My Best Friend's Diary

December 1, 2012 

10:20 PM 

This is my first time writing in a diary. I don't know whats gotten into my mind why I suddenly think of doing this activity. But however, This diary has been given to me by my best friend so I don't want it to be putted into waste, and this is important to me since its a gift......from my best friend XD. Shes friendly, trustworthy, and I think the sweetest and most caring best friend in the whole world :') Shes one of those who frequently visit me here besides my mom. My dad can only visit me here once in a month but I understand because he had to go to work. 

I'm sick and tired of laying in this hospital for almost four months already but every time my mom, dad, some of my cousins, some of my classmates before and my best friend come and visit me here, all i feel was happiness and at the same time makes me feel I'm not in this hospital. 

Well I guess thats my first entry here in this diary for now, I need to sleep early cause thats what my doctor told me (*sigh) 

Good Night

 

 

 

December 2, 2012 

7:00 AM

I don't know why I woke up this early today where in most of the time I woke up late. I want to sleep again but I cant. Well nothing to do so I just grabbed the book beside me where in it was also given to me by my best friend. Well I'll be reading now. '_'

 

 

 

December 2, 2012 

7:30 AM

I stopped reading for a while since I was kinda bored already. After that I just enjoyed the view that can be seen at the window near beside me. I was kinda jealous seeing those children there below playing at the garden of the hospital. They seem so happy that they

 

 

 

December 2, 2012 

10:20PM

I haven't continued my entry a while ago since, while I was writing on that time, someone knocked at the door of my room so I immediately stopped writing, then its my mom. (cause its embarrassing if she will see me writing a diary that she might secretly read it at night if I'll be asleep -_-')

But now shes already asleep beside my bed. 

I'm so lucky that shes my mother. Shes the most patient, loving, and most caring mother in the whole world for me.

But sometimes I really feel bad for her and to my dad because of my self. I cant even help them, and all I was giving them was problems and lots of hospital bills to worry about.

Sometimes I just think that it would be better if I would just die of my sickness so they wont be spending lots of money for my hospitalization anyways all I was giving them are problems. 

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December 10, 2012 

9:15 AM

I was writing in this diary right now with my mom in the room. Well shes reading something so I just secretly write at the same time also XD 

But it feels uncomfortable -_-"

Well I just noticed that my best friend haven't visited me for 10 days. I really miss her already >_>'

I miss how she greets me and talks with me every time shes here where in sometimes shes like: 

"Yow!!" 

"Hey there cutie!!" 

"I miss you!!!" 

"Hows my handsome best friend already?"

And others..... 

Shes really fun to be with (well I'm not saying its fun to be with her because she calls me handsome, cutie, etc.<where in for me its not true >_>"> but its fun to be with her because shes friendly and literally fun!) 

Well i guess thats all for now

 

 

 

December 12, 2012 

9:30 PM 

Mom is asleep already..........I can write comfortably and properly now XD

 

I was so happy this morning because my best friend come and visited me. And she even hugged me immediately and tightly just when she just entered the room >\\\\\\<' 

Well yeah I was kinda surprised since she even cried a little on that time >_<'

She keeps on saying "I'm really sorry!" "I missed you a lot already" while hugging me. Well I just said its ok to at least comfort her. (But I really understand cause there might be something that really makes her busy in school on those times.)

Then after that we just look and smiled at each other :')

She stayed in my room for hours and keeps on telling me lots of stories that happened to her in their school. 

We were just so happy.

And on the time where she will leave 
already, she hugged me again and say goodbye before leaving the room.

........

When she leave the room already, seems like everything get back to normal. Where it became silent inside the room again. I suddenly feel nostalgic on that time. 

Why is it that whenever theres happiness, a feeling of sadness will just suddenly come and follow?

 

But however on that time I just ignored that feeling and just thanked God for giving me such a wonderful best friend :)

 

 

 

December 13, 2012 

10:30 PM 

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling something weird I don't know what it was but the feeling was like first time to me. '_'

 

 

 

December 14, 2012 

9:45 PM 

This day my best friend visited me again. But this time something weird happened -_-"

I don't know why but I can't speak straight to her on that time and I can't even look at her straight to the eye...

