Love for Me

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just my thoughts tonight

Submitted: July 15, 2014

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Submitted: July 15, 2014

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To not have that person you want...that person you dream of almost every night...the one who brings the weird feelings to your stomach and makes you nervous as fuck...to know they're forbidden...to have hopes that one day they won't be...to fear that the feelings aren't mutual...to know the feelings aren't mutual...to hope the feelings are mutual...to keep fantasizing about making your dreams come true...to make every move possible in order to see that person...to not being able to see that person...to have to distance yourself for the good of others...the good of family...the protection of morality...to want to scream in their face the way you feel...and of course fear that if you do, you'll be stared down and perceived as crazy and delusional...to have made a move...and haven't received the response expected...because it's simply stupid...your fairy-tale beliefs...simply stupid...maybe...maybe not...to hope to fall asleep soon in order to dream one of them dreams you love...to hope to dream one of them dreams...if not, what was the point of your night?...no dream?...what was the point then?...might as well stay awake and keep day dreaming...and your hands tied...because there is nothing you could do...there is...but, you shouldn't...you shouldn't do anything at all...there's too much at risk...too much...family...hearts...morals...sanity...just stay away...you should just stay away...temptation is too big...then again...if things are one sided, temptations aren't even a possibility...which, you don't want to believe...because he's yours...from the beginning...yet, here you are...trapped…feeling this...he was stolen from right in front of you...or not...stolen only if he felt/feels the same...what if he did?...what made it go away?...time?...i don't know...no one knows...only he knows...he knows...and I can't ask...I won't dare to ask...or maybe I should...of course I shouldn't...and I won't...there'd be too much to risk...but the pain...it's intense...maybe it's an obsession...not being wanted...it does shit to your head...makes you obsessed...makes you wonder why you aren't wanted...makes you want to know the reasons...makes you feel inferior...because to you, they're superior...which, they're really not...he's more of a stupid little pussy brat, if you ask me...but, what if not?...what if he's what I need?...how much longer?...how much more of this stupid feeling?...stupid heart…stupid wishes…stupid desires…lust…lots of lust…that’s what this is…lust…but, what if not?...what if…just, what if…we’re meant to be together?...what should I do?...What should I say?...I shouldn’t say anything...I shouldn’t say shit...There’s too much at risk...But, I can’t help it...I’ve done this before, you know…This thing…where I fall for the wrong guy…I’ve done it before…this time is different though…I’m older...more mature…the feeling is stronger…I want for different reasons…I want in the real way things are wanted now…not the me back then…that was childish me…this is different…I think…if not, it still hurts…so, it’s whatever…I guess pain knows no age or boundaries…time is my only friend…and my enemy as well…my biggest enemy…it’ll take a while…to forget…to move on…it’ll take a long time…I know it…I fucking know it…and I hate knowing it…because people and events can only entertain your thoughts for so long…once you’re alone and in your head, you’ll see how the feelings return…how things feel the same…how it’s like nothing ever changed…until someday…that day when you forget…the day when you can finally move on…it seems super far…and it probably is….but, I made it before and I’m sure I can survive again…right?...I mean, why not?...I’m still me, right?...A stronger me, actually…with stronger feelings though…more determined…to make mistakes…to do what makes me happy…cause fuck morals, and family, and embarrassment, right?...maybe not…I don’t know…whatever


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