You're Just Jealous

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A girl believes that she is overweight, when she really is anorexic.

Submitted: May 27, 2009

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Submitted: May 27, 2009

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The pain inside of me is living in my stomach like the devil.

I can’t scream or someone might hear me and suspect…

I can’t run away, because then it’ll get worse.

To make the pain go away is difficult, because I can’t think about anything but…

 

Here I am, in front of my mirror, staring at myself.

Fat, ugly, but mainly fat everywhere.

My skin folding upon itself, making me afraid.

What was I doing wrong? I was running ten miles a day.

I was eating two hundred calories a day.

What was I doing wrong?

 

Mother just got off the phone from a man she calls my therapist.

I screamed at her for saying that I was too skinny for my age.

She was just jealous that I was skinnier than her.

She told me I wasn’t fat and told me that it would be better if I ate.

Over my dead body, I told her.

 

My friends called me at night and I picked up.

They asked me if I could go bowling with them tonight.

I told them I didn’t have time. I had to go do my daily jog.

They called me crazy and hung up on me.

They were jealous of me, too. They weren’t as skinny as me.

They just wanted me to get fat so they didn’t have to feel bad about themselves.

 

On my daily jog, I’m running and running.

I guess I tripped over a pebble, since I fell over and doubled onto my forehead.

The pain, the sting, the burn—it all hurt.

My eyes closed and all was black for what seemed like years.

 

When I woke up, tubes were stuffed into my mouth.

The doctor was above me, scolding my parents for not taking care of me right.

I was skinny. No. I wasn’t. I was fat.

And paranoia took over.


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