DOSZE June 2013-Desk Of Superior Zombie Experts

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Come one, come all. If you like zombies, mutants or creatures of the night (mostly zombies though). Please enjoy, and check out Shane & Ethan's copies. Leave a like and comment, please. Can't wait till next month.

Submitted: June 12, 2013

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Submitted: June 12, 2013




June-Month Of Beginnings

Welcome to the Desk of Superior Zombie Experts. (DOSZE for short). Each month I, alongside my friends Ryan Moxon & Ethan Crawley will talk about Zombie Survival, answer any questions you may have for us, and do special segments and questions made by ourselves. For the first month, as this is only the beginning, we have designed the first ‘issue’ from the DOSZE. This will be uploaded on, as a Microsoft Word document to We will release an audio file alongside it of us talking about this.

Question Time

In this section, we will answer questions. Please ask us some questions or give us requests of things to do in the comments.

Key: S-Shane, E-Ethan, R-Ryan.

Q: What got you into zombies?

S: Everything really. Society got me into zombies. I love the culture of watching movies, reading books and looking at zombie lore. It interests me greatly.

E: Call Of Duty. That’s all.

R: The Walking Dead games by Tell Tale games. Call Of Duty was a big factor as well.

Q: What would be your dream place to fortify?

S: Obviously somewhere safe. My choice, if I got to choose anywhere in the world would be a deserted island in the middle of the ocean. If I bring tools and seeds, I can survive there for a long time.

E: A bank or shopping centre. The accessibility to items, food and weapons.

R: Somewhere where there is a lot of food, canned preferably. My school would be my dream place to fortify.

Q: If you could only choose one gun to hold each, what is the name of the gun, and what type of gun is it?

S: I would most likely choose a light but powerful shotgun like the Spas 12. I know to some it may sound superficial, because they are featured in many video games, but looking on the specs, to me it would be best to have that.

E: The gun I choose Lee Enfield mk4 smle with bayonet fitted & sniper scope

R: Something small and compact, and doesn’t spray bullets. AKS74U. You can cook bacon on that son of a bitch.

Q: What role would you take on if the apocalypse occurred?

S: I would be leader. All my friends consider me one. I know a lot of information about Zombies. They are practically one of the only things I ever talk about.

E: I would take Marksmen, as I am a great expert in terms of weapons.

R: Scout/Scavenger as I am fast and I consider myself a bit of a tank. I know the essentials of life, and know a bit of parkour.

Q: Name one place you would never want to go in a Zombie outbreak.

S: A farm. Have you seen The Walking Dead? If Zombie lore has taught me anything, it is how to defend myself from zombies, and the humans that just want to kill me.

E: A field or a bridge for obvious reasons.

R: Big bridges as they are really high up, and you could get trapped in from both sides, in between two mobs of zombies. I’d be fucked!

Q: What is the one item you would never leave behind?

S: Upon considering factors that could play out in a Zombie Apocalypse, I would probably say a decent set of books. I love to read, and it would keep me from going insane.

E: Ammunition, so I can fuck shit up, and it’d be useful.

R: Fuck! Good question. Solar powered generator so we could charge anything we wanted. Hard to carry, though. Might need some help.

Gun Of The Month

This is the section where Ethan gets to take the lead. He is an expert when it comes to guns and vehicles. He will talk about the gun a bit in this section, and have a picture (once image adder/editor is back) of the gun.

Colt Python-

The Colt Python is a 6 shot revolver, double action, despite long barrel; easily concealed, high power output and is a highly reliable weapon. 45 Magnum round. A truly great gun to have.

5 Places To Never Go In An Apocalypse

We all know places that are prime in terms of whom will take them if an apocalypse were to occur. However, how educated are we in deciding where not to go?

5. Public Toilets-Who gives a shit were you do your business, unless you have a lot of people around you when entering a toilet to see if it is clean, do not enter these.

4. Cemeteries-Generally because that’s where the most zombies come from, and it would be petrifying.

3. High Rise Buildings-Anything two stories or lower would be a good idea, anything above could mean death. If zombies break into the building, there would be no way down.

2. Military Base-Despite the popular belief that you’d be safest going to a Military Base, odds are, those mother fuckers would shoot at you within seconds, partially due to the fact that they believe you are a zombie, or they may think you are infected.

1. Farm-If shows like The Walking Dead have taught us correctly, a farm can easily be burnt, and/or overrun by the zombies.

Ryan’s Corner

This is Ryan’s corner, where he talks about whatever he feels like during the month. Look out for random stuff.

The new Xbox (Xbox One) has been revealed. I wonder how they will enhance the zombie genre on the new console. In my personal belief, the Xbox One will make changes such as flesh and blood dropping from the zombies. I also think game mechanics should be changed, and made to be easier and more reliable to use. Maybe more realistic zombie games? The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct was probably the best, and most accurate representation of a takedown of a zombie. Call Of Duty tried to do this with options like you must kill zombies by headshot, but it just wasn’t as fun or realistic. Thanks guys. Talk to you next month.

Zombie Tip Of The Month

This is the section where you will see the tip of the month.

A Zombie Apocalypse is one of the only times when making too much noise can kill you, coming from few sources, being that of humans, accused of wrongdoing, and the fear-jerking zombies that invade our land.

Zombie Story

Everyone loves a good story. What if it was riddled with rotting corpses and dead humans rummaging around? Well look out, because here is the story of the month, created by Shane.

