A fresh Start

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Lillian's life seems to be going terribly wrong, she's being bullied and her parents have split up, she feels like a nobody.
Until Dorian bursts into her life.
Dorian knows a lot of things. He knows how to kart, he knows how to calculate the formulae of quadratic equations, and he also knows he might be in love with one of the girls at his new school.
And neither of them could expect that what's coming next is what keeps them sane.

Submitted: October 20, 2014

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Submitted: October 20, 2014

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****NOT FINISHED, WILL UPDATE REGULARLY IF I GET ENOUGH POSITIVE FEEDBACK AND COMMENTS******

Lillian

I could hear the shouting before I got in the door. My mum and dad hadn’t been getting along recently, they argued about little things and it was tearing me apart. I slammed the door to inform them of my presence, hoping it would stop them. It worked. When they turned round I noticed that my mums face was bright red from the tears that were still falling, my dads face was red as well but from rage rather that crying. My mum then reluctantly neared me with a look of guilt upon her scarlet face. “Sit down Lillian” She snapped, though I realised that she hadn’t meant to sound stern. “Your father and I… We’ve decided…” This is when I started to feel tears of my own brewing, ‘Keep it together Lillian’ I thought to myself. “We’ve decided that it would be better to keep away from each other for a while”

“How long?” I whispered, trying not to let the tears escape my eyes. “Will we be going to stay with Gran for a few days, is that what you mean, we’ve done that before, I don’t mind” I continued, rambling and panicking, hoping that was what she meant, though I knew it wasn’t. This was different.

“Lillian, we’re getting a divorce, we both sat down and talked and decided that it was best for you”. Now that’s a lie, I thought. They definitely didn’t talk, more like one of them had said something too heart felt and the other one had thrown them out. Another point, it wasn’t for me. And if they did consider this a gift, it was a crappy one, I’d rather not be blamed for my parents divorce. My mum had continued speaking but I couldn’t hear anything but a mumbling sound, I felt as though a tsunami had just passed only targeting me. I was completely numb so there was no danger of crying anymore, I was past that stage now. Eventually I got up and walked back out of the house ignoring the shouting behind me. I kept on walking with no real aim and when I got to a vaguely remote area I screamed, and then cried. The tears were back but this time resistance was pointless, so I let them flow, attempting to release the anger and sorrow that had been building up inside me for the last month. My head hurt and I was choking on the tears that only seemed to flow quicker and quicker. I sat completely still until they’d stopped and then wandered for another few hours. Only when I was completely sure that my eyes and face weren’t swollen anymore I made my way home. When I got there my dad had gone. “ Where’s dad?” I exclaimed, trying to sound calm.

“He’s at his house” She answered extremely calm, as if this was normal

“But… But that’s here, and he isn’t here” I stuttered beginning to feel sick

“Lillian darling…” My mum started, and moved to put her arm around me but I ducked. I didn’t want to be touched, I didn’t want anyone near me. “We’ve had this planned along time, in fact the divorce papers are finalised. Your dad had a place of his own now. It’s all okay. It’s all sorted out.”

“What?” I screamed backing away. “ It isn’t okay, this… this is far from okay! Was this your plan all along? To just spring it on me like this? Was you starting to think I hadn’t got enough weight on my shoulders?” I couldn’t keep it in any longer and I was scared I was going to hurt someone. My temper was vicious but I usually managed to keep it in, a bit like I did with all my other feelings really. Going to bed was the best decision I could have made at this point.

Dorian

“We’re moving” My mother proclaimed confidently

“Pardon?” I questioned, not quite believing my ears. If it was true, wouldn’t there be more of a lead up, or some talk as to why it was the best thing for all of the family.

“I said we’re moving. Your father can’t get a job here, we’ve no more money coming in, and you Dorian, you’re being bullied like crazy, surely you don’t want to stay here?” It was true, I was being bullied at school for no particular reason but I also had friends here, people who looked out for me.

“How far are we moving mother?” I asked, not wanting her to mention my school anymore and trying to sound calm, when actually the thought was panicking me a lot.

“England, London to be precise. The capital.”

