bravely still trying to turn black into white but simply transferring more black onto white towels.
A few heartbeats as Angelica’s face flushed to crimson thenflew into the room stiff arming Andrew in the process. She spun though the room emitting inarticulate gasps of horror before finally coming to a quivering halt square in the middle of the ruined rug.
The words that spewed out of her mouth were like ground glass, cutting and cruel as she used words like “trailer trash”, “over my dead body” and finally “get out of my house”!
Andrew quickly ran through a dozen feelings that ran the gamut of pure anger at Sunny for ruining his chances for promotion to pure anger at the mean-mouthed ,haughty bitch , Angelica.
Sunny’s expression was one she seldom wore, one of pure knitted brow determination.She turned on Angelica and strode to the closet and silently pulled their clothes off hangers and out of drawer and stuffed them into their suitcase and deliberately, on purpose bumped into Agelica, hard enough to cause her to lose her already boozey balance. Andrew caught her just in time to avert her fall, set her firmly upright and hurried to catch up with Sunny as she swept out the door towards where their car was parked.
Safely inside the car, her brave face crumpling into tears Sunny whimpered and sniffled all the way back to their home. Andrew thoughts pinged and ponged as he pictured various ways he would murder Angelica, but by the time they had pulled into the driveway was thinking damage control to his career.
That night Andrew turned and twisted and got little sleep. By morning he decided on a last ditch effort to try to patch things over with Angelica and perhaps, just perhaps, at least save his job if not his chances at the promotion which he thought was beyond hope.
His plan was simple, a bouquet of flowers and a sincere apology.
Virtually throwing himself on her sober mercy.So off he went before Sunny was even out of bed..not a problem as on the weekends she never arose before eleven.
Andrew rang the bell and waited nervously while waiting for the butler to announce him. The butler returned and showed Andrew to the Music Room, a vast room dominated by a shiny grand piano surrounded by delicate looking French Provincial gilt chairs. Andrew hands were convulsively gripping the bouquet as he heard the sound of Angelica’s voice on the floor above. He circled the room trying to remember his little speech all the while keeping his eye on the doorway for any sign of Angelica.
Suddenly he felt exhausted, the sleepless night on top of the anxietymade his knees weak. He sunk , no, collapsed onto one of the gilt chairs. An odd snapping noise brought Andrew back to “alert”. His bottom also felt odd as if the chair pillow seat was oddly lumpy. At first he thought the delicate chair had broken which caused a frisson of fear to grab his heart. What calamity could be next? Slowly Andrew stood and turned to assess the damage to the chair thinking hopefully that at least it hadn’t been reduced to a pile if gilded sticks on the floor.
Gripping the flowers ; a huge arrangement, Andrew peeked over the bunch and was horrified by what lay before him. Stretched out on the seat was a very still , very small dog. Its’ head at an unnatural angle…quite dead.
Overhead Angelica’s voice could be heard calling for her dog FiFi andmaking her way towards the Music Room. This galvanized Andrew into desparate action. His eye went to the piano and an immediate plan formed.He quickly raised the lid of the piano, stuffed the still warm, limp dog into the piano, added the flowers and closed the lid and made haste back out the front door and peeled out of the white gravel drive.
Once safely away Andrew began to laugh. At first a chuckle bubbled up then full guffaws . Banging the wheel with each bellow of laughter Andrew drove home thinking the weekend was not a total loss after all….too bad about the dog though!


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