Why are you Whispering?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

The story and thoughts of a young man called Derek, and his journey, experiences and things he noted when observing the ASMR community.

Derek was bored.  Not the sort of bored where you end up reading a good book or masturbating furiously to your attractive friends Facebook pictures from that one holiday where she wore a bikini, this was the sort of bored where he felt he actually needed to do something. Derek had no real experience with doing things, it wasn’t really ever anything he was good at, and he had done many things before for a lengthy period of time but nothing really worth boasting about, even if people would stick around long enough to listen to his story of that one time he mowed the lawn wearing no shoes. No, this time he needed to do something different, something so new and so out there that not even he knew what he was doing. 

What could he possibly do? Skydiving? The idea of jumping out of a plane with a pretty certain chance you’ll be fine never appealed to Derek, the only danger there is either something goes wrong with your backpack and you die, or you forget to pull it and you die. It seemed like more of a guarantee of certain death or being sweaty wearing a ridiculous jumpsuit, neither appealed to Derek in the slightest. What he needed was a way to reinvent himself, fighting crime?  No, not only is that exactly the same problem as before with certain death or looking like you should be sectioned wearing a jumpsuit, it also required a lot more effort, and effort is one of the most scarce substances known to Derek. How about some form of YouTuber? That’s never too hard; he never has to really leave his house or do anything remotely productive with his time, he just has to think of something interesting to say.

Fifteen hours had past with the intention of looking at YouTube and noting down the different styles and different clichés of YouTube with the hope of finding something that is ‘just right for him’ and that he will fit nicely into. Those fifteen hours however were spent watching reruns of You’ve Been Framed with the occasional break to check out his friends ‘Spain ‘08’ photo album on Facebook in which he had previously bookmarked. Perhaps tomorrow would be Derek’s day.

It wasn’t. If anything tomorrow was less productive than the day previous, with more time being spent thinking about what to do than actually doing anything. As a result of this Derek stayed in bed for most of the day, pondering what it could have been like if he had got up. Perhaps YouTube isn’t for him. There had to be something out there for Derek. Perhaps he could fight crime! Yes, that could work! Sure it might be a little more effort than he is used to and face an almost certain death, but then again, he’d only get distracting prowling YouTube and probably murder himself in a self-felacio accident.

Derek donned the only jumpsuit he owned, which happened to be bright yellow and reminded him more of a bad Simpsons cosplay instead of someone who could fight crime, but nonetheless he was determined to make this a reality. Derek had only ever been in one fight at school and the result of which was a broken collarbone that happened to break on the walk home afterwards, he was not an experienced combatant by any means.
Dressed to the nines in his sponge coloured attire holding a cutlery knife and proudly raising his head as if he was automatic crime radar, he walked out the door and quickly realised he looked like a massive faggot. Derek did not mean that in the homophobic sense of the word, he thought gay people had very good fashion so such a thought would have been entirely contradictory. The walking sponge turned around and went back inside entirely disappointed, perhaps he’ll have his chance to soak up crime another day.

Derek couldn’t sleep that night, he wasn’t sure if it was this constant thought of uselessness playing on his mind or the seven cups of coffee he drank before bed, either way it was proving to be a big problem. He slammed his head onto his table and kept sliding until it managed to hit his laptop, which he then opened and proceeded to look for “relaxing sounds”.
Derek spent the next twenty minutes listening to what could only be described as whales’ gossiping about how one of them has put on weight or that Sandra was being a bitch recently. This didn’t help Derek at all, he wanted to sleep not get confused by things in the sea, it simply would not do.

Derek then stumbled apon a video of a woman brushing her hair. Derek was confused.
He wondered if he was supposed to be aroused so he checked the comments section, and all he could see for miles around was a baron wasteland filled with the bodies of people who have asked similar questions, and the victorious commenter’s calling them perverts righteously standing above them holding a keyboard shaped blade, Derek decided to say nothing and just watch the video.
It was nice and it was relaxing, it actually made Derek feel pretty sleepy as well. He wondered if there were more videos out there like this and low and behold there were! He crept around those sorts of videos for long enough to realise that to him it seemed to be a community of attractive females doing menial tasks, usually when Derek watched attractive females do menial tasks what he’d usually be worrying about is how not to get caught staring, so this was a nice break from that worry.

Derek realised that the name of this community generally was referred to as the ASMR community, which was very scientific sounding and he was very curious to find out what that meant.
He then realised after a while that it didn’t really mean anything, and was slightly disappointed but nevertheless happy that he learnt what ‘autonomous’ means. Derek wondered how hard it could be to make those sorts of videos, all you have to do is be quiet and whisper, it’s what he had seen so many people do beforehand and it seemed to go well for them. Derek did the deed well and was happy with what he produced; ignoring a few bumps and background sound he thought he did well.

“What the fuck is this shit?” One commenter loudly announced apon turning up at the video.
“This isn’t even ASMR”. Derek was taken back. Not ASMR? He thought, what could it possibly be? Had he whispered into a microphone and through some step of fate managed to create something that was not whispering in a microphone, what could he have done wrong?
“Faggot” another commenter chipped in alongside the first. Derek, glancing at his superhero costume from across the room was sure he didn’t look like a faggot anymore; he had removed the superhero costume and even washed it by this time. Derek figured perhaps this video just wasn’t right, no harm done.

To calm himself he watched another video on YouTube, this time it was a very attractive woman showing the camera general items in her possession and how she would organise them. Derek liked this video a lot, he’d always come back to it when he needed to sleep and he thought the girl was one of the prettiest he had seen. He liked the video so much so he thought he would leave a lovely message on the video to show his appreciation.
“Really like the video, you have been helping me sleep for a while now, you’re also beautiful”. Derek typed into the small white box followed by a smiley face. He didn’t really care whether he would hear back, he was just happy knowing that she knows his appreciation.

Bing. How wonderful, Derek got a reply on that comment already.
“Leave her alone you fucking pervert; she is a woman not an object ffs”.
Derek was confused again, had he accidently pasted a message he wrote to a model on Chaturbate the night before? No, he only wrote the message he thought he did.
Derek realised quickly, after many more comments followed, that perhaps addressing the look of anyone in this community was something that got you ostracised. Derek stopped thinking about that one for a while and went to sleep, the ASMR thoughts were keeping him awake.

The next day he realised that the whisperers all had a Facebook and had their own little community. Derek thought this was wonderful so began to add them and show his support, he figured as a final look into the community as something he can do so it would be great to find out, he did not feel as ostracised as before by any means, things are looking good for Derek. It was then that he heard an explosion behind him.

Derek ducked and turned round. It was a whisperer hurling grenades up in the air whilst screaming. What on earth could be happening? Another whisperer burst through the door screaming louder and began to kick the shit out of the other whisperer. It was then that three more came through the window wielding heavy firearms and shot both of them up, blood and gore spraying everywhere. Derek shut the Facebook tab and everything resumed normality, perhaps the ASMR facebook community was too much for Derek. Derek figured there must be some normality out there but he could not see it. The ones who shout the loudest get heard the most.

Derek got a job the next day.




Submitted: July 23, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Danny Docile. All rights reserved.

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