“But mother, we’re in Italy. London’s hours away. I have friends here, we both do. What about your mum? She wont let us go I know she wont.”

“My mum doesn’t know, and she wont find out until we are there. I’ve already considered that, and you’re right. She wont let us go. So I’m not going to tell her until we’ve arrived. She can’t stop us then.” This Cannot be happening I thought to myself. it’s a dream. In a minute I’m going to wake up and everything will be how its always been. We’ll all be in our cosy little house with no intention of moving anywhere. But I was all too aware that I wasn’t dreaming and this was reality.

“When are we going?” I asked, hoping that I’d have at least four or five months to finish the school year and say goodbye to my friends.

To my disappointment she replied “You’ll have tomorrow at school and then on Friday we board the train.” I couldn’t take it anymore. The smug tone in my mothers voice told me that she wasn’t a bit sorry for what she’d thrown at me. I was fed up with this. My mother and father never told me anything until the last minute anymore. Their trust seemed to have disappeared overnight because of something I wasn’t aware I’d done.

Lillian

Lately I’ve found myself singing ‘Things will only get better’. What a load of crap that is. If I’d sung that last year, my expectations for now would be unbelievably high. Last year I had loads of friends, my Mum and Dad were still together with no hint that they’d ever split up, my grades were high and all my school reports were perfect. Now My mum and Dad hate each other for a reason which neither of them will tell me. I’ve realised I have only one true friend and I’m being bullied. How can so much go wrong in a year? I was bursting to let someone know how I felt, that I was completely broken inside and there was no glue strong enough to piece me back together. But I thought that was selfish. No-one needs to hear your worries I kept telling myself. They have enough of their own. So I’m going to try and keep my smile, no matter how fake it is. Besides, if I start being grumpy or cry all the time, my mum will want me to explain why and I might drive my only friend away from me. I wont let that happen. My mum has already started questioning me, asking why I lock myself in another room all of the time. The answer to that is simple, I have to fake happiness all day at school or anytime I have to show my face to anyone, and it is, quite frankly exhausting. I could tell her this, but she‘d only worry. “Earth to Lillian, Earth to Lillian” Jen said, waving her hand in front of my face. “Whilst you were daydreaming look who arrived” as she kicked me in the shin and pointed towards the doorway. Stood there was a boy, with who I assumed were his parents.

“Who is he?” I murmured.

“No idea baby-cakes, but he’s fit isn’t he?” Fit was a major understatement. He was unlike anyone else I’d seen before. His figure was sturdy and I admired his ability to smile, even though it must be daunting starting a new school when they’ve already begun their A levels. There was a spark about him, something which made you stare, and after a few minutes of me doing just that, his eyes found mine. My word his eyes, they were the most beautiful mixture of blues and greens, but he quickly carried on scanning the room. For goodness sake, I thought to my self; he hasn’t even opened his mouth and you’re falling under his spell.

Dorian

There she goes again I thought as my mum announced to the computing class that I wanted to start that A level. The teacher seemed young and he explained to me that the class we were looking at was most likely going to be the one I would join if I chose to move to this school. I think he said something else as well, but I was too busy taking in who could be my new class mates. I spotted her then. She was small with shoulder length hair, the colour of which is impossible to explain, it was in-between brown and blonde with natural highlights which looked auburn in some lights. She wasn’t really anything special to look at but something about the way she chatted and laughed casually made me intrigued. I couldn’t help but smile. Stupidly I stole another glance at her, to find that she was looking at me as well. Quickly I looked away, if I chose this school I’d have enough time to figure her out anyway.

Lillian

The following Monday I’d sat down for science when ‘the Grinch’ (that’s what we called our art teacher- she hated Christmas) started the register. Politely we all answered “yes miss” as this was the custom. But there was a name added on the end; curious to find out who the newbie was, I turned around. It was him. Dorian, I think that’s what he answered to. His voice sent a shiver down my spine, it was strangely deep, and made me wonder whether he might be from a different country. Already he was popular and it was only his first day, I had no chance. I was one of the weird ones, and according to the rumours going around school I was gay as well. This is when I realised I hated most people in that school. Great, I thought. The strange little fan girl had no chance against the funny drop dead gorgeous little miss popular that he already seemed to be friends with.

