Schizophrenic

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic
A young girl never named but her illness is clear through out the story.

Submitted: July 11, 2013

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Submitted: July 11, 2013

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Schizophrenic

Part one- My Mind is My Hell

I sat in class today, Study Hall to be exact. "Let's play a game!" Luna's voice rang inside my head and her image flashed in-front of me. Her image consisting of long Snow White hair, lifeless dark blue eyes, and pale skin. Her clothes made up of dark jeans that had been torn and her black with white stripped shirt had been ripped in what appeared to be a struggle. Always, always she wore that Chelsea grin. Her lips had been cut up to her ears forever giving her a smile. This smile, this wicked smile, matched her crazed eyes which seemed to stare into my soul. All of their eyes did this, they saw through me.

"Go away," I whispered and my peers near me looked at me as if I was a freak. God it's happening again.

"We haven't seen blood in a while," Connor's voice followed as he sat beside me on top of the table. I fingered the razor in my pocket for the third time today knowing it was not my blood they wanted but my blood would service for now. I sliced my finger and shut my eyes tightly  but it was not enough. I opened them again and still he stared at me with dark, burning, coal like eyes.

Luna then appeared standing at my side, then Violet, and finally James all standing around me. Conner reached to grab my arm and I flinched at his cold touch then whimpered looking down at my wrists to see cuts covering my arms up to my shoulders. I whimpered again louder this time and shut my eyes. I could feel the blood on my skin pouring into the book I had been reading and onto the table.

"Go away..please.." I pleaded and looked up to see Conner shaking his head with a Cheshire grin plastered into his face. James then grabbed my shoulders and I felt fire cover my skin and I could hear the shrieking sound of Violet laughing.

"Let's play a game!" Luna would shout and take Connor's place, her long white hair partially  covering her face in parted strands. I hold back a shriek knowing that leaving to go to the bathroom and popping a few pills or cutting would only hold them off a few hours if not minutes. I slide my hands beneath the table and drag the sharp edge of my razor against my wrist after sliding my bracelet aside, and then, the bell rang.  My eyes shot open and they were gone. I bolt to class saying a silent prayer begging if God did exist he would take them away at least until I locked myself in my room and was safe at home. Still at school  in my next class I can hear them whispering in the back of my head, angry that I am telling whoever reads this what they do, then laughing at my suffering. I can't bring out my blade not now, but maybe I can last. Maybe I can wait and just take it for now. I picture myself  at home, sitting in my room on my bed, maybe writing  some poetry; usually that helps me feel better. Now, a replay of an event that had happened weeks ago flashes through my mind. My first “episode” during school, this was the day where I think I really lost it,  the day that my mind turned to my hell.


Connor had appeared before me first; he resembled one of my imaginary friends I had had as a kid but this time he was much different. Much different. His shaggy night black hair and burning coal like eyes, his sharp twisted smile that reminded me of a Cheshire cat or an evil clown, his skin was pale and looked lifeless and his clothes resembled that of a grave; bare and dark, containing no color or life, only darkness. Aside from this his voice was what scared me the most. It had a sort of, mocking and evil tone. “Oh, I see you looking at that girl,” he whispered bending down so his lips were beside my ear. “She’s so pretty. I wonder what her blood looks like. Cut her open and find out!” He laughed saying this, his laugh that of a true psychopath, dull yet hysterical.

The next to appear was Violet she again looked like an imaginary friend but one I had thought of during middle school. “So hasty” she would chuckle her voice sounded more like a hiss and her eyes seemed to glow a dark purple as her long burgundy colored hair fell around her shoulders and parted to show her stone cold yet beautiful eyes.  “Stop crying!” she shouted seeing the tears slowly fall stream my cheeks.

The next, another girl her image quickly flashed in-front of my eyes before she was clearly visible. Long snow white hair, ice-blue eyes, and pale unearthly skin, dressed in nothing more but black boots, dark ripped jeans, and a black and white striped shirt. “Let’s play a game” she giggled in a high child -like-voice though she appeared to be no more than 16 years of age. “What kind of game..” I spoke quietly feeling my hands shake as I looked at the people around me that had seemed to come out of nowhere. “A bloody game!” I hear Connor yell then laugh showing his sharp fang-like teeth as he thrust his head back. They back away now though I still hear whispers in the back of my mind but when I look around I no longer see them. I sigh and look in front of me jumping almost clear out of my chair as I see two males, whom I learn later are James and David. James has long dark red hair and deep green eyes his mouth curved into a wide grin as he stared at me and screamed, however I could not make out the words this still frightening me his clothes ragged and torn, his skin seemed to be cut in several places as well as burnt. His screams turned to soft humming as David spoke to me in a soft voice “Kill them, they are watching you. The shadows, run.” His brown shaggy hair close to covering his deep brown eyes, I could tell he was different than the others. His eyes, they hid his insanity deep within them. But the others they wore insanity on the outside and freely showed it in their eyes. His no, they hid his madness deep with, however I knew soon enough he would brake and so would I. Before I could ask what it was he meant the world around me seemed to go pitch black and I heard a soft voice singing a lullaby, but this was not calming this was, dark and it shook me truly.


