Only Once Was

Reads: 363  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 6

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

this is one of my best i think atleast. not sure how good it is. but im looking forward to constructive tips. i know its not in great form and i dont bother capitalizing. mainly looking for tips about the substence.

words to replace lost time. time to heal. heal with moments. holding in to your one wish. sharing the shame. removing the smoke from your lungs. cleaning the black. revealing tenderness. only to be clouded by bitterness. identity lost in translation. words slowly turn to ash. shadowed by folly. you have to set it free. caged insecurities. dripping uselessness. pouring blissfulness only to leave none inside. suffering with a smile. eyes with no personality. forever lost in the breeze. calming yet inflicting. ash clouds cover the sky. only the glow of whats left inside to light your way. slowly dimming. life is giving in. no words. no time. infected. eating away. only soul to leave. no physical representation. no identity. only once was.


Submitted: July 15, 2008

© Copyright 2021 Darko Mason. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

julistar

sounds like an excellent life summary...but not yours! This is the passage of a keen eyed observer who's lived and learned.

Love your style.

Tue, July 15th, 2008 2:57am

Author
Reply

im glad you liked it. it is a little bit of summary. its got quite a few different view points in it though, including mine. thanks again.

Mon, August 4th, 2008 5:18pm

Those

WOw this was great. The meaning was touching and the words you chose were excellent and only made it stronger. I would, however, like to point out that it is in paragraph form. If that is how it is supposed to be, then forget this, but my poems kept doing this and I know that it can be irritating. Anyways, what I do is just post stuff from word.

Loved it!

Tue, July 15th, 2008 7:06am

Author
Reply

im very glad you liked it. i try to use stronger words as much as possible so im glad your able to see that. lets me know im doing something right. yea. its in paragraph form, but only because im a little too lazy haha. thanks for your insight. peace my friend.

Mon, August 4th, 2008 5:14pm

Codey

Strong sentiments. I liked it

Tue, July 15th, 2008 3:11pm

Author
Reply

thank you very much. glad you like it.

Mon, August 4th, 2008 5:11pm

Trinity88

this resonates...beautiful.

Tue, July 15th, 2008 3:28pm

Author
Reply

thank you so much.

Mon, August 4th, 2008 5:08pm

BlueBus

loved it.

Tue, July 15th, 2008 8:25pm

Author
Reply

THANK YOU!

Mon, August 4th, 2008 5:07pm

devilrod

A great poem. It's like thoughts and emotions are exploding from your mind, that have been held back. I don't think you really need any tips. If it wants to come out, then put it down. Your words are expressions...and that's fine poetry.

Wed, July 16th, 2008 2:43am

Author
Reply

thank you for your thoughts. i always love hearing what people think about my work.

Mon, August 4th, 2008 5:07pm

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