The Shaping of Loss

Reads: 181  | Likes: 1  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
The story of me losing my dad and how it shaped me.

Submitted: January 16, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 16, 2012

A A A

A A A


 

The Shaping of Loss
by David Emrich
The true story of me losing my father.
 
 
 
Introduction
 
This is no plea for attention, although perhaps some attention would be nice. This is merely a reccolection of memories regaurding losing 2 very 
 
important people in my life, causing me to lose others that cared about me. It's a funny thing how relationships ending can effect you without 
 
you even realizing it. And through a conversation I had last week, I really saw my reactions to losing these important people. This story will 
 
have two parts, the first one regaurding me losing my dad. Excuse and spelling mistakes, as I'm merely typing this in notepad.
 
Part 1; Losing my Dad
 
My Dad played a huge role in my childhood. When I was younger I looked at him as the strict one, the one that would make me do homework and play 
 
sports. He taught me how to read before I started kindergarten and had read harry potter before my first day of school. He taught me how to 
 
multiply, and I was ready for middle school by the end of first grade. I almost skipped a grade, but thank god I didn't. Before I was born, I was 
 
told by so many people that my Dad was a party animal. He was crazy, he was drunk all the time, he was reckless and all around irresponsible, 
 
which shocked me. When I was born, he shaped right up into one of the best parents in the world. He was responsible, successful, and all around a 
 
different person. I hated hearing he was a partier because I never saw it. I looked up to him as a responsible successful guy but I heard he was 
 
drunk every night and crazy, I hated it. So let's talk about my mom. When I was not yet alive, she married a man named Tony. Her and Tony had a 
 
little girl, named Andrea, my sister. Then they got divorced and Tony ran off. He's around now, 18 years later, and him and my sister have a good 
 
relationship. So Tony and my mom divorced, and my Mom met my dad. Now my Dad was quite the ladies man I heard, as he was a DJ in a roller rink. 
 
Him and my mom had a classic love story. So when my mom and dad got married, they had 4 kids. The first one was a boy, and he died while still 
 
inside of my mother. The second and third were twins, both of which also died inside my mother. My mother has an odd anatomy and because of it 
 
she wasn't sure if she would be able to have another kid. At this point my sister was 5 years old, and she remembers none of these siblings 
 
passing. It took a heavy toll on my mom and dad, but they managed to get pregnant one more time. This baby was Tyler, and when he was birthed, 
 
they immediately put him in an oxygen tent, and no one thought he would make it. I don't know any of the medical details, but this baby lived. 
 
The first night he was home, my mom and dad finally slept after weeks of worry. Suddenly, my dad woke up in the middle of the night, and rushed 
 
my mom and Tyler to get his name changed. Tyler Michael Emrich became David Eric Emrich Jr. named after my dad, David Eric Emrich Sr. Thus I was 
 
born. Now my mom and dad were two very different people, and argued a ton after I was born. My mom tells me I was the easiest baby in the world 
 
to raise, and Andrea my sister was a nightmare. My mom said I only cried when I was hurt and never any other time. I could sit alone in the 
 
middle of a room with no toys and play with my toes for hours. Andrea, cried constantly, demanded attention, threw fits and was the opposite. My 
 
dad told me my sister played a large role in my mom and dads divorce but I do not blame her at all, for my mom and dad, again, were two different 
 
people. My mom and dad divorced, leaving my sister growing up with 1 parent, my mom, and me going back and forth. My sister and I's relationship 
 
is a delicate thing, and always has been. My sister starves for attention, and has never had too many friends. I have always had plenty of 
 
friends and keep to myself, uncomfortable in the spotlight. Therefore, when I got attention, which I frequently did, my sister hated it and so 
 
did I. I was a smart kid, thanks to my father basically homeschooling me while I attended public school. I surpassed all the other kids by a ton, 
 
and frequently got into mischief and trouble out of shear boredom from my studies being too easy. I distracted other kids, stayed home weeks a 
 
time, and managed perfect grades. Around the time of 1st grade, my dad met Lisa, his soon to be wife. Lisa told me the story of how I was playing 
 
in a sandbox and would bury her hand and she would pull it out and I would die of laughter. I loved her, and so did my dad. She was a beautiful 
 
young lady, 30 years old with a job at a company called Biz Wonk. At the time my dad worked for Sun, a computer company in partnership with Java. 
 
So Lisa and my dad got married and I was the ring bearer at the wedding. I remember keeping my head on my shoes and hating walking down the isle. 
 