And because of that she keeps on asking me if do I have any problems 

or anything I'm thinking about of but I cant think of anything, its just that I just suddenly feel nervous with her today. (And I don't know why -_-")

And the worst part is 

"Oh my!!! Your blushing!!!" 

Thats what she told me -_-" 

(Where in its kinda embarassing)

Well I'll be sleeping now

 

 

 

December 15, 2012 

8:50 PM 

My dad came and visited me today. It was just a short encounter with my dad cause he needs to go to work immediately to on that time. 

Well he visited me today to greet me in advance cause It'll be my b-day already on 20. 

He told me that he might not come on my b-day because of work thats why he leave his work today just to come here and visit me and greet me in advance. 

I appreciated what he had done cause at least even though he's lacking in time, he still finds time to come and visit me here. 

We talked with each other on that time and he keeps on consulting me. He also told me some things....

"Fight it back and don't give up!! Thats life son, thats life. Sometimes life will be hard, it will be difficult. If it challenges you and you give up, then you loose. But if you struggle with it and fight it back, then life will reward you."

Thats what my dad had told me before leaving the room.

I was happy on that morning since it was that time again where I had given the chance to talk with my dad.

 

Well time to sleep now....

 

 

 

December 16, 2012 

9:45 PM 

My friend visited me again this morning... 

And this time.....it gets more awkward -_-" because she asks me questions which is kinda hard for me to answer (cause its embarrassing >_<') and questions which makes me think -_-'......

I don't know why is she suddenly asking me about my....love life -///-' 

.....

 

Her: Get well already!!! >_< (yeah her face is really like ">_<" on that time)

Me: .... 

Her: How can you serenade a girl if your always here?!!! 

Me: ehhh??? 

Her: *sighs ..... Oh speaking of it,,, do you like someone already Dylan? 

Me: Huh??!! W-why are you asking me that??! 

Her: Oh my your blushing already!!!! sorry hahaha!!.. But your cuter when your blushing hehehe :') 

Me: ...... (I cant look at her anymore on that time -_-') 

Her: oh well I'll be going for now I'll just come back another time ok..... 

Me: Oh ok,,,, Thanks for visiting today :)

 

After that she hugged me and leave the room... ( I know... She's too sweet -///-)

 

Well thats it -_-'

 

December 17, 2012 

10:30 PM 

This morning something I don't know happened again -_-"

Now its my mom who questioned me again about my.... Like what my best friend asked me -_-" 

.........

Mom: I heard your conversation with your girl friend last time *teasing smile

Me: girlfriend???!!! 

Mom: Oh I mean best friend hohoho *teasing smile

Me: (*I'm not sure but I can feel my eyes twitching on that time already -_-')

Mom: Oh my hahaha sorry if I heard your conversation outside the room cause I'm actually listening to it hahaha XD (Yeah her face really looks like "XD" on that time >_<)

Me: Mom!!!

Mom: hahahha....Oh ok I'll stop now hohoho *teasing smile

Me: ........

Mom: Oh by the way my son, do you like someone already? *smiles

Me: Ehh??!! Why are you asking me that to??!! 

Mom: hahaha well is it wrong if a mother is just curious if her only son likes someone already? 

Me: *I cant look at mom on that time anymore -_-'

Mom: hahaha what she said is true!! Your cuter when your blushing hahaha!!!

Me: Eh??!! (*Im really embarrassed on that time already -_-')

Mom: Oh my seems like I'm stressing my son.... Ok I will really stop talking now hahaha!!!

 

My mom is teasing me -_-" 

But at least I saw her very happy on that time :)

 

Good night!!

 

 

 

December 18, 2012 

9:50 PM 

When I woke up this morning I was feeling the strange feeling again which I had also felt last time.

And the question which my mom and my best friend asked me on the previous days ( which was: Do you like someone already?..... -_-" *I can feel my eyes twitching while writing this -_-') suddenly pops up to my mind also on that morning.

And as I remember that, I also remembered the person who comes first into my mind while they were asking that to me....... 