The cold reality

The cold sent shivers down Cameron’s spine. The winter down in Alaska had always been a bit harsh. He zipped up his jacket, and locked his front door. He yawned loudly. The atmosphere enforced in his mind that it was time for bed. His eyes grew dreary, and he felt himself entering a slumber. He couldn’t allow that, or he could get a cold, maybe even frostbite. He slapped himself across the face. His cold hand hitting his head made him feel dizzy. He shrugged the pain off, and put his keys in his pocket. He then preceded his daily walk to the fields.

Even for a cold day, the climate was inanimate, it was desolate. As he looked around, he neither saw happy children playing with toys on the footpath, nor home owners admiring their work. It was unusual, but Cameron took it as a sign that it was too cold.

Out on the field, he was to check on old Tom, who had been the caretaker for Raven Farm for 52 years. He knocked on the dilapidated, wooden door. Upon knocking, he waited for a reply, or for old Tom to answer the door, but found no reply.

His car, a 1980 Hilux was still in the driveway. Cameron was the only person who came around here, and he hadn’t used his car in years. The only time old Tom ever left the house was when Cameron would drive him to the supermarket.

In an act of panic, Cameron started screaming out to Tom, hoping for the best. After several minutes without a response, he decided that the best way to deal with this was to knock down the door. With a large snap, the door cracked open.

Cameron walked inside, reaching the kitchen. Every morning the kitchen would be a disgrace. Cameron cleaned up the mess from breakfast every morning, and Tom always had a nice breakfast of eggs and sausages or bacon ready for him to eat. Despite this, today, there was a clean spacious area, as sterile as it had been the night before, after Cameron had cleaned up after they had dinner.

He walked into Tom’s bedroom, getting a sensation that he may be dead. He turned the corner, and smelt something foul, something utterly strange and disgusting that he couldn’t think. It smelt like blood, it smelt like death! A moaning sound erupted from the room, and a pale looking Tom shifted his way towards Cameron, his bad leg limping behind him.

Cameron backed off. Yet another moaning noise came from the doorway. Cameron turned 180 degrees, and was faced with three zombies, recognizing them at 21 year old Liz, 26 year old Matt & 3 year old Sarah. They were all neighbours, and now they were all man-eaters.

In a moment of rage and chaos, the pale looking humans gnarled at Cameron, chomping at his skin. His consciousness faded, and the amount of blood lost was too great. Cameron died, as four zombies feasted on his cartilage. His only regret, making too much noise.

Zombies Invade Booksie

Make your best Zombie articles, scripts, stories, novels, short stories, song lyrics, anything really, and give a link in the comments, and next month, your content, with a link, may be provided in this article. Also, we will personally come and read everything, and like it if it is enjoyable.

The Tale Of Zombies-SOSNH Poetry:

Zombie Movie Of The Month

What movie did we watch this month that captured our attention the most.

Resident Evil: Retribution

Our Zombie Survival Plan- June 2013

Every month we will show you a step by step plan of our zombie survival instructions, and you, the reader, can decide if we have improved, or just stunk for the month. Tell us in the comments.

This survival plan starts and takes place as you wake up to find the Undead out on the streets. What would you do? Each point is in order, so follow it in this specific sequence.

  • Look around house or place of residence to make sure all exits are sealed shut, beware of windows and dog doors.
  • Calmly search around house for any items you could use for weapons. Beware of groaning, and moaning noises.
  • Use the weapon to kill anyone in your house that is a zombie. Do not regret, or pause, or you will become their meal.
  • Find a strong bag and begin to pack essentials in. This should include, but is not limited too a First Aid Kit, Food (Canned Food the best option as it is sustainable), Drinkable liquids and Ammunition and your guns if you have one or more. Pack something that you can use to stay sane. A few books that are interesting would suffice.
  • Gather any other people in the house, and arm them with any form of weapon, and more bags of items if required.
  • Have something to eat. Go to toilet. You will need to run fast and have energy.
  • If you have a map of your local area, look at it, attempting to find a place that would be safer.
  • When everyone is ready, glance out the door for any sign of the Undead. If the coast is clear, mark out where you want to go, and proceed quietly out of the door.
  • Stick together, and someone should always be looking backwards. Be careful of sounds, as they may attract the Undead, or, in fact, actually be the Undead.
  • If you come across a zombie and there is no possible way to ignore it, kill it as quietly and efficiently as possible.
  • Find a place to stay. It should be secure, large, and be easily defended. If you plan on staying there, you should fortify it by setting traps and such on the outside. It would also be a great time to start seeding as when you run out of food, you would be relying on the harvest.
  • If you want to move, make sure you have enough supplies. Having a vehicle is a better option, just remember to look in the back seat, and bonnet before driving in it.
  • Locate a nice place where you see yourself staying, and fortify it. Make it your own.
  • In the next few days to months, depending on the amount of Undead, clear them out, and look for a dock to the sea.
  • Find a ship, and be sure that it works.
  • Have your entire group, along with the supplies, come onto the boat. Canned Food is necessary!
  • If fuel needs refuelling often, have a few canisters of fuel ready.
  • Go around the sea, and search for an island, this way, the Undead would not be able to reach it, as they would drown in the water, and you could plant seeds in the grass. It would be sustainable, as long as you have the supplies.
  • It would also be necessary to find wood, hammers, nails and other building material to build huts to live in.
  • That is this month’s survival guide.

Final Notice

We hope you have enjoyed this article, and I encourage you to comment, and leave a like, and we will see you all next month, if the apocalypse hasn’t already begun.


Shane’s Account:

Ryan’s Account:
Ethan’s Account:

Note: The creator of our logo and our new wallpaper to be released possibly next month is Aaron … He has a Doctor Who Fan Wallpaper Facebook page. He is truly gifted. The link to this page is:

See you guys next month.


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