Open Lands
Beside the wide shallow river the trees bent forward, brooding at the water as it wondered in its track, at the edge sluggish as though reluctant to leave that quiet shady place, but in the middle of the stream the water ran swift and strong over the stony bed, chattering with the soft wind that sighed in the verdant branches above. Reeds rustled at the edge between the gnarled tree trunks and below the thick roots that spread and drove into the deep soft earth. North of the river rose an earth bank and at the top of this towered a rocky crag, dark and hard in that soft expansive landscape, but not intrusive, for it formed a shield for that place from the colder winds and harsher weathers. To the south the land opened into a vast plain of tall grasses, lush in the summer warmth after the rains, seed heads trembling on every blade and rattling softly as the wind brushed their tips against one another. A wide bar of warmth fell between the two lines of branches and moved playfully on the water, teasing the reflections and shadows until it was impossible to say which were which. Finer beams fell through the leafy canopy near the banks and danced on the water below as though enticing it to move even less swiftly and linger to enjoy the peace of the shady bank beneath the shelter of that great rocky mass with all its odd shapes and patient steadiness, unchanging.
All was peace. All was still. The lap of the slow water on something wooden being the only slightly sharper sound in the listlessly moving air, but even this was rhythmic and soothing, familiar, particularly to the ears of the sleeper who lay between the bowls of two large willows on the southern bank. Dark hair fell round a gentle looking face, darkened by many years under the hot sun and weathered by the wind and rain. A deep brown shirt, loos at the neck and a heavy grey green cloak thrown over from the waist down, one sandaled foot showing. One arm was bent and the long fingers were closed about a silver clasp on the neck of the cloak. The other arm was thrown wide, the shirt sleeve pulled up to the elbow, revealing a new scar, pale on the tanned skin of the forearm. Beside the sleeper lay a brown sack with a rope bound round its mouth, its contents shapeless and indecipherable. Below, at the edge of the river and tied to a sapling that grew there was a kind of boat, dug out from a log, with a pointed low prow and stern, its rounded hull rocking as the water slapped at its side. The long paddle was lying in the bottom of the boat with a coil of rope beside it. In the branches above, a large bird unfurled its wings and effortlessly glided away over the rock. Below a breeze rose and tussled the rippling water. A loose leaf fluttered in the breeze for a moment before falling onto the prow of the primitive vessel, and again all was still.
Submitted: September 18, 2012
© Copyright 2023 Cwester. All rights reserved.
Comments
Very descriptive and interesting!
Tue, December 11th, 2012 2:30amHey there^^, It sounds like you are describing a painting, a very beautiful one that is. Your description is done very well, but you are missing a lot of paragraphs. Sometimes they are too long and then I tend to get lost in all the detail. Other than that, great job as always^^
Thu, February 20th, 2014 10:21am
Author
Reply
Thank you for reading and commenting. I've not really even looked at this one since putting it up on booksie. I'm glad the description came across well to you. It was inspired by reading John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men, where I found the descriptions stunning. I will remember about paragraphs in my writing, and if I ever come back to this, I will look again at them. Thanks again.
Thu, February 20th, 2014 9:08amI felt like I was in that place when I read it..I could almost hear the leaves rustling and the river making the swoosh sound..which means your a BRILLIANT writer!!! I loved your descriptions and your details..they were just spot on AMAZING! Is this the prologue? I wish I could write such detailed stuff when it comes to nature. I thought I was watching a movie. Loved it!!! A like from me. And I think you should continue this as a novel and when you do..Keep Me Updated!
Sun, March 9th, 2014 8:32amIt's not only a brilliant description, but it feels as if something threatening is hanging in the air... You read it and feel... like watching the beginning of a movie when music stops and there is a silence and you stop breathing expecting something terrible is going to happen.
Sun, May 18th, 2014 1:37pmFacebook Comments
More Other Short Stories
Discover New Books
Boosted Content from Premium Members
Book / Flash Fiction
Book / Fantasy
Short Story / Humor
Other Content by Cwester
Book / Action and Adventure
Short Story / Other
Archia
I think you should continue with this, it's the perfect opener. I already want to know more about this boy, so much more about him. At first, when I just had a quick ski, I thought that there was going to be too much description in the first paragraph, but there's not. It all sets the scene so vividly and the feel of it to; it doesn't seem excessive or anything like that. So, I think you should make this into a novel; you've got it planned, it's not like you're totally lost with this. I loved it.
Thu, September 27th, 2012 9:31amAuthor
Reply
Thank you. I do feel a little lost on how to write the next paragraph, but I'm sure I'll work it out eventually and then I'll continue properly. I'm glad that the description was not too much and set the sceene as I hoped it would.
Tue, October 9th, 2012 8:09am