Sunshine & Shadows

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
While I'd rather write fantasy I have the urge to write something from my own life. This is just a short diddle really of some feelings. I have had a life surrounded by drugs, alcohol and in recent years suicide. I'd like to write about it but because it's so out my comfort zone I get super nervous and think 'why would anyone want to read that?...' so here it goes, not an extract...simply a teaser.

Submitted: February 12, 2015

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Submitted: February 12, 2015

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You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are grey

You’ll never know dear

How much I love you

So please don’t take my sunshine away…

 

 

You’re supposed to be my Granny, I’m supposed to be your only sunshine. But all I get is a hag who causes cold, unforgiving storms. Is it the alcohol? Is it the pain from losing him? Did it numb your heart….did it shatter it? You’re the most important person in the world to me…without you, without you I don’t know who I am. The strength of character I possess is your doing. You built my pride, nurtured my heart, set alight my passion for life. You tried to shelter from the evils of this world – the cold shadows where innocence would be sucked by the parasites.

 

You tried for my mother. But she was lost to the shadows and now I believe is a willing slave. Like a puppet she dances in a swirling land of echoes and memories, thinking she’s free and in control… she doesn’t see the strings nor the master that controls them. For if those strings were to break she’d find death as her new master. He is less indulgent than your drug. He is cold. He is final.

 

Yet… yet death does not scare me, death sings the lullaby of rest. To put my soul out into the night, to sleep a slumber never to be woken. To reunite with lost ones I long for.

 

But it’s the memory of your warmth, Granny, which keeps me from his cold hands. It’s the memory of your strength that keeps my heart on guard. You are fading. But I will not break. You taught me better. You made me stronger. The demons that haunt us will not claim me, not while I have breath to fight, not in those weak moments in the dead of night.

 

I am free and I have no strings like my mother. I call no drug my master and death is not my owner. I’m just a girl alone in this world but I promise you I will not give in. One day I’ll have my own sunshine and I will think kindly of you, Gran. If you hadn’t taken me in, the shadows would have.


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