S.O.B Story Season 2 Episode 1

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Greg gets high on 'Holy Water' and then the Gang decides to
Panda Moo a Chinese takeout/ 50's Burger joint hybrid.
And things go terribly wrong.

Submitted: November 09, 2014

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Submitted: November 09, 2014

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S.O.B Story

Episode 1 Season 2

Exercise Exorcist

 

FADE IN:

 

SCENE: GREG IS LOOKING TO EXERCISE SINCE HE IS OVERWEIGHT

 

SET: A STEREOTYPICAL GYM

 

GREG: So, this is a bike that doesn’t move?

 

GYM INSTRUCTOR: Yes, It is called an exercise bike.

 

GREG: What if I hurt myself, then I will have to sue you, right?

 

GYM INSTRUCTOR: Actually stepping through the doors and agreeing to our policy gives you little room to sue.

 

GREG: Well maybe I will just stick my hand in the the door and somehow hurt it...maybe.

 

GYM INSTRUCTOR: You are just stalling aren't you?

 

GREG: Who me? No.

 

GYM INSTRUCTOR: Before we begin you should stretch, I will exorcise the bike.

 

GREG: I’m the one who needs exercise though.

 

The GYM INSTRUCTOR pours a bottle labeled “Holy Water” on the bike.

 

GREG: Give me that stretching is hard work [Greg grabs for the bottle.]

 

GYM INSTRUCTOR: It is holy water you can’t have any, I use it to remove demons.

 

GREG: Okay fine…[he grabs it out of the GYM INSTRUCTOR’s hands and takes a swig]

 

GYM INSTRUCTOR: Now look what you’ve done, you’ve let the sweat demons escape.

 

GREG: Dude you are crazy, I am asking for a refund.

 

GREG goes over to the front desk at the gym and tries to ask for a refund, but instead he starts singing like he is in a church choir.

 

GREG: [Gospel singing] Thank you Jesus, Lord I want to thank you...Halleluyya!

 

Everyone in at the bar is super freaked out by this  

 

GREG: We Are Gonna praise the Lord for he is good, he gave us boobs and asses, Thank you Lord!

 

What Greg doesn’t know is that the “Holy Water” has a haussenatory drug.

 

Everybody is shocked even more

 

GREG: The Lorde gave us Royals and Tennis Courts!

Haleluya. He even gave is the sweet sweet leaves of the Mara-juwana plant! Let the Holy Smoke surround you,all you who are weak come to me...and I will slap you upside the head and call you p*****s.

 

The manager tells Greg to leave the gym

 

GREG:[terrible fake southern accent] I see how it is all ya’ll are dem’ devil worshipers with your demons and witchcrafty.

I will cleanse this place with the Holy water of my Dog.

 

Greg runs into the women's showers and turns on all the showerheads and the sinks, he runs into the mens and does the same.

 

GREG:[Thor Imitation] Begone foul beast. return to the deapts from which you came [talking to the shower drain].

 

Security comes and drags him out the door.

 

GREG:[Thor Imitation] [Yelling] FINE, FROM THIS DAY FORTH YEE GYMNASIUM SHATH BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!

 

Cut to Heather and Andrew’s Apartment Greg, Heather, and Andrew are all sitting in the living room. (this was before Andrew became a millionaire and before the whole Karma incident)

 

GREG: And that is why I never go to gyms. I have an amazing body so why should I intimidate the people there?

 

[In reality Greg could afford to lose some weight, but his high self esteem gets the better of him]

 

HEATHER:[Confused] So, you are saying you stole some guy’s ‘Holy Water’ and it made everything trippy when you drank it?

 

GREG: Ya, That is why I could never be Catholic, or go to the gym.

 

ANDREW:[Sarcasm] Wow, Greg you sure are smart. Avoiding gyms altogether is probably your best bet.

 

GREG: [Proud][Hands on hips] I know, thank you Andy you are never this nice to me.

 

ANDREW: [Rolls eyes]Sarcasm, Greg.

Who are you Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory?

 

HEATHER: No that’s you, sweety, mean and you don’t even realise.

 

ANDREW: Fair enough.

 

GREG: [Lame sounding] Ya, Ass****.

 

ANDREW: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

 

HEATHER: You both are acting like A-holes!

 

ANDREW: I won’t stoop down to your level Greg, I’m sorry?

 

GREG: That wasn’t a real apology…

 

ANDREW: That’s the best you’re gonna get, Ass****!

 

HEATHER: ANDREW! You are sleeping on the couch if you don’t act your age. You are acting like a 3 year old.

 

ANDREW: Sorry, Darling.

 

HEATHER: Now, what do you want to order for dinner?

 

GREG: AN ELEPHANT! If I was a vampire I would bite an elephant in the Butt so I could have two trunks, if you know what I mean, wink wink.

 

ANDREW: Greg, you are so stupid.

 

HEATHER: GREG, I am talking about real food.

 

ANDREW: PANDA MOO sound good?

 

HEATHER: Sounds fine to me.

 

GREG: Do they serve Moo Shoo there? Or the Poo Poo Platter? because I can’t order those without cracking up.

 

HEATHER:[Sighs] Greg, You are so immature.[Sarcastically] I am sure they have Unicorn on the menu.

 

GREG:[Does his best my little pony impression] Oh, I hope so!

 

ANDREW: Lets Go.

 

Cut to the restaurant, it is like a mix between an old school burger joint and Chinese takeout place. Oriental Poodle skirts anyone?

 

Greg, Andrew, and Heather are standing in line.

 

HEATHER: I will have the Poo Poo Platter, and a Soy Shake.

 

Greg burst into laughter, he falls to the floor causing the people in line to drop their trays of food.

 

HEATHER:[Mortified] GREG! STOP IT.

 

ANDREW:[Angry] THAT’S IT! [HE takes Greg by the shirt collar dragging him across the floor, he takes Greg to the nearest exit and pushes him outside.

 

Cut to Andrew and Heather eating at their table.

Greg looks like a sad puppy in the window by their table.

Heather looks at Greg and then at Andrew.

 

HEATHER: You have to let him back in it is cold outside.

 

ANDREW: Let him tough it out.

 

HEATHER:[mad, stern, whisper] Andrew, Let Greg in now.

 

ANDREW: [throws his hands in the air] Fine!

 

He walks over to the nearest exit and lets Greg back inside.

 

ANDREW: [Hisses to Greg] Behave will you, You’re not a Godd**n child!

 

GREG: [Hangs his head in shame]

 

They both walk back to the table where Heather is.

 

GREG: I’m sorry for acting like an Ass.

 

HEATHER: It’s okay, Greg. [half smile]

 

ANDREW:[Jokingly] Honestly I don’t know why I put up with you Greg.

 

GREG: After hearing my stories you think you would’ve learned by now.

 

ANDREW: I love you, Greg.

 

HEATHER: We Both love you big guy!

 

GREG: Aw, thanks.

[They all share a group hug.]

 

FADE OUT

 

EPISODE END

 

Thank you for reading S.O.B Episode 1 Season 2.

If you enjoyed reading please comment and like and tell me what you think. More episodes are on the way!

Copyright Trevor Stripling 2014

 


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