Damn Bitches What's Up?!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
this is a memoir of whatever in the hell it wants to be a memoir of.

Submitted: June 20, 2012

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Submitted: June 20, 2012

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4/16/1995

Yesterday i was out sailing at sea, and the waves came out and started beating my ship, i look over the side of my trust ship and i said "HEY! HEY! YO-ASS BETTER NOT BE FUCKIN UP MY DAMN SHIP! CUZ I WILL CLIMB OUTTA HERE AND BEAT YO SILLY ASS!" it turned out the next morning that my ship was the couch and the waves were my wife. the kids weren't talking to either of us, they were tired of our tomfoolery and decided to go out and begin thier lives as whores. i said NO! and they streightened up, they know the belt. and they whoopin stick if they wanna tango theyre gonna have to learn to rango cause i'm not putting up with that shit! no one is. and my wife she's one hot peice i tell ya what. i go out sailing and never come back! MHM yessum i swear i'll sail the night away over here. oh but those neighbors dogs no, hell-o to the NO the start crappin' in my yard and i gotta be all like yo!  yo! common dude! what if i came over to your house and crapped in your food? would that taste like CANDAAAAY?! the dogs normally begin to cry and walk off the property. after that nonsense I began to watch some tv, nothing of proper substance was on so I tried to take a nap. I tried to sleep for nearly a minute when I realized I left the oven on, this, normally, isn't a problem. I use the oven to warm my children, today however, I was just trying to raise my electric bill. Conservation is for the weak! The hour came when it was time to raise my arm in order to keep the fire alive! Those animals weren't going to burn themselves! After the animals were cleansed and the oven was turned back on, I took a bath, I lit 7 sented candles to set my mood, there would of been 8 but I dropped it in the tub. After which I began to cry to my kids about how much I wished they didn't exist, and how much more the electric bill could be had they never been born. then the wife got on me! blah blah blah you cant tell me how much time IIIIIII get to spend washing MYYYYY car we all see how much tim you spend WAAASHING your goddamn butt hairs! so step off!! STEP OFF!! being the gentleman that i am i said you know what fine you go clean yo car til the damn fishies aint got nothing left for they cars and then i divorced her! i took EVERYTHING except the kids!! and boy i tell you my electric and heating bills have NEVER been higher! woooooo yeah! i could grill 13 members of the NBA and still have room for the couch! yeah boyyyyyyyyy! word word word!

 

- Blue Ranger


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