Deep Inside My Head

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
I sit here in this dark room with no lights. I can’t see my hands before my face

Submitted: July 09, 2012

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Submitted: July 09, 2012

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I sit here in this dark room with no lights. I can’t see my hands before my face. The floors, walls, and ceiling are black. I can hear the screams of them trying to escape, but yet I trap them in. My body is being destroyed from the inside out. The love, the hate, the feelings are trying to escape the dark scary jail of my soul.  I sit and smile when I really don’t know what I’m smiling at. My fingers are trembling as I write this. I try to be a big man, but the little scared boy inside me want to come out, but yet I hold him in against his will and tell him that no one will ever know of his existence within me. This little boy cries, and wants to be heard. No one will ever understand. I hate to look in the mirror because my eyes are the gate way to my emotions. I look into the mirror and try to destroy it, as if I was destroying the pain I see. I’m lost within my own soul. I try to look for ways out but none exists. The days I cry, my feelings  roll down my face, I wish they would just leave but yet they return like the sun. They may seem like their gone but they always come back. I feel as if I’m all alone in this big wide world. I walk the streets to find my way, but yet I’m like a leaf in the wind; I blow anyway the wind blows.  I try to be stable, but I’m armed like a bomb in the hands of an unstable dictator. Sometimes I wish I would fall asleep and never wake up to escape the pain. The beat of my heart is the song that my emotions dance to; so if the heart doesn’t beat then they can’t dance. I will never take my own life, because I believe that’s cheating. I will live and walk this Earth until I find my way or until I’m called home.  But sometimes I wish I was just called home because how can I continue? If I was to cry, I would be drowning in my tears. It hurts me to cry, because it shows weakness.  I must be the strong one, strong people don’t cry! This is what I tell myself.  I don’t understand anything about myself, but what I do know is that God put me here to be a great leader and help as many people as I can. I will continue to hide my emotions, my feelings.


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