Journal Entry #2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
This Journal entry is what i've been feeling in the last few weeks.

Submitted: December 08, 2009

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Submitted: December 08, 2009

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December 1, 2009-Tuesday
And so my day began with no enthusiasm, must be the way I think about this world and the environment I live in. I see no happiness where I stand- nothing but four purple solid walls surrounding me and holding me in, just as it was a few years ago. And doors to which I can never reach to get out and run- to be free. I find myself more violent more than how it use to be in which things turn to fade and then turns to black- I find myself sitting in a desk at school with great depression and less wanting to be there, more doodling then actually wanting to do the work- I see myself in the reflection of the mirror-more often trying to figure myself out- I get less sleep- so I'm more tired every waken day- I find myself eating only a meal once a day and only 3-4 cups of water...unless it was Hot chocolate. Anyway my sin looks more dry and rough then it usually should be. But I find myself writing a lot more then what I use to do- I also find myself a lot lazier and boredom across my mind then usual-In school I have only three class’s but there’s two of them that I find myself never going to. The good parts about this is there’s things I do more of then before- I sleep with a bible under my pillow every night-but only knowing it doesn’t help it just reassure me that there’s a God, and if I thought there wasn’t I wouldn’t be sleeping with it under my pillow. In the middle of the night I ALWAYS get up and just sit there and stare straight ahead of me- I stare into darkness-into nothing only because what I feel inside is nothing. And I find myself more in day dreams; it just feels like reality doesn’t show when I do that. One reason why I think I do this is because of this one guy, his name is Chad. He was guy that I took as everything in my life, until I moved away from the school, I was put in a great state of depression (still am) But he was everything to me…There was this one day I couldn’t handle anything. And I thought dumping him would be a great idea but only to find out it wasn’t I cried about (still do) but ya, There was this other guy that was pretty cool too and I liked him a lot and he liked me too, he was Italian and I’m aboriginal he was perfect and I loved him. So I got to know this guy his name is Attilio and he’s super cool. We started going out and I saw something in Chad, something like he was changing and I didn’t like it. He was also in a great state of depression and it was all because of my. I remember a couple days ago I took off just to go see him….I needed to, I had to, but when I did he wasn’t the same and he told me so himself he had a new girlfriend and he rubbed it in my face just the way that I’ve done it to him…He was still upset with me. I told him that I said I had just wasted my time to go see someone that wasn’t him anymore and honestly I cried about it..I found myself leaning against a church crying, after all that I haven’t been myself but I try to be.
By: Dana Henderson


© Copyright 2020 Dana Henderson. All rights reserved.

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