Miles To Go - Archia's Contest

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Under ordinary circumstances a trip to the bathroom is pretty routine. When you can't walk at all it's a disastrous ordeal. This is what happens when you've had surgery on both knees and the person who said they'd take care of you.... doesn't.

I hit the floor so hard the cracking sound of my spine vibrated in my ears and knocked the breath out of me. The pain in my knees diminsihed briefly, but returned with a vengeance. The bed didn't seem that high when I started my slow descent down to the floor; it may as well have been miles. Now all I had to do was scoot myself into the bathroom and figure out how to get onto the toilet seat. Back toward the doorway, legs straight in front of me, I palmed the floor a couple of inches behind my back and dragged my body toward them. Painful, but tolerable. My bladder feeling the urgency with each ticking second, I decided to try to go farther and faster. Big mistake. Invisible knives sliced though my knees, the pain so intense I fell flat onto my back and watched the room spin. Surely the neighbors could hear my screams. When I came to he was kneeling over me reeking of booze. And all he could manage was some dumb ass question about why I peed myself.

 


Submitted: June 24, 2011

© Copyright 2022 cougarose. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Ona Whim

Wow! To be honest, my first inclination was to laugh. Not at the chain of events, but at the quizzical remark offered in the last line.

Seems I can remember a similar experience, though I must admit to having more in common at the time with the supposed caregiver, and was crawling to the bathroom to hurl. Ha!

Great paragraph, as it probably tells most of the story, or at least all that could be posted without multiple expletive deletes. Great imagery... felt the urgency and pain.

Well done!

Whim

Fri, June 24th, 2011 3:47am

Author
Reply

Thank you Whim. The ending was kinda funny in a way. I thought about having her slug him but there's no way she'd have the strength for that. But later on she will, mark my words!

~ cougarose

Thu, June 23rd, 2011 9:00pm

Archia

Ohhhh. I have to say I did find the last line kind of comical, really just the dumbness (is that a word?) of the caregiver. Thanks.

Fri, June 24th, 2011 12:28pm

Author
Reply

Interesting what we find amusing. Here we have someone who has passed out from pain while trying and failing to relieve themself in the accepted manner. Three people have found the ending comical. And yet, in context, it isn't funny at all.

Thanks for your comment Archia.

Fri, June 24th, 2011 4:26pm

Brian W

Alas another one that finds part of this amusing BUT I think it is more along the lines of how you have worded this story....I understand completely what it is like not being able to move unless pain is involved and trying to do simple things like get out of bed...A well written piece....Good luck with the contest.....Brian

Fri, August 12th, 2011 6:20am

Author
Reply

Thanks Brian, but it's over and I did not even get an honorable mention. LOL I guess it may have gone better had I not ended it with what seems to be funny, which in reality, is not. This is not a true story. In fact all of my stories can be considered fiction due to taking liberties with a small fact and embellishing the hell out of it. The one closest to the truth is the one about my speech. The instructor was not even slightly amused and did not react as I wrote him to. Anyway, I thank you for reading and your comments. ~ cougarose

Fri, August 12th, 2011 1:52pm

Wilbur

We're hitting familiar themes here - me and your writing. I have had both knees replaced. The thought of doing both at once always appalled me --- and after reading this know I have been right! Such a short story so complete in itself. Whole thing told in what? A couple of hundred words? Nice work. Very clear and clean and magnetic in compelling a reader to read to the end to understand what is happening the them via the character.
I kept saying to myself "how on earth does this person think they can get up on the john?!" and then, at the end, I was shaking my head at both choices - to have both knees done at once and to trust a thick-headed boozer (snap judgements allowed voyeuristic readers)
You have a snap and a crackle to your writing. I appreciate your voice. Kind regards, Connie

Sat, June 2nd, 2012 4:52pm

Author
Reply

I have stated that this is not a true story. But I did know someone who had had surgery and in no shape to be left alone, yet, she was. I thought... well what would happen if she had to go to the bathroom in the condition she was in. And this is where that thought took me. I've also known someone who had both knees replaced at the same time, and that just didn't sound like a good idea to me at all. I've not had it done, but my painful knees whisper words I fear may some day happen to me. Thank you for the wonderful comment.

~ cougarose

Sat, June 2nd, 2012 9:21pm

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