Crumpled Up Pieces

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Hypophrenia: A feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause

The evening air prickled my already cold skin. The weight on my shoulder pulled me down as memories flashed through me. Me riding my bicycle with Xavier, my 5th birthday, the first day of school, meeting my friends, holiday in Hawaii, playing outside, and the worst one… mum, dad and Xavier’s death. Their empty promises of having a movie marathon. Their kind, faces telling me they’ll be back soon. How their smiles were hinted with sadness of not being able to take me with them. How nervous the calm, collective Xavier was. How when I wished him good luck, his smile became slightly strained probably thinking of all the things that could go wrong. 
NO! Don’t think of it. 
Too late, a single droplet of water trailed down my cheek and fell on my clenched hands. I sighed wiping away at my face. My eyes fell on a white piece of paper that held so many words. My letter to Emily. Oh Em, my best friend who gave me hope for so long. Who with Corrine made it their mission to cheer me up every single day. “A laugh a day keeps the bad vibes away” they used to say. But I was the lost cause that only brought them disappointment in the end. The smile that had made its way onto my face slipped into a frown. 
Night stretched on with her icy fingers, over the horizon her army of stars by her side. I had worn my lilac summer dress, the one with a patterned lace and thin straps. It seemed to have proven itself a bad idea now as the crisp winter nipped at my bare skin without any mercy. 
Standing up, my feet pressed against the hard tiles of the roof. My auburn hair blew in the wind while the air gently caressed my face.  In the distance, I saw what appeared to be a young girl and boy, their faces smudges of colour from this far up. The boy chased the girl as she screamed “STOP!” between laughter but of course he didn’t, and continued in pursuit of her. They reminded me so much of Xavier and myself that I felt myself getting choked with tears. We were almost the same in our innocent years living life to the fullest, with not a care in the world and nothing to stop us.
The girl came to a halt upon seeing me, and even from up here I could see her stricken expression as she saw an older girl standing uncomfortably close to the edge of the roof watching her. The boy, upon seeing me too stopped and stared at me. I raised my hand and my fingers curled into a wave. They waved back and grinned at me. Then they continued chasing each other and I watched until they disappeared into the distance, leaving me smiling softly in their direction. I caught sight of the moon that shone in the sky signaling that it was time.
Walking a bit closer to the edge, I looked out into the horizon “Thank you for everything” I whispered to no one in particular and with that I took a small step out into the air. Then I was free falling, into the arms of my mother, my father and Xavier. The world, strokes of colour spinning around and around, the hue’s swirling together making some sort of dark artwork. I felt like a bird free, wild and happy as I fell, holding the letter tightly to my chest. A blinding white light shone in my eyes and everything around me faded softly as my heart slowed down, and my blood stopped flowing through my veins. I thought of a poem I had heard a long time ago and it replayed in my head as my life flickered away;
‘She paints a pretty picture
But the story has a twist
You see… her paintbrush is a razor,
And her canvas is her wrist
She paints a pretty picture
In a colour that’s blood red
While using her sharp paintbrush,
She ends up finally dead
Her pretty pictures fading
Quite slowly on her arm
The blood is not racing through her,
She can no longer do harm
She painted a pretty picture 
But the picture has a twist
You see her mind was the razor
And her heart was just her wrist.’
Finally, My eyes slowly glazed over and, I let death claim me.

Submitted: November 05, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Cutewriter. All rights reserved.

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