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It was my best friend 

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I felt my chest on that morning and its beating weirdly -_-' 

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But on that morning it was also the time where I realized that....... I already like my best friend.

 

 

 

December 19, 2012 

10:00 PM 

My best friend didn't come and visit me today (where in I was just expecting her to come today).

I was feeling like she had just read what I had wrote in this diary yesterday -_-'

Well I guess maybe shes just busy today that's why she didn't come

But on this day I have tried reflecting on some things... 

I thought of why If I would tell her? 

Will she like me in return? 

She might reject me -_-'

But well I guess she will not like me. If I look in my condition.... "who would like a guy like me?" Someone who seems hopeless, who looks weak and others. 

Well maybe she can only give me the like of a best friend.... 

And maybe I will only destroy our friendship If I tell her. She might avoid me. (Which is one of the worst thing to happen).

 

Id never thought that this feeling will be the feeling that will make me realize lots of things...

I thought having a crush on someone will make you feel happy, it will make you feel inspired because thats what my best friend told me before. 

that when I will be having a crush, those are the feelings that I will feel. She told me those before when I was not in this hospital yet...... 

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"I don't have one yet"

"What?! I don't believe you!!"

"Ehh? But I'm telling you the truth."

"*sigh well maybe yeah your telling the truth since I cant see some signs to you yet hahaha!"

"Signs?"

"Well you know what Dylan? When you'll be having a crush on someone 
someday, remember this. You will be feeling happy, It will make your plain life to something extraordinary!!!!! because having a crush on someone is like the first step in falling in love. 

And there is no such thing as love at first sight!!! Because love can only be developed with deep realization. Thats why most people are having difficulties in determining weather they are in love already or maybe just having a crush on someone. 

Well thats only according to me hahahah!!!"

"You seemed like you have lots of experience on these things... Why? do you like someone already?"

"H-huh??!!"

"(*well shes blushing on that time which makes her look cute also) hahaha!!!!"

"Your embarrassing me!!!"

 

.......

 

I guess maybe her views only depends on the situation.

 

......

 

 

I miss those days already...

 

 

 

December 20, 2012 

10: 15 PM 

Today was kinda like one of the happiest happenings in my life.

My mom, my classmates before, my cousins, my best friend and even my dad came to celebrate my birthday.

I was kinda surprised since I'd never expected that there would be a lot of people who would come and celebrate my birthday here in this hospital. And I was even more surprised when I saw my dad, where in he told me that he might not come on my birthday.

I asked him on how did he managed to come and he just told me that he talked to his boss.

Everyone brought gifts also... Some are food and some are in wraps.

 

On the end of the day, I just thank God for letting me experience this. 

I was just so happy on this day! That I don't know how to express it.

 

Well thats all for now..Good Night!! 

XD

 

 

 

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December 21, 2012 

7:30 PM

Something not good happened on this day....

When I just woke up this morning I just feel weak, really weak that it would be difficult for me to seat on my own. Even my head hurts on this day (The whole day even until now).

Well my mom just became so worried on me.( Where in I don't like to see her worrying a lot). So I just told her not to worry and told her I'll be okay so that at least maybe that will lessen her worry.

 

My mom called my doctor on that day. And after that the doctor just instructed some of the nurses to just raise the half part of my bed a little so It wont be difficult for me to seat weather I would like to seat.

And after that my doctor just smiled at me and goes out of the room, and as she goes out of the room, she also called my mom outside.

When my mom returned to my room, I saw her face not in a good mood. I asked her if what did the doctor told her but she just smiled at me and told me that everything's alright..

 

 

 

December 22, 2012 

8:50 PM

This day was even worst than yesterday...

When I woke up this morning I was still feeling weak, but even weaker than yesterday that I can't even raise my upper body anymore. I cant even seat even if I want to.

My best friend came and visited me on this day also. As she enters the room, shes so cheerful and full of energy. At first, I tried my best to pretend that everything is ok so I wont make her worry (cause I know that if she knows I'm having this weakness, she would surely worry) but at the end she noticed that it seems like I was laying since she entered the room. She told me to seat, and there, she saw me that I cant raise my upper body....

