Ryan's Thoughts

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Ryan's experiences become too much when he finds out a horrible truth.

Content: Mild sexuality, strong language, mild themes and images

Submitted: December 31, 2010

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Submitted: December 31, 2010

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The sweat was pouring from Ryan’s pale naked body. He was laying in bed staring at his cream-colored ceiling just thinking, thinking about all the things he had done wrong, the things that he could have done better in his life, the things that didn’t matter anymore now that he was about to end it all.

Love.
It was one of those things that no one could ever understand no matter how hard they tried. Sure, people could pretend to understand it, but they never would.
He loved her.
He loved her with every ounce of passion that was in his body. But, she didn’t love him back. This was something he could never quite understand. She would always say that she loved him, always act like she loved him, always love him.

But not quite.

Laying in bed and thinking about it, he realized that she never loved him. She was only looking for a good time, a person to relieve stress. He couldn’t blame her; school was stressful these days. But why him? Why did she have to fool HIM? Why did she choose HIM to lead on. Why did she break HIS heart? Was he that much of a sucker? Did he really not see this one coming? Of course he saw it coming. He saw it coming from the first time they kissed. It was a beautiful kiss. No pressure, no awkwardness. Just like in the movies.

He thought there was something special there, but it turns out his gut was right all along. From the second he had that kiss, he felt a small yet ever present feeling that this was wrong. He felt that she did not really love him. But did he acknowledge that feeling?
Of course not.
He was a fool, and he let her play him to the point of no return. Ryan kept telling himself that the feeling would disappear, he was only imagining it, she loved him, she even said so, that car in her driveway wasn’t another guy, it was her sister’s friend, oh the car was still there when he woke up the next morning? Her sister’s friend must have had a sleep over. Yeah, that was it. Oh, there is a guy leaving the house now. He looks a lot younger than her sister. Maybe her sister was into young guys. It wasn’t his business.
He knew she was a bitch, a whore, a disloyal piece of trash. But he loved her, and he didn’t know why.
And the more he thought about it, the more it angered him. He did everything for her while they were together. He paid for all the dates and the movies. He pushed aside other friends and cancelled previous plans just so he could comfort her when she was feeling down.
He lost friends because of her.
He lied to his parents so he could go out and see her. He let her do things to him that he would let no other girl do. He was comfortable with her, he trusted her. He loved her.

He hated her. Look at all she had done to him. She was a lying bitch, and someone had to do something about it. He knew exactly how to get the message to her.

He walked over to his computer and turned on his webcam. He started into the camera for a few seconds and then began to talk. He talked of all the things she had done to him. He cried. He talked of all the times he had hurt him by leading him on, only to crush his hopes at the last minute, THEN only to take him back. He was on a rollercoaster ride from hell and he needed to get off.
Then he noticed that she was on. He had planned to save the recording and email it to her, but talking in person would be better.
He clicked on her icon and stared at his screen in horror.
There she was, in her room, naked. Ryan’s best friend was with her, also naked. She must have left the webcam on by accident. He watch for a few minutes as she rubbed her hands up and down his best friend’s penis, he watched him moan from the pleasure, he watched her smile. He couldn’t take anymore of this
. He went downstairs and opened the gun safe. He walked back upstairs and sat in front of the camera again. Jesus, he was eating her. What a fucking slut. What a fucking slut. He hated her. He wanted her dead.
He yelled into his microphone.
The people on the screen jumped and looked around the room, trying to figure out where the yell had come from. Both of their eyes settled on the computer screen. All three of them were looking at each other.
He didn’t know what to say.
He looked into her eyes. He saw the surprise in them. It made him smile. It made him happy to see her so rattled that she didn’t know what to say. He started laughing. He laughed harder and harder until the blank faces looking at him from the computer screen started panicking and asking him what the gun was for. After he laughed for a minute more, he stopped and smile. He looked at them and told them what it was for. Why, it is for me to kill myself.
He put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. His last image of life was the girl whom he had loved screaming and crying into the web cam, wanting him to come back, telling him that she loved him.

He wondered if it was a bad thing that he enjoyed that so much


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