I woke up to the sun screaming through the shades, the sounds of cars grumbling and screeching, and my crazy neighbours yelling and screaming at each other, but none of this mattered. Why? I was in love with one of the most amazing girl on the planet, she was as beautiful as the sun is bright, but it seemed that all of my love and lunacy was to be short lived as she was not in love with me, she never had. I was blind by love, not seeing the inevitable hurt that I would be feeling as continued to be drawn in by hey beauty.
I was once just walking the streets continuing to think about the girl I loved, I was ignoring all the people around me, just thinking of her. As I walked I suddenly realised something, it was as if I was just slapped out of a trance. I saw a couple together, they were blindly in love with each other, it looked like they had been together all their lives, but they looked about 16, I realised that me and her would never be like them, we would never be together, we would never be in love with each other and we would only ever be friends. That’s when I decided something just had to change. I decided that I wasn’t going to quit until she was mine, until I had won her over. I was determined, nothing else was on my mind, not work, not friends, not anything or anyone but her. I decided that the only way that she would be mine is if I was to gain her trust, become the closest friend she has, be the friend that is always there for her, be the friend that has always got the shoulder for her to cry on. After a short while I was that friend and after a while I discovered that that friend was not what I wanted to be, I had been foolish. Being that friend meant that I now was more like a brother to her. When I realised this I felt like the most ridicules person in the world I knew that I had only one way to go, but I was like a rabbit trapped in headlights, there was only one way that it was going to end is that someone’s going to get hurt. I had to pop the question, there was no holding me back I was like a charging bull and nothing was to stop me. I went up to her in the middle of the day and gave her an offer she couldn’t refuse. I said to her that I loved her, I said to her that we are meant for each other, I told her that I would do anything for her, that I would always be there for her and that I could make her happy. I stood there and waited for her to respond, I felt like a child on Christmas just waiting for his presents, but this child was to be disappointed. She looked me in the eyes and said “I’m sorry; I’m with someone else”. My heart groaned, I felt like I had been shot in the stomach. So I just turned and ran, I ran from her, I ran from the embarrassment, I ran from myself. That day was the day that I let go...
I didn’t know what to do, for the rest of the day I just sat and looked out from my window; I saw the people walking below and I just realised how robot like we all really are, none of us are different we are all the same, we spend our lives confound in our own little boxes, none of us live, we all chase after goals of money and recognition, we are just robots with the same objectives but different looks, this lead me to think about other things like how we seem to be the only species that will kill each other like we do, I mean what other animal will kill each other by the million. We think we’re the most advanced race; we’re anything but it, just because we’ve made machines that can think for us that can walk for us, just because we can move faster than our bodies allow us, just because we can send things into outer space, does not mean we are more advanced. If an advanced race is a race that will kill each other for land or for money and if an advanced race is one that will see a stranger in need and will simply walk past and do nothing then advanced needs a new meaning. If the human race is to be truly advanced we need to live with each other, and not just kill and hurt one another. I thought about the Earth as whole and how it’s just like a living organism, and how we should be treating it with care, not just consuming its recourses indefinitely. From these realisations I thought that maybe it was for the best that she said she was with someone else, maybe it means that I can go on and live on with me and me alone. Like a lone wolf I would walk the landscape, and see what’s left of the world to see.
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Essay / True Confessions
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