A barefoot kind of girl...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A short excerpt from the forth coming book " A day in the life of a Spider Spazing Freak".

Submitted: October 23, 2014

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Submitted: October 23, 2014

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  As a rule, i am a "Barefoot" kind of gal. I hate wearing shoes! Friends and family alike watch me with faces of PAIN as i walk on gravel, dirt, crushed glass, molting Hot lava, without batting an eye. In fact i am quite sure the aborigines of the African jungles couldn't hold a candle to me. It has it's advantages to be sure. Say you are alone, barefoot, on a deserted gravel road, and a  knife wielding psycho carrying a Spider comes after you. Providing that he too is barefoot, you can out run him! Thus saving your life! Then again, you don't get a lot of offers from men wanting to give you a foot massage! Well, not unless they have stomachs lined in  lead! My husband rubbed my feet once.. but when a rough patch on my heel cut his hand.. he stopped.  So yesterday came as a most unpleasant surprise for me as i was out in my yard doing some work. I had walked to my car to get a bag of mulch when along the way i noticed a big Fat Spider sitting on the lower part of my deck railing. I made a mental note to grab the Raid on my way back. I got the mulch, my can of Raid and walked back to my yard. I notice the Spider is gone! So i continue to walk along my little brick path to the grass. I thought i had stepped on a blueberry, as we have a huge Blueberry bush out back and they fall off when they get really ripe. I look behind me and think "DANG! Must have been a huge Blueberry". Well,  i look a little closer and i see what looks like the remains of some leftover legs! Now unless my blueberry's have grown legs and taken up walking, I NOW KNOW WHATS ON THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT! I did NOT even bother to look, i just started swiping my foot along the grass the way a Bull does before he charges! I start stomping my foot and grinding it into the ground! I grab the hose and start spraying the bottom of my foot at full force.  The water hits my foot, splashes off and into my face! Now all i can think is that i have Spider guts on my face! I take the hose and spray myself in the face, all the while still stomping my foot into the grass! This is what i call "Multitasking" while "Spazing". So, thoroughly soaked and looking the fool, i hear a voice from the other side of my fence say, " Found another Spider unh?". This was followed by laughter. LOTS OF LAUGHTER! Is it any wonder i didn't date much back in high school?


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