Dorian

“How was your first day at school Dorian dear” my mother called from the kitchen. Our new house was fairy big but the kitchen was definitely the show room. It had brown laminate flooring that shone, The wall above the black granite work tops was lined with black tiles but apart from that the wall was titanium white. It was open planned so there was a dining area as well. I wanted to tell her about that girl but there wasn’t’ much to say, its not as if I was brave enough to speak to her. I wasn’t sure I’d ever dare talk to her.

Lillian

When I got home I went straight up to my room. I loved my room, it was the only place that never changed unexpectedly. I went straight over to the corner of my room where I’d made a pile of cushions and picked up a book. War horse. One of my favourites. Just as I was starting to dread school, I remembered Dorian which almost made the concept bearable.

Dorian

I was completely gob smacked that people liked me. I was apparently one of the popular kids, but knew it was nothing to do with my personality, just my looks. This upset me, even though I knew it shouldn’t. I wanted people to get to know me, to be my friend because they thought I was kind or funny, not because I looked cool to be with. My newly found chums and I were walking towards the Canteen when I saw her walking towards me. I was too busy daydreaming to move out of the way, and she was chatting (as usual) so we collided, knocking all her books out of her arms. I grabbed her by the shoulder to stop her from falling and hoped that this might start a conversation. It didn’t. I’d started to help her pick them back up when she looked up at me with a degree of embarrassment that made me feel increasingly guilty. Quickly she muttered “Thank you… Sorry… I’ll shut up… I’m sorry”

“Don’t be” I replied, “I’m Dorian” and smiled.

“ I know, erm… hi, I… I’ve got to go” She smiled faintly pointing vaguely in the opposite direction and left, her face reddening as she buried her head in her hands.

“Ooooooh” one of my mates squealed while the other one calmly stated

“ That’s Lillian, she’s a bit strange” Ill be the judge of that I thought.

Lillian

For heaven sake I thought. Could that have gone much worse? Most people would have just made polite conversation and maybe walked to lunch with them, but I had to be so socially awkward didn’t I? They wouldn’t have wanted me to walk to lunch with them anyway. They already had Becky with them, the most popular girl in the entire school, she was actually a nice person as well and you couldn’t help but make friends with her. This is a quality I really longed for. Making friends for me is so hard, that’s if anyone even spoke to me. I don’t dress any different to them, in fact there is school uniform so we all dress the same and I wear my hair down. I don’t necessarily act strange either, I’m just less confident than some. The only reason I am regarded as strange is bullying. The older people started rumours (I still don’t know exactly what they were) and now no one bothers to get to know me, they just look at me strangely. That’s another reason I was hoping I could get to know Dorian, since he’s new he wouldn’t judge me until he’d gotten to know me. Well at least that was the plan. That isn’t going to happen now, ever since I ruined it by walking into him, making a fool out of my self and he’s in with the popular kids… another downer.

Dorian

It was maths next and I got to choose where I sat. There were quite a few empty spaces. One near Alfred (I’d never spoken to him before so that was a definite no) A whole row in front of Luke and two of the other popular people I’d made friends with, which was also the row behind Lillian and her friend. There was also a spare seat right next to Lillian, which was extremely tempting. While deciding which seat to chose I noticed her looking at me, full of shame and something else. I could tell she was still embarrassed about lunch time, which I couldn’t understand. Why did it mean so much to her? It was only an accident. I eventually sat at the end of the row in front of Luke and directly behind Lillian.

Lillian

He was looking at the seat next to me. What was going through his head I don’t know, probably something within the lines of ‘ I’m not bloody sitting there next to her’ but there wasn’t a hint of spite on his face. In fact if anything he looked like he might have been considering that seat. I hope so. He’ d only been at the school a day and he was making me a wreck!

Dorian

In an effort to start a conversation I flicked a pen under her chair. I know it sounds stupid but I couldn’t make a grand gesture could I? I didn’t exactly fancy her, she just had something about her which made me want to get to know her. Which was hard, as she had very little self confidence and only spoke to her few close friends. The pen didn’t create a conversation, well not a very long one. It went a bit like this:

“Is this yours?”

