In Dreams

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

I have been disabled for several years now. But once in a while I have a dream where I am still able to do the things I used to... like run.

I let my toes sink into the sand, and take a deep breath.

The salty sea breeze gently caresses my face, and small waves calmly splash against my ankles.

I open my eyes when I feel him take my hand in his. And I smile. The weather is perfect, and I rest my head on his shoulder.

“You sleepy?” he asks.

“Getting there. Kinda just want to go home now and wash off all this sand,” I say. Still smiling.

“Yeah, it is getting kind of late. Been here all day. Come on. I’ll race you to the car.”

With that, he lets go of my hand and starts running. No way am I going to let him beat me, so I follow. I run fast, jumping over a washed up log, attempting to catch up... when it hits me.

I stop dead in my tracks.

Noticing that I am no longer running, the young man I am madly in love with stops running, with a questioning look on his face.

“What is it Cristina?”

His brown eyes are filled with concern.

It is at this moment I realize I have no idea what his name is.

“This isn’t real.”

He gives me a confused look.

“What do you mean this isn’t real?” he says with a bit of a chuckle in his voice, realizing how ridiculous I sound.

“I can’t run.”

His face goes serious again.

“What happened? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I’m unable to run.”

He lifts his eyebrows and looks puzzled.

“What do you mean you can’t run? You were just doing it.” He’s becoming annoyed, because in his opinion I’m not making any sense.

I look down at my feet. There are no scars. No bumps.

More proof that none of this is real. I burst out crying.

My significant other, who’s name I don’t know, comes running to me.

He takes me in his arms.

“Oh come on Cristina. Don’t cry. Are you in pain baby? Did you step on something?”

“ No.” I say through sobs. “I just can’t run.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re just tired. Here, I’ll carry you back to the car,”

He lifts me up with little effort.

I wrap my arms tightly around him, never wanting to let go. I’m not ready to let go. I wipe my tears on his shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay Cristina. You’re just tired. We’ll get you home soon.”

 

 

With that I open my eyes only to realize I am already home, and I am no longer being carried by him anymore. I am lying in bed, and my face is soaked with my own tears.

I am completely alone.

I lie in bed for a long time, replaying the dream in my mind.

Who was the young man? I know I loved him. He was gorgeous.

But as time ticks by, the image of his face begins to fade.

What colour were his eyes? Brown was it?

 

 

The crying is out of my system, and I sigh, deciding to make my way to the washroom, and wash my tear stained face, before anyone sees me and asks questions.

I very slowly sit up, and my back cracks.

 

It is bearable.

 

I take a deep breath and stand up. The pain shoots through my left leg and I try not to yelp.

 

This is normal.

 

Okay... It’ll take 7 steps for me to make my way out of the corner of the kitchen where my bed stands, and into the bathroom.

I count every step.

This should have been sand not tears I’m washing off. I wash my face and look into the mirror.

 

Good enough.

 

I think about running on the beach, and laugh a little to myself.

I am physically unable to walk on sand, let alone run on it.

 

7 steps back to the bed where I will spend my day. My left ankle cracks. But only a few times.

I look out the window, and unto the road below. People are walking, and cars are passing by.

Maybe today someone will take me outside.

Wait... no. Everyone is busy today.

Maybe tomorrow? I haven’t been outside in weeks.

Maybe tomorrow.

I position myself in bed as comfortably as I can, to avoid the pain.

What a silly dream.

 

?


Submitted: July 09, 2015

© Copyright 2021 Criss Sole. All rights reserved.

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Comments

MBQ

I'd take you outside if i lived close but im in new zealand, but if you would like to facebook friend me i can share with you as i do with my other friends some of outside NZ beauty regularly i post these pictures because it is nature that reminds us that no matter how horrible and bad things get there is still beauty in life.

Thu, July 9th, 2015 11:46am

Author
Reply

I would love to have you as a facebook friend! :) Can you leave me your info and i can delete it so others won't see?

Thu, July 9th, 2015 4:56am

Whiskey Charlie

This is a very moving story, and, knowing your situation, it moves me even more. Not wanting to take anything away from your story, I still feel compelled to mention a friend of mine who had a bizarre genetic condition. She has no memory of running because, from birth, she has never been able to run. So, in an odd and comforting way, it makes me glad that you at least have memories. Best wishes, Criss.

Thu, July 9th, 2015 5:41pm

Author
Reply

In my dreams, I am never disabled. So it really sucks waking up a lot of the time. Thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment. It means a lot to me.

Fri, July 10th, 2015 3:15am

H. Adams

Just out of pure curiosity, is this a reoccurring dream? I love psychology and the idea of dreaming, so I wsa just wondering. This dream must've sucked... geez... getting pulled out of it was probably the worst part. I still think you're ever so strong for even being able to share your experiences with everyone, so keep up the good work and keep smiling! :) The story was brilliant, by the way.

