Betraying A Friendship

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Jake and Amy have been best friends for three years and it doesn't take long for the two of them to fall for each other. After going out for a while Jake's father tells him that they're returning to Spain.
This is Amy's goodbye to Jake

Submitted: March 31, 2012

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Submitted: March 31, 2012

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There’s something comforting about having someone, who knows you well enough they don’t need to ask you if you’re okay to know that you aren’t.
The one thing about it is when someone knows you that well; they could ruin your life in a second.
I couldn’t have taken my eyes off him if I wanted to, he was that person, he knew me better then I knew myself.
That’s what made it so hard when he left. Funny thing was he never expected the question I asked him just before he walked out.
I stared at Jake with wide eyes. I didn’t know what I should feel anger, pain, betrayal or maybe hatred.
 “I’m sorry” he whispered, I could feel a tear running down my face as I saw the sadness in his eyes. You were never supposed to mean this much to me I wanted to say the words and hope he’d stay but I knew he wouldn’t so I kept them to myself.
“People say that hate is such a strong word…” I whispered picking the petals off the rose I held in my hand “but so is love, yet people throw it around like it’s nothing” I felt his hand on my chin as he lifted my face so he could look into my eyes. I could see anger lining his face and I knew what he was going to say before the words came out of his mouth.

 “I’ve always loved you, but it's not the same anymore”  I wanted to feel angry, I wanted to shout at him that he got what he wanted from me, and now he was leaving.  I wanted to believe that Jake was just another guy who wanted sex and nothing else, it would make it easier to hate him, and hating Jake, would make it easier to let go but he wasn’t like that. I could tell you all the things that had happened, from dancing with no music in the middle of a park to crying on his shoulder because I’d lost a friend.
But who was I to say he loved me?
Before all of this had begun Jake and I were best friends, everyone joked about us someday dating, and we both laughed and shrugged it off.
 I’ve known Jake for three years, since he moved to this school. And now, he’s father was making him move to Europe, I’ve always teased Jake about someday going back. I never thought it would really happen. Falling in love with him was never meant to happen, there were so many things between us that were never meant to happen. Sometimes I looked into his eyes and I really did believe he loved me but maybe I was dreaming up a fairytale.
“I’m going to miss you” The words rang with so much truth that Jake had to smile.
“I’ll miss you too” He pulled me in for a hug. My heart skipped a beat as I felt his arms close around me, and I could feel the tears coming back.
“You’re my best friend” he said, and soon half of me is going to be gone I wished he would say the words. I’d made so many wishes about so many things, but most of all I wished we hadn’t gone down this path; I didn’t want to feel this pain. I was losing a boyfriend and a best friend all at the same time.
“I know” I replied, holding him closer for a moment before letting go and taking a step back. “I’m sorry” I wiped the tears off my face and tried to laugh “I’m being silly” Jake gave me an affectionate smile, and I could feel butterflies in my stomach. I cursed myself under my breath because I didn’t want to feel this way.
“There isn’t anything to be sorry about” he said, He paused for a moment then looked me in the eye, suddenly unsure.  “What was your favourite part of all this?” I frowned; I wasn’t sure how to answer it. What wasn’t there to like? I liked the way he smiled at me and teased me about the stupid things I did. I liked the way he held me and made me feel beautiful, even though it seemed like the rest of the world didn’t see me the same way. 
I looked into his eyes, I mean really looked, normally I couldn’t see past the blue but this time I could swear there was worry and insecurity in them. His brass coloured hair was too long and blew into his eyes. I smiled, finding my answer.
“I loved all the Spanish lullabies you sang me” We both smiled this time. Jake didn’t often sing them and that’s probably what made them so important. I watched as Jake picked up his bag, this entire break up felt like something out of a movie. But I knew it wasn’t, because if it was then I’d know why I fell in love with my best friend. I would have notice that he didn’t love me but I’d been too caught up in thinking it was perfect.
“Jake?” There was one last thing I wanted to ask him, I just needed to know the answer. “Do you regret anything?”
I couldn’t read the emotion in Jake’s eyes and it unsettled me. “I just wanted to know…” I sounded like a frightened child.
“I’ve been in love with you since we met” He paused, and I knew he was thinking the same thing as me, what changed? “I just don’t know what happened” I nodded, it wasn’t the answer I wanted but it would have to do. It was the truth at least. I let him leave, I kept my mouth shut, and I kept my heart’s words to myself.
That was a year ago, Jake left a year ago, and I’m still waiting for him to come back. People still ask what happened between us; I just smile and tell them that somewhere down the road something changed.
 Something did change. I betrayed and lied to my best friend. I lied to him when I told him I saw him as just a friend the first time he questioned where we stood, I betrayed him by never calling after he left, but he didn’t call me either. And that’s okay with me.

He is the one boy who can get away with not calling me.

 


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