The Mind Of Emotional Abuse

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
This poem is personal, and gives you a look at the mind of an Emotionally abused spouse.

Submitted: August 20, 2011

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Submitted: August 20, 2011

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A little one is now my thoughts,
All my frets and prayers,
How we got here I can’t even describe,
Sometimes its more than I can bare.

You are who you are, and I loved you for that,
I loved you for all your quirks and flaws.
When you got mad and angry you spat,
Breaking down all my strong built walls.

I’d smile and hide inside myself,
Just a little while longer,
He’ll come down,
He’ll say he’s sorry….

It doesn’t matter,
Everything he’s ever said,
Over and over,
Again in my head.

I’m lazy, I’m thoughtless,
I’m selfish, It has to all be true,
You say you love me,
You just tore me in half; in two.

You did it once, then one time after that,
Again and again until I had nothing left.
You promised it would change,
So I held my breathe,
Waiting for that day.

Again and again, lower I fell,
You turned to other women,
I was in my own personal hell.

You only talked to her,
It was only one kiss,
It didn’t mean a thing,
You want me to dismiss…

What about those other girls,
The other times before,
I forgave you repeatedly,
I have one guy over and im a whore.

You were my first real relationship,
I hardly knew myself, I don’t even know who I am,
I should have never started this,
Nothing from you I demand.

I’m sorry I didn’t know how things worked,
I’m sorry for being so bad,
All I ever wanted,
Was to be the best you’ve ever had.

I’m sorry I hurt you so badly,
I’m sorry I drove you to it,
I’m sorry for not trying harder,
I’m sorry for everything.

You have problems, issues I’m told
I tried to be there, I tried to be bold.
I don’t know how to handle you, in every way I tried.
Now all that’s left of me is to break down and cry.

I’m not being fair,
I’m not being kind,
I’m not being understanding,
I’m just being blind.

I should understand your pain,
And everything you’ve been thru.
Its hard to see the big picture,
After everything I’ve done for you.

I cared for you, and loved you,
The best way I knew how.
I’m sorry I’m imperfect,
I’m sorry I let you down.

You never changed,
And because I held my breathe,
I’m sitting here alone,
Crying to myself wishing everything could be undone.

How can I be a good mother,
When I can’t even carry on a stable relationship.
How can I keep my baby safe,
When I can’t even keep myself together.

I’ve forgiven you with all my heart,
Everything from this past year,
I’ve dealt with all I can handle,
Its time for me to heal.

I can’t change who you are,
I can’t make you understand,
What all you put me through,
Might as well have shoved me in the sand.

I have been hurt and jaded,
I’m broken like never before,
I don’t know if I can recover,
I deserve to be dead on the floor.

I’m sorry I’m still learning,
If I just knew how to change,
I should have doted on you,
I should have cared for you more.

I'm sorry I let you down. 


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