Her face suddenly turned sad. And she was so worried on that time that she didn't even go to school anymore. I told her to go but she doesn't want to. She told me that she will be taking care of me the whole day.

What my best friend told me kinda makes me happy but I don't want her also to sacrifice her studies because of me.

She stayed in the room with my mom. 

(But actually I don't want her to see me in this condition but I cant do anything) 

She was also the one who assists me in eating. Shes the one who had feed me this morning, this day's lunch and on this day's dinner.

Its embarrassing to her since she was even the one who blows my food for me already.

Even if I don't have enough appetite, I still forcefully eat because it was my best friend whose feeding me >_>'

And after she leave me on this day, she asked me if I still need something, then I just told her to call for the nurses to raise the upper part of my bed higher ( So that I will be able to write in this diary). But then she didn't call the nurses instead shes the one who adjusted my bed with my mom.

I told her that what shes doing for me is too much already but she told me that everything shes doing for me is nothing and she also told me that its normal for best friends to care for each other. 

I was touched with what she told me that I haven't even controlled my self anymore to hold her hands..

I was about to confess to her already on that time but then when she asked me "why?" I just suddenly feel so nervous that I cant talk anymore and I also suddenly thought that maybe its not yet the right time. So I just thanked her for everything that she had done on this day. Then she just smiled at me and hugged me. I also hugged her tightly because I don't know If I will still be waking up tomorrow or not anymore. On that time it seems like my body feels so tired and weak already.

I can feel tears coming out from my eyes on that time and it was my best friend also who had wiped those tears for me. 

.......

"Don't give up!!.... Everything will soon be fine, it might not be on these days, but eventually."

 

Thats what my best friend had told me before leaving the room.

After she leave the room, I also called my mom to go near me and hug me. I also hugged my mom tightly on that time. 

I also want to see my dad, my cousins and some of my close classmates before. I just want to see all of them on this day but I cant.. 

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Well I don't know why but I just feel like my time is already short thats why I'm already writing a lot in this diary. 

 

 

........

 

 

To my mom and dad, 

Mom dad I'm really sorry because it seems like I cant fight my sickness anymore. I'm sorry also if ever all I was giving both of you are just only problems and things to think of. I'm really sorry.

Mom dad I also want to tell both of you, thank you very much for everything. Thank you for all of the sacrifices that you were doing for me. And I'm sorry again if ever I can't repay all of those.

Mom dad, I love you both so much....

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To my best friend, 

I'm sorry but it seems like my body is really weak already, even if I still want to continue the struggle seems like my body is already giving up. Thank you for being a really good best friend to me. I really want to thank you for everything that you have done for me. Thank you for all of the inspirations thank you for everything.

But you know what? Even if you only treated me as your best friend... 

I just wanted to tell you that I already liked you. And what you told me before was right, I just realized it. Because when I started having a crush on you, at first it doesn't feel good its depressing, but then as days pass by, I suddenly feel happy, you turned my plain life here in this hospital to something extraordinary. And this time, with deep realization, I realized that its not just " crush " anymore but I realized that its already love. I already love you Jean. I hope I can say this to you in person, how I wish.

I hope you will also like me in return If ever I can still say this to you in person. 

I love you so much..... 

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December 31, 2012 

It was my first time writing in this diary. Well I guess maybe this will be my first and last time to write in here. Since this is not mine. 

 

........

 

I'm in the park right now seating on a bench alone. 

I really love this park, it has lots of flowers to offer you and also lots of memories too.

This is the park where I first met my best friend, I guess I was still in 1st year high school on those days. 

I was crying and seating alone on the same bench where I'm seating right now on that time. 

I was crying because we just moved from our place on that day and my parents enrolled me to a new school where I don't know anyone else. I was separated from my friends and I really miss them. In my new school, there is no one I'm talking to and no one approaches me either. 

Then one day i decided to go to the park where i used to walk by going to our new house. The park was so silent and beautiful. And it really captured my attention. (And the park that I'm mentioning now is the park where I am seating right now).

As I seat on a bench on that time, I just suddenly feel melancholic that I almost cried. And as I was crying, there was this boy who suddenly come and confronted me. He was like on my age and he was also wearing the uniform of the school where I'm enrolled in..

