What It's Like to be the Victim

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  House: Booksie Classic
If only I knew the things I do now...everything would've turned out different.

Submitted: June 25, 2010

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Submitted: June 25, 2010



As soon as he came at me, I knew it was over. The anger and horror twisted in his eyes terrified me to the bone. I didn't know what to do. There's nothing I could do. This was it. I was going to die by the hand of my true love. I never thought the end of my life would be so tragic.

The look on his face as he came at me was something like a dream. Everything after that felt so surreal. The pain...the agony. Maybe it was just me. Maybe I couldn't accept the fact that he was going to kill me because I was trying to save us. He'll be losing me after all.

I tried to calm myself down and accept what was coming, but the screams continued to pour out. "Frederick, Please don't! I didn't mean to do it!" He apparently didn't like that comment and punched me in the mouth with all his strength. I could've sworn my jaw broke. I swallowed nearly half of my teeth as my mouth filled with blood.

Who am I kidding? Of course I meant to do it. I cheated on him on purpose. What else was I going to do? I was losing him, I could feel the space in between us growing each day. I had to get his attention somehow, I had to get him to run back to me. Well it looks like I succeeded. I got him to run back to me, but with anger and a goal to finish me off for good.

I knew he had a temper but I never thought it would get this bad. Was my decision really worth it now? Should I have just let the space between us grow until I had completely lost him? No. I wouldn't have standed for it. I had lost him once before to another girl when we were in high school for a short time, and thankfully I was able to get him back. I wasn't going to lose him again, no matter what the consequences were. Even if it was death. Here I am now, facing my fate.

As he ripped my body apart, to fulfill his pleasure, the screams grew louder. I didn't know exactly what he was doing to me, but I didn't care. I was fine not knowing. I just wanted to die. Painful nerves constantly sent messages o my brain telling me the paiin was continuous. Fredrick, please stop. I know what I did was wrong. Im sorry...I'm sorry. The words constantly rang in my head. If only I could tell him how truely sorry i was.

Why can't our lives go back to the way they were? Remember when you loved me, when you used to hold me and tell me that you'd never let me go? And now you're the person murdering me. I know you still love me. You've got to. Fredrick please...I love you.

My head was now spinning. I was growing colder as i felt the blood drain out of my body. The agonizing pain had turned to numbness. I was only able to move my eyes and was able to meet his. The horror and anger that i saw in them before had been replaced with emptiness, like killing me wasn't enough. Did he even feel guilty? Will he ever?

It was getting colder by the second. I started to feel tired, no exhausted. Well what did I expect? Nothing. I expected nothing that was the point. I didn't think he'd get so mad at me. I thought his love for me would overpower his anger. That's where I made the mistake. I assumed things would be okay, that things would go on like nothing happened.

I was wrong, of course, I always am when I assume. Maybe I did deserve to die. Maybe I was never good enough for Frederick. Yes, that was it. I deserve to die and neer to be loved again. Maybe then, I'll be doing something right for once in my life.

My eyelids grew heavy, my blood nearly drained completely. In this last second, with my last dying breath, I exhaled, "I love you," and gave into the darkness. Suddenly my body went limp into sudden peace. I have died, and I hope one day he can find his peace too. Someday.

Death I had thought would be peaceful. This wasn't how I pictured it. I had thought I'd be full of relief, but all I could feel was anger, hatred. That person who had once told me he had loved me, stood over my once beautiful now horrid-looking body, which he destroyed with his own hands. A man that promised to keep me safe from harm, not cause it. It was disgusting just thinking about but what else could I think about?

This was the man I loved, still love. I've loved him ever since I was 10, and I knew from that moment on he was the one for me and no one else could have him. Not while I was alive.

Now everyone will think he never loved me and had planned to kill me from the beginning. But they were wrong. He did love me, more than I deserved. If only I had known that before I had made my fatal mistake, we could still be together.

I never thought I would see him again. I watched him as he poured out his sorrow to me, repeatedly asking my forgiveness for what he had done to me. The hardest thing was I knew he was telling me the truth. I knew how sorry he was because little did he know that I watched him beat himself up in prison. I watched him write letters to my mother trying to explain how sorry he truely was.
I couldn't take it. I didn't deserve his apologies. I didn't deserve to be reunited with him for eternity, to enjoy our happiness again. so I left him, for good.

My sweet Frederick, do you remember your best friend, Anthony? Remember that time we went to the lake with him and he was mauled by a bear? Well my dear I have something to confess, for you see, that isn't what happened.
I killed someone too, and that someone was Anthony. I had no other choice. He threatened to take you away from me, to kill me if I didn't leave you alone. I had to do it. I had to get rid of him before he could kill me first. I don't know how I got away with it for all those years but I did. I had to be with you no matter what.
So there you go my love, please understant that we can't be together again because, if you knew the truth, you would try to kill me again.

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