kill them all

kill them all

slit their throats and watch them fall

see the splatter

hear the screams

oh what fun

what fun this seems

kill them all kill them all

slit their throats and watch them fall


As the song continued off into a soft humming I started to hear the figures laughing and I heard screams and I begun to see visions of what looked like shadows telling me that they were watching me and planing to kill me. The screams grew louder and my head begun to spin.  “Shut up!” I screamed and shook my head, “shut up! shut up!” I opened my eyes still covering my ears and shaking my head.


This happens everyday now and if not this exact then something like it, I don’t know what to do. I am so scared, I just wish this would stop. I open my eyes now and I see the shadows all around me and hear the whispers it is time to go home but still I am afraid to move the shadows are watching I know they are, but all the same I do not know what is real any more. God, if you are real, make this stop.

Soon after I am able to move, I begin to walk home not wanting to talk to anyone in my family who would pick me up from school.


I see you..

Little bitch, we are coming..

Die!


I whimper and shake my head. I know that it’s the shadows because of the hissing voice. However I do not see them. They must have found a way to get inside my head so I can’t see them and show others that they exist. But I know in my heart that they do. Continuing to walk it starts to rain and the hissing voice grows louder. “Just one more block,” whispering to myself, fingering the blade in my pocket. One more block and I can hide.


Part two- Darkness and Wonderland

Last night I had a dream that was so odd I was in Wonderland, like Alice in Wonderland.  But this was different, much different. This dream was dark not like I didn’t see that Alice in Wonderland  had it’s dark moments but this was darker, more insane I guess is the word I have for it. Sitting in my room now and staring at the posters on my walls, I  begin to write in my journal.


Deep inside my wonderland

a place filled with magic and mystery  

a place filled with fear, joy and laughs

and oh such misery  


The demons they call

the flowers they laugh

young boys they stall

I  see a man with a staff


he points it at me

and from his wrist it flies

shattering me

into a thousand pieces

of lies



the cat chases me like a mouse

down down down

to a hall of mirrors

which I learn is a house


down

down

down

into the rabbit hole

I fall

I fall..


the madman’s laugh with his wicked smile

the burning queen’s eyes

off with my head

I must face trial


circling me

circling me

as I fall


oh

oh

is this a ball?


the masks of faces

they seem so happy

yet their eyes,

hollow and empty


the cat will giggle and show his sharp-toothed grin

the mad man with laugh and poor some gin


the rabbit? the rabbit?

wearing a coat?

how silly how silly

is that a three-headed goat?


there it is I chase after him

the little rabbit

I must follow

I must get home..


but the rabbit stops

and I see nothing but darkness and the fur of the rabbit

then the madman laughs


off with my head

down with a thud.


Shadows, more and more shadows but I can’t see them all the time they have found a way into my head I swear, so now no one can see that they are real. I try telling a few kids at school but they laugh and think I am joking or say I am insane but I know I’m not. I see another at lunch and then Luna shows up at my side in the lunch line telling my to shove my razor into my friends’ necks because she thinks they are working for the shadows. I tap her on the shoulder and point to the shadow asking if she can see it and Luna only laughs and my friend gives me a weird look. Why can’t anyone else see the shadows!?

They’re everywhere! I turn around I see them. I close my eyes I see them. I hear them in my dreams and when I go out for walks. Whispering in my ear telling me to do bad things,telling me that they are after me they are coming for me. Everyone is in on it, they work for the shadows. They read my mind and tell them what I am thinking. I know this is true David told me. Every time I turn around I see the glowing red eyes and hear their screams and whispers. “It’s not real” I mutter sitting down to eat.


Dark

surrounded by darkness

the shadows

they laugh

they yell

screaming in my ears

I see their glowing fire eyes

more so like empty dark holes

they see through me

whisper in my ear..

"Kill.."

"go on,

splatter the blood."

they feed on hate

they cover me in darkness

though when I feel the cold metal,

sharp against my skin

all I see is red

beautiful

crimson,

deep lovely red

and I am free..


