The Actor (Early TV Draft)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Three young actors accidentally stumble upon fame with their hit movie "The Actor." However, not all of them are ready to accept the fame.

Submitted: July 28, 2013

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Submitted: July 28, 2013

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The Actor
Episode One
“Just Like That”
by 
Danny Richman
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Writer’s first draft 6-21-13
 
 
 
 
 
 
[Fade in: Roger Redman wakes up when his agent Philip Corman calls his cell phone. He’s lying in a bed and answers it while lying down.]
 
Roger: Hello…?
 
Philip: Christ Redman, where are you? 
 
Roger: Uhhh...that’s a good question.
 
Philip: I’ve been answering calls all morning, you know how many angry people call here a day for you?
 
[Roger grabs his watch and necklace off the nightstand and puts them on]
 
Philip: You know the work phone is for business and not your daily life.
 
[Roger half heartily throws on his dress shirt and accidentally steps on a girl lying on the floor and looks down to her.]
 
Girl: Ow!
 
Roger: You’ll be alright.
 
Philip: Who are you talking to? Never mind, you had a rehearsal this morning and you missed it. This is the third time for fuck’s sake. 
 
Roger: Just tell him I was stuck in traffic.
 
Philip: You’re in the suburbs! 
 
Roger: Then tell him I was saying kids from a burning church.
 
Philip: That should cover you then. 
 
[Roger passes by the living with drunken people lying all over the place and walks outside to his car while on the phone]
 
Roger: Did you write down the messages from the phone calls?
 
Philip: What? Oh yeah, I got ‘em here. Hollywood videos called, you still owe them six movies. You haven’t picked up your clothes from the Laundromat said you haven’t picked up your clothes in three weeks. Your ex-wife also left a message.
 
Roger: Bev? What’d she say?
 
Philip: She said to fuck off.
 
Roger: Anything else?
 
Philip: No, but you decide to drop by the office you’re supposed to be in eight minutes then that would be wonderful.
 
[Roger gets in his car]
 
Roger: I won’t make any promises.
 
[Cut to Carter’s office as Roger Redman and Philip Corman are seated, looking uncomfortable. Carter paces back and forth and begins to speak, but stops and paces again before starting]
 
Carter: Look…guys. Roger…I uhh…just need you to do me one favor. 
 
Roger: Sure thing.
 
Carter: You see that umbrella by the door over there? Yeah please take that, cover it in lube and stick it up your ass. Back and forth. Repeatedly. Until you bleed out.
 
Philip: Look, I can sense the tension between you two guys and I think the best way to get rid of this negative energy is to,
 
Carter: Fuck up, Phillip. Roger, we’ve got a deadline. We start filming next week, and if your dumb ass fucks this, I’m going to fuck you up. Do you understand that?
 
 
Roger: Look I’m a method actor. I prefer to rehearse by myself-
 
Carter: Method my nuts Redman. We got the second rehearsal in an hour, don’t fuck around. Now Philip, you’re his agent so I want him watching him.
 
[Cut to: Roger and Philip walk through the studio and talk}
 
Philip: That could’ve been worse.
 
Roger: He told me to shove an umbrella up my ass until I bleed anally.
 
Philip: At least he told you to put lube on it. Alright we got an hour to kill and I’m supposed to keep watch over you. So, now what?
 
[Cut to: Roger and Philip are playing a drinking game with two of the other actors, Johnny Westwood and Ryan Parker]
 
Roger: Alright guys, this is called the truth game. We got around the table and each person is asked an embarrassing question, you answer you get to take a shot.
 
Ryan: Wouldn’t be better off just getting wasted?
 
Philip: This is Roger’s way of bonding with us.
 
Roger: We’ll start off light to get this going. Alright Johnny, you’re up.  Me, Ryan, Philip, you got to fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!
 
Johnny: That’s your version of “light?”
 
Roger: Come on it’s time to live out your dream.
 
Johnny: Alright, Philip’s a bitch so I’d kill him. Uhhh…let’s see. Roger I’d probably marry you so you can a second divorce. 
 
Roger: So you’re going to fuck Ryan then?
 
Johnny: That’s what it comes down to, sorry Ryan but I’m going to have to do this. 
 
[Johnny stands up and starts unbuckling his belt]
 
Ryan: Hey hey, keep it in your pants Simba. 
 
Roger: Yeah, let’s just move on. Johnny take your shot and give Ryan his question. 
 
[Johnny takes his shot.]
 
Johnny:  Alright Ryan, who’s your celebrity crush.
 
Ryan: You Johnny. No, uhh…I’d say either Jessica Biel or Meryl Streep. 
 
Johnny: Meryl right now?
 
Ryan: Well, yeah. What’s the matter?
 
Philip: She’s 64 years old you sick fuck.
 
Ryan: She has a big heart so what?
 
Roger: You take three shots for admitting that. Ryan, hit Philip with it.
 
[Ryan takes his shot.]
 
Ryan: Alright, since you want to judge tell us Mr. Corman. Who’s celebrity crush.
 