“Yes thanks”

*Places pen on table*

“Thanks”

So as you can see it wasn’t really the desired effect.

Lillian

I’ve decided from now on I’m going to have a more positive outlook on life. In fact to build my confidence I’ve started a Drama group. Secretly I’ve always loved the theatre and acting. Its just great being able to be someone else for a while, forgetting all of your problems and getting lost in a different world. Though I have also decided that I will not be trying to look elegant again any time soon. Yesterday we got a new seating plan in science and just my luck, I’m sat across from Dorian. I saw him staring at me and decided to try and look dainty. I sat on the edge of the stool (going well so far, that looked good) and went to cross my legs. This was a bad move as I realised I was too far backwards, and definitely not elegantly I fell of backwards, my legs in the air and became the laughing stock of the class. Much to my surprise Dorian, whom I assumed had completely forgotten about my existence, rushed to my side and gave me a hand up. I’m not sure what the look on his face was but it seemed to be a mixture of humour and shock… certainly not lust!

Dorian

“She’s looking at you again” Luke whispered in my ear. And she was. This seemed to have become a regular occurrence over the last month, I’ve lost count of the amount of times that we’ve made eye contact. Only for a second or two, and we never smiled just looked at each other but I couldn’t help wondering whether it was her way of getting my attention. I was aware now that quite a few people had a crush on me, but I wasn’t interested in any of them. Not even Becky, she was one of my best friends and apparently wanted to be more than that but I didn’t really care. I couldn’t pinpoint why though.

Lillian

It was business studies now, and though it was the most dull lesson ever, I didn’t mind too much. Dorian had been seated just a few rows away from me which made it easier to steal a few quick glances at him, though he was usually looking at me already. At this point I’d started to think that maybe he liked me, not quite had a crush or anything like that but maybe he’d meet up with me if I asked. This theory was crushed when Becky shouted something across the classroom to him and he smiled, nodded shyly and told her to be quieter because he didn’t want everyone knowing. I don’t know what it was she said but it was probably her asking him if he wanted to ‘go out’ with her.

Dorian

Stupid Becky, she nearly let the entire class know. “You’re falling for her aren’t you?” she shouted and when I nodded, I couldn’t quite understand why Lillian looked so disheartened. I think it was quite obvious to most people except myself that I was. It was only the other day that I realised. She wasn’t at school and I found myself deeply disappointed that I couldn’t look at her at all. Suddenly I realised that I thought she was beautiful. Not because of her flowing hair or other things people normally find attractive, but for her flaws. The way her hair was a bit too long and she was constantly blowing it from her eyes or sweeping it from her shoulders, or how her laugh was just a bit too loud, and she found most things funny. It’s killing me not being able to speak to her, I’m a confident person, I really am but when I’m near her my brain seems to stop. I don’t know what to say, or how to start a conversation.

Lillian

I don’t know why I find Dorian so special, maybe it’s because I’ve never really had a crush before, or maybe it’s because of the confidence I find when looking into his eyes. But I don’t think I’ll be able to just pretend it’s a silly teenage phase, because it isn’t, no one has ever made me feel like this before. I’m going to have to talk to him. I can’t stand it anymore, I won’t tell him how I feel, not yet, but I might ask him to meet up with me maybe? Oh I don’t know, I’d prefer to be like this than get rejected by him, but if I don’t say anything soon it might be too late.

Dorian

‘There she is!’ I thought, this is my chance. When she spotted me, she started to reluctantly walk in my direction. The expression on her face worried me, she looked as though she had bad news, a mixture of apprehension and confusion on her face. Before she had a chance to turn round and go the other way I put my hand on her shoulder.

“Lillian!” I exclaimed, trying to sound more enthusiastic than scared

“Listen Dorian, I… I was wondering whether”

“Do you want to meet up for lunch on Saturday?” I interrupted, blurting it out before I could convince myself it was a bad idea.

“Really?” she squeaked “This is a dare isn’t it? No one like you would take an interest in getting to know a weird little girl like me…” she was rambling again, she did that when she was nervous.

