As I sit here in my flannel, red and black pajama set ( my favorite) I find myself reflecting upon the epiphany occurring during one of my prolonged, searing showers just moments before. Earlier today, as I flipped on my lamp, I found the note you wrote me. It was that note that, in my deepest time of despair, brought me enough joy to push me to pursue the rest of my life. I sit here now, gripping it in my hand as if it's fragile and old. I never removed any of the items you placed in this self-made card. Not the money or candy or picture. I didnt want to damage it in any way. But now, instead of bringing me a smile, it brings tears to my eyes. Not because I miss you anymore, that ship had sailed months ago. No, I cry because I miss the girl you once were. When I met you, you told me you admired me extremely. the uniqueness of my clothes, the constant change of my hair, and my ability to laugh at nearly anything. That was my 8th grade year. It seems centuries ago that you were that girl for now I only know you as a heartless, ignorant brat. Not my best friend. Had one of us been a man, we used to joke we'd have been soul mates. For years, you were the one person I relied on and confided in. You knew all of my secrets and I knew your's. It was the happiest I'd been in so long, namely because it was you who brought me up after my life came moments away from falling apart and disappearing for good. And then I met your brother. You and I called it love because that's what we both prayed it would be, so we could finally end up sisters. But that fell apart horribly after 5 grueling months of tears and fights that seemed endless. And after it was finally over, you still stuck by me. I clung to you like a child to it's mother, just as I always had just more so now in my time of pain. But as the year progressed and I got over Him, you grew further from me. I was hurt and confused by the distance wedging itself between us and tried in vain to get close to you again. And when you found someone new to be your best friend I fell to pieces. For months I wrote letters I would never send, made calls that were blatantly ignored, and even went as far as making anonymous Facebook statuses of our inside jokes just to show how much I missed you. But it only angered you more until it got to the point where your entire family despised my very existence. It killed me. My best Guy friend did his best to comfort me, now taking on the role of best friend and all I had left. I'd given up everything just to be your friend again. THAT is how much you meant to me. Weeks later, I passed you in the hall and made an effort to simply wave. You stared at me as if I was a complete stranger then walked away. I went to my only friend and did my best not to lose it. With time, I found love in my new best friend. He learned everything about me, protected me, comforted me, and loved me all the same. As he liked to say " We're still best friends, I just get to kiss you now." And I told myself it was paradise. But as loving and compassionate as he was, no one can replace a best girlfriend. It's, simply impossible. So now, I'm closing your chapter in my life. It was far too long and now it's over. So thank you for doing what you did while it lasted. I'm sorry I was so aggressive about the situation. Happy trails old friend.
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