Sitting on the floor with her back against the bed, knees pulled in to her chest arms wrapped around her skinny frame left hand full of sleeping pills ready to dive right off the cliff from living to death. The fact that her daughter would be completely lost without never crossed her mind. The fact she had family who loved her and would never understand her taking her own life didn't either. The room was pitch black. It was so quiet it was almost scary. This house that was once filled with laughter and so much love. The house she thought they would someday grow old in. The House they made all their plans in. The House they both prayed for and almost thought they wouldn't get. This house was their blessing, their start and in just a matter of days this house had become her worst nightmare. It was a place she could no longer stomach. It was now going to be the House she ended her existence in. The swolleness of her eyes was conformation that she had cried to a point that there were no tears left to cry. Vision so blurred she wouldn't have been able to tell you how many fingers you were holding up if you were right in front of her. It was just her and numbness at this point. She felt physically ill. Head pounding from an extreme headache. She was weak and could barely move. If you didn't know any better you would have thought she was sick with some sort of illness. She had now slid down the side of the bed laying on her right side in the fetal position. She balled up her fist and in her anger began punching the upper part of her arms as hard as she could saying why? Why? The sound from her mouth came out slightly louder than a whisper. It was almost as if her crying had affected her voice and she just couldn't scream. She didn't know what day it was nor the time. Didn't know if it was day or night winter or summer her world had stopped. Emotions quickly shifted from feeling sorry for herself to rage. The man who professed his love to her. The man who she decided to let befriended her daughter. The man who dispite his hesitation to get involved became the only father her daughter ever knew. The man who had taken her home to meet his mother. The man she loved the past 7 years was gone just like that. 7 years and he didnt even had the decency to face me she said to the darkness of the room. The coward moved his things out day by day while she was away at work until today when she arrived home and the last of his cloths were gone. Just like that without her opinion, without a discussion, without so much as a goodbye her relationship status had been determined for her. What had she done to deserve this and how dare he. what was she going to do? Who would be her friend now? Who would she lay with at night? It was rage that caused her to pick up the Phone and call his mother and tell her how much she hated him. Tell her that she never wanted to see or hear from him agitation and wished nothing good would ever come to him. The fact that his mother told her that as a woman she understood her pain and that she was just as confused as didn't ease the pain. Seven days ago he mentioned marriage for the first time. They were both excited about the prospect of it. Two days later he wanted to talk. All of a sudden the relationship was no longer working for him and dispite every effort to talk about it, pray about it, figure out how they could work it out whatever it was today he had determined that he would no longer be a part of her life. She was confused as hell but had she been reduced to this? Killing herself? She was once the most desired woman in her circle of friends. An extremely successful club promoter who have become known worldwide. She had everything going for her. She had her pick of who she wanted to date and would rarely allow anyone to get close enough to hurt her and that is why this hurt so much. Suddenly the anger shifted to herself. Angry with for ever allowing someone to have that much control. There was no way she could call any of her friends not after discussing wedding get plans just days prior and her family would only bash him in an attempt to make her feel better and as much as she wanted do to bash him she just felt that wasn't what she needed at this moment. She had nowhere else to turn at this point. The embarrassment and shame she would have felt had she turned to a friend or family member was not an option plus she was just wrapping her mind around the situation herself. She wasn't prepared to face that humiliation. There was only one place to turn. She looked up to the heavens and began to pray. The prayer ended with a promise to God that she would never allow anyone that much control over her again. After that prayer she wasn't completely, not even slightly over the hurt but somehow knew that things would eventually be OK. She put her hand up on the bed till the grip was stable enough grip to slowly pull herself up. A couple of months went by and she was slowly coming to grips with the fact that she was now on her own and for the most part was making pretty good progress at moving on with life until she looked up and there he was right in front of her shopping cart at walmart. After all the ignored messages left and avoiding her as if she was some sort of stranger there they were face to face. There were so many things that needed to be said. Why are you doing this to me? I still love you, can't you come back and we work it out? All crossed her mind then there she was, his new girlfriend undoubtedly months along in her pregnancy and that is when it all became clear. His new girlfriend was able to give him something she never could. Due to complications during the pregnancy and birth of her daughter she would never have another child. He had always longed for a child and the fact that she wouldn't be able to produce had always put a strain on the relationship. The entire picture was painted for her right at that moment and she knew what had happened without him having to say a word. With that he said hello and hung his head and she repilied with a hello as if they were just two shoppers passing one another in a grocery store. She realized at that moment that she clearly knew nothing good about this man she thought she knew all about. They went their seperate ways without so much as a last glance.
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