S.O.B Story Pilot episode/episode 1

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
a script series about Andrew Sob. He is a person that can be kind of jerk. Everything always seems to go wrong for Andrew, and he loses his temper when things do. His girlfriend Heather, keeps him grounded, however she can't stop all of his jerkface behavior. Andrew also Has Greg, the only friend that is willing to put up with all of his S.O.B mentality. Somehow they make it work, even though they are on Karma's bad side.

Submitted: April 06, 2014

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Submitted: April 06, 2014

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S.O.B Story

Pilot episode

Written By

Trevor Stripling/Comgree


Episode 1

 

Snakes and Star Wars.

 

Fade IN:

 

SET: ANDREW’S AND HEATHER’s APARTMENT-BEDROOM-MORNING

 

Scene: A Bed With lots of different kinds of snakes, Andrew and Heather are in the Bed.

 

ANDREW- A man in his late 20’s. He is Heather’s boyfriend and He has very bad Karma/Luck.

 

HEATHER- Andrew’s Girlfriend. She is very nice to those around her.

 

Andrew wakes up to discover the snakes in the bed. He shakes Heather awake, then is bitten on the crotch by one of the snakes.

 

Andrew jumps out of bed, naked, struggling to walk.

Heather helps him to the bathtub and turns on the water

 

SET: BATHROOM

 

Heather picks up the phone and calls 911.

She looks very panicked and worried

 

ANDREW. Heavy Breathing

 

HEATHER. Help my boyfriend was bitten by a snake! Also tons of snakes are in our bedroom!

 

DISPATCHER.Ma’am please remain calm. Do you know if it is poisonous?

 

HEATHER. I don't know!

 

DISPATCHER. Where was he bitten?

 

HEATHER. Um...on his crotch, I think the snake thought it was a mouse.

 

DISPATCHER. Ma’am, remain calm, I am sending help.

 

The Dispatcher hangs up the phone and laughs at the situation

 

LATER THAT DAY:

 

HEATHER. It turns out the snake wasn't poisonous.

 

ANDREW.  That's good, but it looks like I got a 'blowjob' from a vampire on my crotch.

 

HEATHER. Well you are the first guy I know to get a 'blowjob' from a snake!

 

ANDREW. Haha, very funny

 

ANDREW. By the way what do you think caused the snakes to get in our bed?

 

HEATHER. Maybe the snakes craved warmth?

 

ANDREW. I mean where did they come from?

 

Heather. I don't know maybe the zoo or a local reptile house? 

 

 

 

NEWS REPORTER. Citizens are advised to stay in their homes due to a recent snake outbreak. The snakes escaped from a local zoo and are non- venomous.

 

Andrew. Damn Snakes!

 

THE NEXT WEEK:

 

Andrew is talking to Greg over the phone.

 

GREG- Is Andrew’s friend from his college days. He still acts like a Frat-boy.

 

ANDREW. Hey Greg you will never guess what happened last week.

 

GREG. Tell me later I'm kinda busy right now.

 

GREG. Oh ya, Baby, You want this?

 

Girl. So, you're in to kinky roleplaying?

 

ANDREW. Are you having sex right now?

 

GREG. Uh no. What? Bye Andy.

 

Andrew hangs up the phone.

 

Cut to Greg About to bang a chick in a Princess Leia Slave Outfit.

 

GREG. I'm gonna go all Jabba on you tonight!

 

GIRL. Oh god no.

 

GREG. I'm gonna stick my saber in the Sarlacc Pit of sex.

 

GIRL”S THOUGHTS. I really just wanted a normal guy.

 

GREG. Gonna use my Jedi Mind Dick.

 

GIRL’S THOUGHTS. Worst one night stand ever

 

Greg. Tomorrow we can have Dr Who sex.

I have been wanting to use my 'Sonic Screwdriver'.

 

HE Winks at the Girl.

 

GREG. I got glow in the dark condoms

 

GIRL. Sounds like ‘fun’.

 

She rolls her eyes when Greg looks away

 

Cut: TO ANDREW IN THE WAITING ROOM AT THE DOCTOR.

 

SET: WAITING ROOM,(JUST COPY THE ONE FROM ANY ER SHOW).

 

NURSE 1. Fill this out and wait for your name to be called.

Mr...?

 

ANDREW. It's Sob, Andrew Sob.

