real love, nothing madonna has ever experienced

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
heart felt

Submitted: May 23, 2008

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Submitted: May 23, 2008

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When your sick to your stomach laying in your bed, your eyes burning with tears, knowing in your heart that your life will never be perfect again. On the edge of throwing up, and waking up the next morning just as sick as you were the night before, and the nights before that. Not being able to sleep because you can’t relax your mind with all the debris of the heartache flying around and smashing into each other like uncontrollable emotions stuck in a jail cell. Knowing that she was the one, and knowing that you will never have her back, and not sure that you would want her if you could. Scared of being alone, but not wanting to be close to anyone ever again. Petrified of ever reliving this feeling because you do not know if you could survive it for a second time. Asking yourself “why” every single night for months. Wondering what is so wrong with you, and wondering why the love you feel burning inside you isn’t burning the same way in them. Trying not to break down whenever you pass them or see them in public. Drinking just to keep from thinking of them every night. Still just as in love as the day you met, even though you’ve been apart for over six months. Knowing your life will never be what you wanted and knowing you will never be truly happy. Drinking just to forget, and calling to hear their voice just to remember. Feeling warm and cold at the same time whenever you see them. Wanting to see them, but come so close to cracking when you do, you can’t remember why you do it to yourself. Laying with them on your couch for old times sake but knowing they will never be yours to hold again. You might get a hug, but knowing you will never get a hug like you used to get. When you look into their eyes, it’s not the same as when you would get lost in them. Her smile can still make you crumble, but it’s more painful these days. Her voice will still make your heart do a flip, but lately the heart hasn’t been landing it’s flips to well, and comes close to never getting up. When you hear about them with someone else, it kills you, but you act as if you couldn’t care less. You play it off like it’s in the past and it doesn’t matter anymore, but deep down you still wish you could just roll over and die. Being so depressed and shy to even let them know how you feel. Scared of saying anything to them out of fear that you might lose the small amount of relationship you have left with them. The occasional phone calls and visits are all that keep you going, and you dread the day they end, even though you dread every phone call and visit. Every time you pass where they work, you look for their car in the parking lot. Every time you see their name on the caller ID, they are the first person to be called back, even though you might act like they were your last priority. You sincerely care if their life is on track or if they are truly happy, and deep down that is all you really want for them. Even though it kills you not to have them, if they are happier without you, that is what you want them to have. This is love. This is real love. Not the shit in the movies. Not Hollywood. Not what fall out boy sings about. Nothing Madonna has ever experienced. It’s real love. The rare, and powerful emotion that is confused so often for lust. It’s love.


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