My stomach feels pitted and heavy while I try to sleep. I think about the fateful constitutons that brought about the memories, the flashes of good-spirited dreams before me. Your sweet breath grips my soul in a painful dance of roccurence and resentment. I hate it. I despise it. I want to be rid of the opression that plagues me to this day. My life once was a glimmer, a white jewel in the black-hole of the Earth. Nothing could stop me in my goals of fulfillment. But things change, like city lights in the desert hills I hide myself in now. Beneath the stars tonight I gaze and remember every vow. How was I to know you'd never find what you thought you saw in me? Damn, even I thought it was there. I wish I'd only asked you. I might of had an answer when the moment arose. But It was YOUR choice. Not mine. Preculiar, isn't it? You were on your way to bigger and better things and saw me. You thought I'd do you some good. All it did was ruin a good, christian girl and turn her into what she should have been from the start. I feel cold in July. its 114 and the bite of your words still stab me like ice and make me shiver. You made me desperate, weak, and helpless. But Arizona found me there, on the side of that road you left me on and cleaned me up and taught me to harden my heart. I'm stone now. Just as I should be. I wish I'd only known what you were after. I may not have burned so very many bridges then. Things are dying down now. No one knows me here and it's safer that way. You drove Him away, You drove my family and friends away... I guess I had no time to love any of them anyhow. But you still stole that from me. I wrote the novel. I sang your praises. Now go. Let me free. People they'll read this and try to piece together what you've done but they'll never know. Never will they see your disappointed eyes, the heavy sigh and brown hands rubbing an unshaved chin. But I know when you read this, you'll do just that. The people here write to be free of people trying to change them. This is my gift to them.
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