the unimportant one

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
this is just misc it goes along the lines of my thoughts today..my curiosity..and my i guess mental capability to comprehend myself

Submitted: July 03, 2008

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Submitted: July 03, 2008

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thoughts of unfairness and loathing and of hatred filled me all day today..not outward destroy the world and the sheep within it hatred but the realistic kind that burns your eyes and boils in your blood..the kind of hate that throbs almost unbarible inside your body like its just barely below your skin waiting for the right reason to break free and take over..the kind of hurt and angry hatred that seeps slowly through you and makes you irritated and angry and causes you to do things u would not normally do and say things way meaner to a friend or family member then u could take back in 3 lifetimes the kind of anger that makes you feel like 1000 pound bull tied to a post with a crowd of people in red around you..and makes your head ache and your body sore and leaves you wanting to hurt someone ..to find any random person and hurt them..hurt them for the hurt you have ..for the poverty,the anger the hurt,the hunger you suffered..the injustice and unfairness of the world to you that they couldnt possibly understand..,and this intense loathing and anger gave way to an exhaustion beyond anything physically describable.the feeling of being the age of the universes creator..feeling the aches the pain the fear and the loneliness of thousands and thousands of years upon your shoulder as if you yourself lived each day of them.the way u wake up but dont wake up in the morning..the way you movein constant pain but yet you donot move at all..your mechanical but forgeting the things you do each hour of life and then it seems like you draw a blank and start over every morning the same long unending and un beginning new outfit new make up new hairstyle then the previous day but nothings really changed and it drones on and on and on and you feel it..that sense of being no-one..having no idea of who you are what you are or will be..your that one they look at funny..that one they force smiles for..that one every one of your freinds barrows money from,comes to eat at your house use yur stuff barrow your life your money food drinks clothes and dates,you have no dreams no ambtions..you look in the mirror and your almost 20 and u have no work no boyfreind no life and you cant see yourself in 5 months turning 20..you cant picture your face even as you look at it in the mirror..its not yours not your sad grey eyes that were once so blue and green and grey they were oceans (in a friends words.the prettiest ocean eyes ever)..skin so pale white its lik death..that used to be peachy and full of life..your hair long and wavy and viberant now hung loose and messed up on your shoulders..and your smile that made people smile..they just dont exist anymore..your hungry but you wont eat..dont want to eat..your tired but you lay awake not thiking not talking just staring out the window blank all night..your forgotten..tired and unimportant..thats me ..the unimportant one.and today is just another unimportant day to me  .but happy 4th of july everyone..^_^


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