I Wanna Be My Own Conspiracy Theory

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Life is like a conspiracy theory sometimes, except that it really happens. But I could be wrong. WARNING There is something to offend nearly everyone here, including myself.

Submitted: January 07, 2012

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Submitted: January 07, 2012




I Wanna Be My Own Conspiracy Theory

I strongly suspect that I wasn’t even born,

Not here, nor in Hawaii, but created myself

Somewhere on a moon of Jupiter,

Perhaps Io or Europa or Ganymede

And that I forged my own birth certificate

To protect me from the truth about myself.


It’s possible that I killed Kennedy

At the tender age of two, and am

Probably responsible for all subsequent

Assassinations, political, religious and secular

For all world conflict, and conflict beyond

As well as the attacks on the World Trade Towers

And every natural disaster dating back to Vesuvius.


I was probably just bored that day

I shoved that iceberg before the Titanic

Or wanted to take out Leonardo diCaprio

Because he’s younger, better looking

And more successful than I am

But so are most of the rest of the planet

And the Lusitania was just an afterthought.


In fact you can probably trace every tragic

Event in history back to me. I probably kicked

Lucifer out of heaven, and offered Eve that apple too.

But I’m not responsible for the Port Arthur massacre.

That was Martin Bryant.

© Copyright 2018 Craig Davison. All rights reserved.