Philip: While I admit Roger looks great in a certain light. I always liked Halle Berry or an early 20s Johnny Depp. 
 
Roger: Really?
 
Philip: I’m just saying, if there’s one man that can handle the Corman, it’s Johnny Depp. It’s only a bromance though, it doesn’t really count.
 
Roger: No I could picture it. You and Johnny Depp away on a sea cruise. Sitting on the floor of your room, a sunset outside the window, rose pedals on the floor. 
 
Philip: I’m not sure I like where this is going. 
 
Roger: Then you go to the mini fridge and get some lo-fat butter and make Depp into your little cholesterol demon and chase him around the ship.
 
Philip: Alright! You had your little laugh. Now it’s your turn.
 
Roger: Okay, fine. Hit me with a good one though. None of that celebrity crush shit.
 
[Philip takes his shot. pauses and thinks about it.]
 
Ryan: Did you really shave for that Gillette commercial? 
 
Philip:  No Ryan, I got one. 
 
Johnny: Ask him what a cholesterol demon is.
 
Philip: I always wanted to know this. Might as well ask now. Why did you and Beverly get divorced? 
 
[The room gets silent.]
 
Roger: Uhh…just after awhile we decided it wasn’t working out. Maybe we had rushed it…so we just cut it off.
 
Ryan: I thought you said it was because she didn’t shave.
 
[Johnny smacks Ryan]
 
Philip: Just like that?  
 
Roger: Yeah…just like that.
 
Johnny: Well you really killed this atmosphere Philip.
 
Ryan: Yeah, good job asshole.
 
Johnny: I hope you're proud of yourself.
 
Philip: What?! He said hit him with a good one.
 
Roger: No, let’s just move on-
 
[Carter barges in]
 
Carter: The fuck are you guys doing? I pay you to act not have a circle jerk.
 
Ryan: But we got like 45 minutes.
 
Carter: and I got a movie to shoot now get the fuck up to the set. 
 
Philip: What should I do?
 
Carter: Oh I know what you can do, have Westwood piss in that glass and then take a shot of that. Fuckin’ asshole.
 
[The camera cuts to a mid-shot of Roger, Johnny, and Ryan all sitting in one room with Carter, Corman  and the director Scott Santoro all watching. A stage hand cuts in to start the scene.]
 
Stage hand: The Actor, scene 1. 
 
[Stage Hand claps the board and they start.]
 
 
Roger: What do you mean I’m funny?
 
Johnny: It’s funny, you know. The way you tell a story, you tell a good story.
 
[Quick cut to Carter with a confused face.]
 
Roger: What do you mean I’m funny, like the way I talk? What?
 
Johnny: It’s just you know, the way you tell a story and everything. It’s funny.
 
Roger: What’s so funny about it? What’s so funny?
 
Ryan: Tommy, he didn’t mean nothing by it.
 
Roger: No Anthony, he’s a big boy he knows what he said.
 
[Carter interrupts.]
 
Carter: Okay guys, okay. This scene is really great and all but there’s a bit of a problem.
 
Ryan: What?
 
Carter: Nothing but, none of that is in the fucking script! You guys are reciting a scene from Goodfellas. What the fuck is wrong with all of you? Did none of you read the script?
 
[Corman puts his head down and doesn’t acknowledge the conversation.]
 
Johnny: Well you see, I uh was going to read mine on the way but I accidentally grabbed a Chinese restaurant menu instead.
 
Ryan: Yeah we’re just improvising.
 
Carter: If that’s improvising, then Will Smith is a gangster rapper. Jesus H. motherfucking Christ, Santoro help me please. Talk some sense into these jag offs. 
 
Scott: Look guys, I chose you all for a reason. So please, out of respect for me, let’s get this movie done.
 
Roger: Alright out of respect for you Scott, we’ll quit being a bunch of jag offs.
 
 
[The words “a few hours later…” appear on the screen and Roger, Johnny, Ryan, and Philip walk out of the studio.]
 
Philip: Well, today was great guys. We got a lot of work done, and 
 
Ryan: We?
 
Philip: Well uh, you guys. But I am emotional support and all.
 
Roger: Yeah, you’re like a cheerleader.
 
[Johnny laughs.]
 
Philip: You know what, just fuck you Roger, and Johnny I hope you feel awkward for being the only one laughing.
 
Roger: Alright, meet you guys at the bar later?
 
Johnny: You mean Ryan’s house?
 
Roger: Well yeah, he’s the one we’re going to bum alcohol off of.
 
Ryan: I understand my house is the designated drinking spot for you guys, but you’re actors. You can afford your own beer.
 
Roger: Yeah, but everyone likes free shit. 
 
Ryan: I guess you got a point there.
 
Roger: See you guys then. 
 
[Roger gets in his car and takes a deep breath. He looks at his phone and scrolls to Beverly’s name.]
 
Roger: Fuck. 
 
[Roger rubs his face and looks back to the phone.]
 
Roger: Just when I want to put this shit behind me. 
 
 
 
 
 
 


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