Part three- Succumbing to Madness

If I finally listen will they stop? If I die will I be free? Connor and Luna say that they only want me to hurt people because they are going to hurt me, because everyone works for the shadows. Maybe they’re right, I don’t know. Last night I heard my grandparents saying that they wanted me to go away to the hospital because my sister told them about my freaking out at school and she hears me talking to myself at night. Connor then appears at my bedside and points to my razor with a wicked smile on his face and his black orb-like eyes digging into me as the others appear around me. I look up at them all, Connor, Luna, Violet, James, and David. But David now I see him smiling and his eyes, they glow red like the shadows. I grip my razor tightly and run it across my wrist several times digging the sharp edge in deep. Just before I black out I see my grandma and sister run into my room and then my mind goes black..


Another dream, but I don’t understand it felt so real. So very, very real I gave in. I gave in to the voices. Luna and I played her game and then Connor helped me hang up my new “toys”.. My toys being my family. They were going to take me away! I had to I had to listen. I had to or they would take me away, lock me up I don’t want that. So they became my toys now I won’t get sent away. But waking up I hear the sound of a machine beeping and I open my eyes to see that I am in a hospital bed and the white lights are almost blinding. A man steps into the room my head fuzzy and I realize I am hooked up to tubes and my wrists and bandaged. “I see you’re awake.” He says in a calm voice with a fake smile. I glare at him. “Care to tell me why you hurt yourself?” He asks and I flinch, he wants in my head. I know it, he wants in my head so the shadows can find me. I can’t see them now so they must be waiting for me to tell him. “I talked to your family. Your sister said you’ve been telling kids at school you see things and hear voices?” he continued but his voice seemed to fade and I felt my hands shake. “You work for them!” I shout and he looks at me confused. “You work for the shadows.” I continue my voice growing soft as I try to taire at my wrists. He then calls a nurse and I try to fight her off but she injects me with something -- I am unsure what. Suddenly my eyes shut and my mind goes black again.


Part four- Treatment..

“Your treatment will begin in a few days,” the doctor states as I follow him quietly down a long hallway carrying the clothes my grandmother had brought me. Though the doctor assured me he does not work for the shadows nor does my family and that the shadows are just part of my “illness.” I don’t believe that for a minute. I can still hear Violet laughing in the back of my mind and James’s screams echo through my ears as we walk. I soon drown out the doctor and he leaves me to sit in my room.

Alone, I feel so alone trapped in this room with its white walls with no windows, the bed they give me is twin sized like my one at home but this one is different I feel the pillow and the blanket and sheets. The blanket feels rough and thin the sheets are white and stretch tightly over the bed. I sigh looking around the room. I notice Connor leaning against the wall and Violet sitting on top of the desk on built into the wall across the bed. “What do you want?” I hiss looking at them both, Connor frowns glaring at me with burning eyes and I envision him as a demon straight from Hell with black torn bat-like wings and long claws, with long twisted horns extending from the crown of his head. He then smiles wide and laughs throwing his head back. I think he can read my thoughts. “How clever,” he chuckles looking to Violet as she smirks at me her head tilted to the side as she studies the room.

“Too bad they didn’t give you a roommate,”  she speaks in a low voice looking me right in the eyes causing me to shiver slightly in fear. “I wanted to do something fun.” she giggles and jumps from the desk walking around the room.


We’re coming..


A voice hissed loudly in my ears and I scream and cover my ears and shake my head. James is now in front of me and Luna is singing in words I can’t quite understand.  I look around they are all here now and shadows are swirling around me. I hold my ears tighter and pull at my hair biting at my lip and my wrists to holding back screams.


Voices

they scream

they shout

they yell

I kick

I cry


but no one comes

to save me

no one

so I wait to die


in a padded cell

I write in blood on the walls

"play with me"

"play with me"

"play a bloody game"


I laugh

I scream

and watch the shadows

they look at me

they watch me

there eyes seem hollow


in a padded cell

I write on the walls

"sing with me

sing with me

sing a bloody song"


The nurses run in

I smile to them

"why so serious?"

"why do you scream?"


Look as they run

listen as they scream..

this is fun

I'm glad it's not a dream.


Jolting awake I realize that I am in a straight jacket and the room is white filled with white bright light. Squinting my eyes I hear the door on the far side open and see the doctor walk in. He smiles and nurses follow him in and pick me up. “Time to begin your treatment.” He states in a cold dull tone his brown eyes sending chills through me.  I am taken and strapped down to a table. I try to fight kicking and yelling but it doesn’t do any good. Next thing I know they are placing something rubber in my mouth and a metal helmet type object on my head. I squirm and whimper as electricity shoots through  me causing me to shake and my mouth to foam. I can feel my eyes rolling back as a scream echoes through my mind.

As this happens just before I black out a poem I wrote a year ago runs through my mind so quick it frightens me, and then I find it calming.


Give me a kiss

from your sweet black lips,

oh angel of death,

kiss me goodbye

and take me away

kiss me goodbye

with those sweet black lips,

carry me on ashen wings

off into darkness,

into the fires of hell

angel of death,

just simply give me a kiss...


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