Thu, July 9th, 2015 7:51pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much! No... not a reoccurring dream. Just one that had a big impact on me because it felt so real. Waking up to reality sucked. Thank you so much for reading my work. Truly means a lot to me.

Thu, July 9th, 2015 1:35pm

berktree

Wow, this was amazing. It was so lifelike and heartbreaking and just...your strength amazes me. Your writing does too, of course: excellent, really really excellent. Amazing descriptions and dialogue, and the ending? My heart broke. I'm so thankful that you are able to share your story with us, and I hope that the world learns your name because of your writing. Best wishes, Berkley.

Thu, July 9th, 2015 10:28pm

Author
Reply

Aww thank you so much for that lovely comment. It really meant a lot to me.

Fri, July 10th, 2015 11:22pm

Joel Twister

The poem was wonderfully beautiful , cause u can feel the emotions while reading.
I will run for you , i will just love to call more than hudred people just to run for you

Fri, July 10th, 2015 2:53pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much dear :)

Sat, July 11th, 2015 12:38am

AGB

:)

Mon, July 13th, 2015 4:18am

Author
Reply

Thank you.

Sun, July 12th, 2015 10:51pm

Maria Linda

I'm so glad to read a new entry from you finally Criss. I haven't been to Booksie for quite a long time now and I just drop by today because I got the email notification that you updated your Booksie work:)

As always, a pleasure to read your work.
I hope all is well with you.

Fri, July 24th, 2015 9:27am

Author
Reply

Things at the moment are not easy. My family and I had to move into a much smaller place, and money is always a huge issue. Always. There have been days when the fridge is empty and all I could eat was a handful of cereal for the day. My friend was kind enough to help me get my autobiography up on Amazon. I still need to sell about 6 more copies as of today to get my first paycheck. He also set up a fundraiser and 3 kind people have donated within a month. I do not know where I would be without those donations. I am struggling badly. All of the links are on my profile page, if you are at all interested. It would mean the world to me if you have it in your heart to help out or let your friends know about my autobiography. But in all honesty I am more touched that you remember me and have come by to read some more of my writing. Thank you so much Linda. I hope you are well.

Fri, July 24th, 2015 4:47am

Jeff Bezaire

When you started crying because you couldn't run and your dream hunk picked you up, I had tears in my eyes. This is a powerful poem with a great narrative. The descriptions are potent - I was standing next to you, watching the dream unfold as I read it, though I didn't have a clear image of your dream dude. (not complaining about that. :) ) Great poem. Congratulations on another beautiful piece.

Fri, July 24th, 2015 10:01pm

Author
Reply

Than you so much. I remember as I woke up from that dream it took me a while to realize where I actually was. But I wrote down what I had dreamed about right away. I did not want to forget it. It felt so real. I am never disabled in any of my dreams. This dream stood out a lot to me because it felt so real, and it left me crying. Thank you so much for your kindness and being able to sympathize with what I felt and the situation I am in. It truly means a lot to me.

Sat, July 25th, 2015 2:04am

kjforce

Criss...Welcome...I too lost the use of my legs 10 years ago. Dx : disease/disorder of unknown etiology... quote the dr's 22 months later.. I quit being a "Labrat" so I undertook my own case.
I can relate oh so well to your plight and felt your anguish...feel free to contact me..as I think we could benefit from sharing...as writing is my therapy.
look forward to hearing from you
kjforce

Sun, July 26th, 2015 4:02am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much! Yes I would love to have someone who can understand some of the things I am going through. Thank you for taking the time to read my work. I will leave my contact info on your page :)

Sun, July 26th, 2015 11:34pm

phantomhill

Wow. That was... powerful. I haven't read your novel yet--I fully intend to now--but even without knowing what lead up to this, it was incredible. Beautiful work, Criss.

Tue, August 11th, 2015 2:27pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much :) Your comment really means a lot to me.

Tue, August 11th, 2015 10:07am

B I Smith

This is such a moving story. You truly touched me and awoke emotions I didn't think I had. I truly plan to read your novel, sweetie, but now I have to say that your writing is superb. You really can get to people. The story was so sad. I sincerely hope you are doing fine :)

Thu, October 15th, 2015 6:54pm

Author
Reply

Sorry for the late reply. I have been battling a cold for a long time now. Thank you so much for such a sweet comment. You really gave me something to smile about.

Fri, October 16th, 2015 11:48pm

ismeralda ismerlad

You know how adam and eve felt when they tried living on earth after they tried heaven? I do, and i guess maybe you do too and I think we share this.. you said earlier that the accident happened to you in 2010.. is there any kind of treatment plan, or any improvement?