All in all I loved the wedding, I danced, hungout with my dads friends and was so happy to have an extra member of the family. My mom on the 
 
other hand, hated Lisa's guts. I don't understand women, but I think the idea of once sharing a man really pisses them off. My mom most likely 
 
was jealous that I had a second mom, which I could understand. Lisa and me were great, she'd pack my lunch, do everything for me. My mom on the 
 
other hand wasn't at all the same. She would ignore me and work constantly. I don't have many memories with my mom in my childhood besides 
 
vacations, which is what my mom is all about. With my dad I remember us making fires, cooking on the grill, playing catch, wrestling, watching 
 
football, and all the classic stuff. My mom was never there, but I was okay with that. My life was headed uphill, and things were great. I played 
 
baseball lacrosse, soccer, basketball, and was healthy and happy. Then came the downhill day. I remember sitting around the table at my dads old 
 
house in big ugly wooden chairs, and talking about 2 major subjects. This time must have been around 2nd grade. The first big part of the news, 
 
Lisa was pregnant. I was so happy, I must've peed myself. I would be a big brother! But then came the other news. My dad had Leukemia cancer. I 
 
didn't know what cancer was and my dad gave me a book to read about it. I didn't think anything of it to be honest. I was just going crazy about 
 
being a big brother. I remember waiting the long months through Lisas moodieness and just wanting siblings. We found out they were twins, boy and 
 
girl. I remember watching ultra sounds in my living room. With the twins, came a new house. I loved our old one, but our new one was bigger newer 
 
nicer and near a big construction site I would always play on with my neighborhood friends. Things generally stayed the same at my moms house 
 
with the coming and going of boyfriends and homes. Then the twins were born, and I was finally a big brother. I was 8 years older than my brother 
 
and sister, who were named Macalum (Mac) and Lillian (Lilly). My dads cancer worsened over the years and he grew weaker. He would always say no 
 
matter how weak or old he got, he would still kick my ass at wrestling, which was probably true. I visited hospitals with him over the years, 
 
thinking more and more of it. Then one day, he said the cancer was gone. We had a party at our house and that was it. Cancer was beaten, my dad 
 
had won. Some weeks later I was getting ready for bed. And as usual in 3rd grade, he tucked me in and said goodnight and hugged me. He told me he 
 
loved me then shut the door. I had no clue that was the last time I'd see him. I woke up the next morning to find only Lisa and the twins home, 
 
and she told me he went to the hospital late that night because he couldn't breathe, but he was fine now. He was gone for 2 long weeks. I knew 
 
something was wrong after a few days, and I got worried. Lisa and my mom met at a brueggers, and exchanged thoughts. I was to go to my moms for a 
 
few weeks untill my dad got better. I complied, and hated every minute of it. I asked multiple times to see my dad when things worsened, but my 
 
mom said no. I sat helpless in my room for a week or two, wanting to see my dad. I was having a sleepover with my friend Nick when my mom called 
 
me into her room. I sat on her ground with her boyfriend Mike, who she is now married to, and she said "Daddies passed" and burst out into tears. 
 
I cried for hours, so did my mom, and even Mike. My sister came upstairs and she cried too. We all cried together, feeling different about the 
 
loss. I always think, if anyone says "I know how you feel" they are utterly wrong. No one knows how anyone feels, because we all feel different 
 
all the time. School started the week after that, and my dads funeral was on a Friday, and my two best friends Nick and Lane came. When it came 
 
time for everyone to throw their roses into the casket, I kept mine. I didn't know why, I just did. After my dad was gone, I was always worried 
 
for my mom. I realized if she was to pass away, I'd be left without parents. I slept on her floor everyday for about a year. I must have felt 
 
like I Was protecting her. That's also the time when I dived into video games, specifically "World of Warcraft". It was sort of my escape to 
 
relieve pain from the real world. I remember wishing everyone would just act like it didn't happen. Everyone at school knew, all my teachers and 
 
kids, I hated it. But time passed, and everyone forgot. Besides me. I still cry sometimes, every few months or so. I think he deserves my tears. 
 
No one talks about him being gone anymore, and my friends get uncomfortable when I bring up memories of my father. I got the idea to write this 
 
story down today as I was crying. I was watching an episode of How I met your Mother, and I watched the episode where Marshalls dad died, and it 
 
was a big deal what his last words were. I remembered my dads last words being I love you to me, which was plesent. I was curious as to what 
 
happened with Lisa. Lisa took the death harshly, and after the funeral she cut me off from contact. Lately she's been responding to my texts 
 
though so I asked her what were the last words my dad said. I will quote this text exactly. "I was giving the twins a bath and he called before 
 
they were going to intubate him and I asked if I could call him back.. he said no they were going to do it in a couple of minutes. He said 
 
everything wil be okay and he loved us all. That was it. In the hospital when they brought him back to conciousness he would just mouth "home" 
 
....I regret so many times not talking to him that final time... but the twins were so little and unable to be in the bathtub alone.". I thought 
 
of what my dad must have been thinking, right before he knew he was going to die.. And I pictured him mouthing "home". After crying for a few 
 
hours, I decided that it was time I wrote this story down. I'm not going to proof read it, just put it out there. Throguh my dad dying, I've lost others. It's put me in a position of
 
pushing others away that care about me, and I've lost my brother and sister and Lisa, who refuses to meet with me.  Anyone who doesn't know me, can 
 
now know where I came from. What has shaped me, and where I'm headed. Thanks for reading, and I'll finish part 2 soon. Take from this story what 
 
you will, but I hope that you go tell your parents how much you love them.


© Copyright 2018 David Emrich. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

Booksie 2018 Poetry Contest

Booksie Popular Content

Other Content by David Emrich

The Shaping of Loss

Short Story / Non-Fiction

Popular Tags