 

NURSE 1. Okay Mister Sob. Go sit over there and wait.

 

Nurse 1 Leaves and another nurse takes her place

 

NURSE 2. Looks at Andrew's information.

 

NURSE 2. Picks up the intercom and says== "Mister Son of a Bitch", the doctor will see you now.

 

All of the people in the waiting room are shocked.

 

Andrew, Face Palms

 

NURSE 2. Hurry up Son of a Bitch, go see the doctor.

 

Andrew. (under his breathe) Okay, Bitch. He walks towards the door.He opens the door

 

SET: DOCTOR’S OFFICE-VERY GENERIC

 

Andrew is in the doctor's office. He closes the door behind him.

 

The Doctor walk through the door and shuts it behind him

 

He Looks at Andrew's name a little shocked.

 

DOCTOR. OK mister ''Sonofabitch'' what seems to be the problem?

 

ANDREW. It's Sob Andrew Sob, And I was bitten by a non- poisonous snake.

 

DOCTOR. OK Mister Sob, let me look at this snake bite.

 

Andrew pulls down his pants for the doctor.

 

DOCTOR. Hmm, yes I see. I think you are lucky still have your balls. I will prescribe something for you so it doesn't get infected.

 

ANDREW. What do you mean ‘lucky’?

 

DOCTOR. In most cases the snake castrates the victim.

Oh and you want to refrain from Sexual intercourse  until you heals

 

ANDREW. Okay thanks, I was worried that the scar will not go away. What do you think?

 

Doctor. I think it will heal.

Until it does just tell people a vampire sucked more than just your neck.(wink wink).


 

ANDREW. Vampire Oral? (Laughs nervously).That's what I told my girlfriend.

 

DOCTOR. Haha. That's what I tell all my patients that have fang marks by their manhood.

 

Andrew Pulls up his pants and leaves.

 

CUT: TO HEATHER

 

SET: APARTMENT


 

Back at the apartment, Heather had called the zoo to come and remove the snakes.

 

ZOOKEEPER. Was anyone injured?

 

HEATHER. My boyfriend Andrew....a python bit his ‘python’.

 

ZOOKEEPER. Oh, that's terrible. I hope he doesn't sue.

 

HEATHER. We won't sue if you pay for the damages. Why did it take so long to get help?

 

ZOOKEEPER. You are not the only case lots of individuals suffered snake bites. We are still unsure of who let the snakes escape.

 

Just then Andrew walks in

 

ANDREW. Heather, I'm home.

 

HEATHER. Hi, Honey.

 

Andrew Walks up to the Zookeeper.

He sees his name tag says “Cliff”.

 

ANDREW. Listen here Cliff, I will sue your zoo for all it is worth. Unless you meet my demands.

 

CLIFF. On behalf of the Brookburge Zoo I an truly sorry the snakes came to your house. We will give you a complimentary cruise, a free zoo membership for life, and Ten

Thousand dollars.

 

ANDREW. Well at least you are trying to make things better.

 

CLIFF. We try.

Um, if you want us to cover your medical bills we can do that to. However we will need proof that you really did get bitten.

 

Andrew is pissed off

 

ANDREW. Listen here you Jackass, I just was at the doctor getting my REAL snake bite that I REALLY have looked at!

 

Cliff is looking a little scared and embarrassed.


 

CLIFF. Listen man, uh to cover your medical bills we need pictures. As well as medical records.

 

Andrew, storms out of the room

 

Camera flashes are going off in another room.

 

Andrew storms back in the room and shoves the pictures in Cliff's

hands.

 

ANDREW. Congrats for turning Me into a porn star with an F***ed

up dick!

 

HEATHER. Cliff, I think you should leave, here are a copy of

his medical papers.

 

CLIFF. Sorry for the trouble I caused you folks.

 

ANDREW. Ya you better be sorry mother....!


 

CUT: to Heather and Andrew on their cruise.

 

SET: CRUISESHIP

 

HEATHER. I am glad Cliff came through.

 

ANDREW. Ya, I almost forgive him for being such an Asshole.

 

Just then someone calls out to Andrew

 

NURSE 2. Hey, Sonofabitch how ya doing.

 

HEATHER. What's that about?

 

HEATHER Smiles at Andrew.

 

ANDREW. Oh God, run!

 

FADE OUT:

 

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