“No, of course it’s not a dare. That’d be flipping cruel! I thought you’d have noticed me looking at you, I thought I was being to obvious. Lillian you seem like a really fun and interesting person” I realised how serious I sounded, well I was serious I suppose. I thought for a while before I continued with “ and I promise this isn’t a dare, I just want to get to know you, oh and by the way you might be different and unique but that doesn’t make you weird. It just means you aren’t boring like everyone else” I was being to serious now, what if I’d ruined it, it seemed to be going well but I sound like I’m nagging her now. Suddenly felling bashful after my burst of confidence I finished with “so would you like to? Erm you don’t have to, it was just an idea”. To my surprise she responded with

“actually yes, I’d love to, I was going to ask you the same thing!”

“Oh thank god!” I blurted “Do you want to meet at the café in town at… 12?”

“Perfect” she exclaimed at walked of with a bounce in her step and a smile on her face. Did I mention how contagious that cute little smile is?

Lillian

He likes me! He actually likes me! I don’t know what to say, I honestly thought that he considered me as a weird little freak. It’s tomorrow that I’m meeting him. Just Dorian and I. Face-to-face. Talking. I can’t quite work out whether I’m exited or just completely petrified, probably both. What if it doesn’t go smoothly though? I keep thinking. What if I completely mess it up and he never wants to see me again? I won’t, that’s what I keep telling myself anyway, if I keep having negative thoughts I’ll be a emotional wreck by bedtime. Not that I’ll get much sleep anyway. I’ve never been on a date before, I know this isn’t technically a date but it’s the closest thing I’ve ever had! I’ll try and make an effort, well more than I do for school anyway.

Dorian

I arrived at the café twenty minutes early, I didn’t want to be late and her to leave, thinking I didn’t care. I did care. In fact I cared about this a lot more than I’d cared about anything for a long time. When she arrived she looked gorgeous. She hadn’t overdressed or anything she just looked cool and casual. He hair was tied into one long braid at the back of her head, she wore skinny jeans and a baggy top, and no make up. She was one of the only girls I’d met who didn’t wear makeup, but that made her more special. She looked effortlessly beautiful.

Lillian

He was already there when I turned up, though in fairness I was a little late. I’d woken up at 11:30 (I hadn’t got to sleep very easily the night before) and realised my hair needed washing. Once I’d washed, dried it and quickly braided it I threw on the clothes nearest to me and sprinted out the house. I was still late and I looked like a tramp too. Not a brilliant start. We both walked into the café together and ordered our food. We both wanted an all day English breakfast, at least we had that in common because I doubted that we’d be able to find anything else. Suddenly he spoke in that beautiful deep accent. “So Lillian, erm… what do you do in your spare time?” That was a good conversation starter, I could now talk about my drama group which made me seem a little less of an annoying dork I thought. When I returned his question he responded with “Go-Karting, I love it, just forgetting everything for a split second as you’re whizzing round the track” I’d always wanted to go Karting, I tried it once when on holiday and loved it but I’d never dare join any of the clubs near me for multiple reasons. The main ones being that I wasn’t very good at it and I was aware that one of the bullies at my school went to my local one. I told him that I’d love to learn how to kart and guess what? He told me he’d teach me. Now this I couldn’t believe, I still couldn’t quite process the fact that he stuck to his word and met me here but now he was suggesting we spent more time with each other. Maybe things do get better.

Dorian

The ecstatic look on her face when I told her I’d teach her to kart made my day. It was something that I loved doing and I was fairly good at it, to be able to teach Lillian was like a dream come true, because to be honest I really was falling for her. We decided we’d meet next weekend in the same place and get dinner, then afterwards we would go to my fathers private race track and practise (Yes he is rich). The dinner was a success as well, we both ordered the same food, and although it took a while to get the conversation going, when it’d started it didn’t really stop. We just sat there shovelling food in our mouths and chatting about anything and everything like we’d known each other all our lives. After we’d finished every last morsel of food we wondered around the town chatting still, but when the subject of family was brought up she went deadly silent. Her eyes filled up, but she just shook her head and answered quietly, “there’s nothing much to tell”.


© Copyright 2020 Danni Clarke. All rights reserved.

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