I sat and watched the rain fall. With every drop, I felt a pang of sadness - of loneliness. My memories began to wash over me. I saw her, in all of her teenage beauty; her gorgeous smile, her piercing eyes, her silky hair. I watched as time regressed and she turned into a little girl again; she was beautiful then too, with her curls around her face and her silly, crooked grin. Time continued rolling back until I saw myself, my pregnant belly, and my joyous expression. Back then I couldn't have predicted how much happiness my little daughter could bring me.
Then one day all that glorious, radiant, happiness disappeared. The day my daughter passed away, I felt as if I had died and gone to hell. She was what I had been living for; she alone was my saving grace. What was I supposed to do next, where was my life supposed to go after she left me?
I pondered these questions until finally I fell asleep in my soft comfortable deep purple chair. With my eyes closed, my thoughts began swirling around in my head.
Finally I drifted into a dream, a peaceful dream. Still sitting in my purple chair, I saw a beautiful woman with golden hair walking towards me. She was dressed all in white, leading me to assume that she was an angel.
"Come with me," she said, beckoning towards me.
"Where are we going?" I asked, slowly getting up out of my comfortable chair.
"Just trust me," she said, reaching out her soft and delicate hand.
"Who are you?"
"Just call me Faith."
Tears immediately filled my eyes. That was my daughter's name. I took a deep breath, composed myself, then began questioning this mysterious woman. "Are you an angel? What do you want with me? Why are you here?"
"Shh," she put her finger to her lips. "Your questions will be answered soon enough.
Reluctantly, I took her hand and in the blink of an eye, the scene around me changed. Suddenly we were back at my mother's house in my old bedroom, watching as I cradled my baby. As I cradled her, I whispered something in her ear in a soothing voice. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." I smiled as I said the words.
Before I could stop and soak it all in, suddenly the scene shifted again. This time I saw myself in curled up in my bed with my daughter - now ten years old - sleeping by my side. "Today is Sunday, the Lord's day," said Faith. "And you," she continued, "have forgotten Him. You and your daughter sleep here without any intention of going to church, spending time in prayer, or reading His word."
As she spoke, I began to cry again - in part because I was seeing my daughter again and also because the angel was telling me the truth. I had abandoned God. Even before my daughter died, I had forsaken the Lord. When I was a senior in high school, I remember being on fire for Christ. Whatever I did, I did it with passion because I was trying to follow in Christ's footsteps.
Then things changed; I changed. This very time in which the angel Faith and I were standing was a mere four years in the past. Since then, I had continued to change, to stray away from my faith.
"I understand now," I said, looking Faith in the eye. "I understand why you came to me. You are here to restore my faith in Christ."
Faith the angel smiled sweetly - her smile was as genuine as my own Faith's smile. "You have discovered the answers to your own questions. All I did was provide the key for you to unlock the door. Go forward," she said, gently placing her hand on my shoulder, "knowing that He is King and You are His Daughter. Have faith and you will live happily, even in the absence of your daughter."
I turned my head to look at the two oblivious people, sound asleep in the bed, and when I turned back the angel was gone. Immediately I opened my eyes and realized it had all been a dream.
I sprung up from the chair, running into my bedroom and pulling my Bible off the shelf. I opened it up and my eyes fixated on Romans 15:13. It had always been my favorite verse; it had always been our verse. Until the angel showed me, I had forgotten how much this verse meant to me.
I took the Bible and went back to my chair. I sat down and looked at the rain again. Only now, with each drop, I felt possibilities reverberating throughout my body -
I felt the Holy Spirit healing me. I looked down and read our verse - "May the God of hope fill you with all peace and joy as you put your trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit "- and I envisioned a bright future, one filled again with happiness and peace. I pictured my family - my mother and father, and my older sister, all smiling, as if saying "Everything is okay. We know you miss her, but you must continue to live."
I still do miss Faith. I also love her and cherish her in my memories: she is what helps me get through every day as I continue to live. I live, because that rainy day, the Holy Spirit restored my Faith.
© Copyright 2016 Corinne Smith. All rights reserved.