"H-hey are you ok?"

"Huh? w-who are you?"

"U-uh w-well as you can see I'm just a stranger to you but I'm one of your classmates."

"R-really?"

"Y-yeah....oh by the way I'm Dylan."

"I-I'm Jean"

"Oh nice to meet you Jean.... By the way why are you seating and crying here alone by yourself?"

"Huh? A-are you stalking me?!"

"W-what??!! No No.... Please don't get the wrong idea... My way home was also the same as yours and as I was walking on my way I saw you here and it seems like your crying. And I also noticed that your one of my classmates. So I guess theres nothing wrong with classmates helping each other right?"

"S-sorry"

"I-its ok...by the way can you tell me whats wrong?"

 

"(*On that time because of what he said, it even made me cry more because it was the first time that someone had talked with me in that place besides my parents)."

"Eh??!! I-I'm sorry did I say something wrong?"

"Huh? No no...I'm sorry I was just touched by your actions... Well actually, me and my family just moved in this place and I was separated from my friends in my old school. I just missed them a lot and I don't have any friends in here."

"Oh is that so?....well we can be friends if its ok for you."

"Really?!"

"Yeah sure why not?"

"Yes!!! Lets be friends!!!"

 

 

 

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And since on that day we became friends with each other. And as days pass by we already treated each other as best friends. 

We are so close with each other on those times. That even some of our classmates and teachers even mistakes us as couples. 

But well on those days it was also then that I realized that I already liked my best friend. But I keep it as a secret from him since I'm not ready to tell him yet.

We both graduated on the same school and we both graduated also with academic awards.

But then there was this tragic happening where in one month after the graduation, Dylan was discovered to be suffering from a leukemia. It was in a bad state already when they discovered it.

 

Just when were about to enter college, he was confined in a private hospital which was also near at the college where we two should supposed to study. 

Dylan haven't entered college because of his sickness. It was hard for me on that time to see him suffering in that condition. 

But I have no choice but to enter the college alone without him.

Every day, when I have time, I go and visit Dylan in the hospital. But there are also times where in I cant visit him because of hectic schedules.

Every time I visit him, It was difficult for me to see him in his room, but I still try to pretend strong and smile every time I visit him so I wont let him worry. 

As days pass by, Dylan's sickness is getting worst. It was really difficult for me to see him suffering but I just cant do anything. 

Until the day came where his body can't fight the sickness anymore.

Dylan, my best friend died on 23 of this month. It was really painful for me and of course to his other love ones to. He died at a young age, he was still seventeen and he had also just turned seventeen this month.

I really can't stop crying on that day. Well its my best friend who died I cant help it. 

I cant move on from the happening especially when I had found this diary 

which was hidden under his pillow when I was helping his mom pack their things. I gave it to his mom first and after his mom read the whole diary, she gave it to me and she told me that there was also a message here in this diary that he had written for me. I also read the message immediately on that time, and as I finished reading the whole message, I even cried more because, the contents of this diary told me that the person that I liked also like me to..

 

This diary was given to me by his mother. She gave it to me. I asked her if its really ok for her to give this diary to me then she said yes. She told me that shes giving this diary to me as a remembrance from her son. And she also told me that she knew that I was his son's best friend and she also want to give me something which can let me commemorate him. 

I accepted this diary from his mother on December 25, 2012.

That was the first time where I had celebrated christmas without Dylan since we became friends with each other.

 

I really missed him already. 

 

To my best friend Dylan,

Wherever you are right now I hope your happy there already. Thanks for becoming a really good best friend to me when your still here by my side. Thanks for always protecting and caring for me when your still alive and not yet suffering from your sickness before. 

And also on the day that we first met with each other in this park, thank you for comforting me on that time. 

Thank you very much for everything. 

And you know what Dylan? I also love you. I really liked you so much. 

But its just sad since we cant tell each other about this in person already. 

I hope you'll be reading this right now. May you rest in peace now best friend and I just want to tell you again that I love you and I really miss you so much already.

 

Your best friend, 

-Jean

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