Tue, October 20th, 2015 4:19pm

Author
Reply

Unfortunately no. At first I attended rehab thinking without a doubt I will be back to normal but began to experience more and more pain with every movement. Finally doctors looked over things and told me it would be better that I avoid using my legs as much as possible. Maybe lift weights here and there. Every step I take wears down my bones. So five years later, I now spend my days in bed. We have spoken to many doctors. From different hospitals, clinics, countries. You name it. Every one of them ended up shaking their heads and saying my body will only get worse with time. Especially my legs. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my short story. I must also mention that this was no accident. A young man at the time attempted to kill me while I was visiting an old high school friend at her apartment. The accident was that I stayed alive and he was not successful.
You said you know how it feels, so I would absolutely love to hear your story. Thank you again.

Tue, October 20th, 2015 9:48am

Kossettes Novellettes

If only dreams could take the place of reality. I cried for you my dear.
XoXo
Kossette

Wed, October 28th, 2015 1:51pm

Author
Reply

Thank you Kossette. That means a lot.

Wed, October 28th, 2015 7:10am

Joe Kent Roberts

Hi Criss. Some Dreams can be so Dramatic and So Real. At times I wonder "where" did I ever see these people before last night? Christina is a very Beautiful name. You are Much Too Young to Remember these Dream Songs. 1958 Everly Brothers "All I have to do is Dream." and Roy Orbison who could sing seven octaves. "In Dreams." You can Download and Listen. Re: Getting Out and About. Just call any Large Church & they will be More than Happy to Pick you up at home & take you to Church. There will always be folks who will want to take you outside to stroll around the town for a while. My Pastor would always invite me to go along whenever he visited someone in the Hospital, or someone who was Home-bound or Stuck at Home.

Thu, November 12th, 2015 7:31am

Author
Reply

I have always been a huge fan of 60's music, or that time period in general. So I know the songs well :) We moved to a new place 3 years ago, so I do not have any friends here. Just my parents. I rarely get to go outside. But I hope in time things will change.

Sat, November 14th, 2015 1:01am

Joe Kent Roberts

Hi Criss. Please Call any Catholic Church, Methodist Church,or Lutheran etc. and they will be More Than Happy to Pick-You-Up and Take you to Church. There are "Always" Retirees & those who don't work outside the home who would be available to Take You Outside for some Sunshine & a Stroll.Don't be Afraid to Call a Christian. We don't have any Christian Terrorists. Nor are there Buddhist, or Hindu Terrorists.Use the Yellow Pages of the Phone Book.Pick up the Phone, Make a Few Calls & Things will Rapidly Change for the Better.

Sat, November 14th, 2015 9:32am

Author
Reply

I will look into that. Thank you. At the moment I have been busy fighting a cold. I hope you are well.

Fri, November 20th, 2015 11:20pm

jasjis

Beautifully written, the ending is really touching. thankx for uploading it here on booksie. I wish i would someday have a walk along the shores with you. jasjis

Mon, December 7th, 2015 5:52pm

Author
Reply

That is such a kind and sweet comment. Thank you.

Mon, December 7th, 2015 10:43pm

ShadowDenomy

Wow this was absolutely amazing.

Sun, December 20th, 2015 1:35am

Author
Reply

Thank you :)

Sun, December 27th, 2015 12:14am

elana 624

Ive been recording my dreams in my notebook. Last night I visited with the levins again. In real life they dropped me in 1996.......

Sun, October 23rd, 2016 5:43am

Author
Reply

:) I started writing a journal when I was 13

Fri, November 25th, 2016 4:46am

fish man

Hi, Criss compelling story. I can not imagine being in your situation however I had a short term injury that left me on my back with a small machine hooked up to my knee to keep it in motion slow motion. I spent eight hours a day for two weeks on the machine, another four weeks in physical theropy, another three weeks on crutches. I was down nine weeks that was in 2007. My knee will never be right again it's a constant snare in the flesh I am mobile. Your story touched me at many different levels you are a good writer and able to use your life experience to help others. I to survived attempted murder I would like to invite you to read Late August 1979 I have not finished posting the whole thing yet. I am sorry for your misfortune; please keep writing for yourself and the rest of us. Thank you, Criss.

FISH MAN

Wed, November 9th, 2016 12:44pm

Author
Reply

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story, and to understand how hard things may be for me. I am going through a lot of doctor appointments at the moment, but will try to read your work when I can. Thank you again and I wish you the best.

Thu, November 10th, 2016 12:05am

Ascetic

Well then, the use of a dream was very well done as was the dialogue, bringing about a certain... lucidity. The way that you described the pain was exemplary, very well done.

Sat, April 8th, 2017 6:30pm

Author
Reply

Sadly I have dreams like this very often. I am always running or going places. When in reality I am in bed for months at a time and running is only a memory. Some days I wake up with a smile and some days I want to cry because I know my body is disabled and I will never be able to do anything like that again. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story and leave a comment. It is morning and I am just waking up. Today you gave me a reason to smile :)

Sat, April 8th, 2017 11:04pm

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