Patient saves doctor

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a short story of a emotionally abusive marriage.Hopefully some of you will associate and tell me your own experiences or if you know anyone who does

Submitted: March 26, 2015

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Submitted: March 26, 2015

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Patient saves doctor

 

Many women in this world look for a man that has already his life together, that he can offer protection, emotional and financial support, ready for a family and love kids or learn to accept kids from a different marriage/ relationship. Most of us look for comfort, and sometimes we compromise and put our lives and goals on hold even when the marriage is sitting on the edge of a breaking point, we accept disappointment and betrayal or often physical and emotional abuse because COMFORT IS BETTER THAN THE UNKOWN.

And so we stay there, perfectly aware of the never ending/changing situation, afraid to step out of the comfort zone because life out there is scary, not knowing whether someone is going to reach out and help you, whether people are going to judge you or your family is going to accept your failure. Because in the end it is considered your failure most of the time, '' you should have listened'' – ''you moved too fast'' - ''I told you he was bad'' – etc. Chances are there was someone out there that saw the signs you didn't and they warned you about but you didn't see it that way and it was so good that you felt it was almost impossible and he was the one you've been waiting for. ''But he loves my kids!'' - '' He's a good provider, he puts food on the table and let's me go shopping!'' There are plenty excuses we fool ourselves with in order to not step out and accept it's not enough ; the simple fact that he doesn't hit us must mean that he loves us. At some point you will consider that you are absolutely insane and you really are the problem, you are the one that expects too much instead of being grateful for not being worse. This is going to be a detailed story of a troubled woman, saved by a troubled boy. A story that if someone would have read to me I would probably think there's no way this could happen, but if there's one thing I have learned about this life is that everything is absolutely possible.

First of all what is going to be narrowed in this documentary should I call it : the stages and explanatory meanings based solely on different experiences and not researched. As well this is based on stories, people in my everyday life and basic knowledge of abusive partners. Things, people and opinions vary obviously, so this might sound logical to some as it might sound absolutely ridiculous to others. The stages of this troubled experience that i'm going to write of a metaphorically called ''Patient saves doctor'' are : 1. Falling for the perfect. 2. First hit. 3. Denial. 4. The blame. 5. Associate. 6. Experiment. 7. Acceptance. 8. Eventually letting go. 1. Falling for the perfect . Names will be changed and so I will be using code names for each of my characters in order to keep and protect the privacy of my storyline and the people presented in it. The main character's name is Eva. Eva grew up surrounded by people that constantly put her down, difficult decisions and events led her to always be insecure and incapable of achieving any of her dreams or goals until a very late age. She found love in all the wrong places and fun in all the dangerous and challenging situations. It didn't took long in her teenage years until she found alcohol and drugs as a solution to everything, as well as letting the fear of loneliness associate with all the wrong people. Eva used to be shy, but as soon as she reached for the first glass of alcohol she eventually felt comfortable enough to any kind of situation. She was often lonely and misunderstood that she ended up in very uncomfortable places just to be in any place at all. She didn't care for life much, reason why suicidal thoughts were often present as a normal casual everyday routine. A lot of bad decisions, moving from state to state, never having a stable relationship, being almost emotionally unreachable , Eva was what I now consider the perfect bad girl. She always cheated, she loved being wanted, she loved being loved, she ruined marriages and didn't had no boundaries or values, all together she was a disaster. So when Eva met Dave, an even more troubled kid, her life took a completely different patch. Being tired of failure and no future plans, finding this amazing person who cared so much and made her feel like everything had finally a purpose , she fell deeply. And quickly. Everything was perfect, he held her hand, he opened doors, he'd find any excuses to see her at least once a day, he'd call her and text her constantly sometimes both in the same time, he took her places and bought her everything she wanted, he offered everything a woman ever dreamed of. It all started so perfectly that it seemed too good to be true. And we all know when it seems to good to be true it usually is. A couple of weeks in the beautiful relationship, Dave proposed Eva to move in together so they could see each other every day without all the obstacles that they encountered, him not having a car, her job during the night, living about 20 minutes apart, etc . With that being said, Dave often joined Eva at her job, asked her to spend even more time with him, and of course she found that perfectly reasonable because that's what people do when they love each other; they can't wait to see each other, the waiting time always seems too long , and so she didn't really make a big deal out of it. As she also didn't make a big deal out of the constant need to know where she was at all times, why she took more than 5 minutes to answer, why did any other male friend had to talk to her and they all soon disappeared from her friend's list; Eva never heard of emotional abuse and its stages or actions, she just thought it was a very deep love and fear of loosing her, because she was as he used to say ''too good for him''. And so the perfect relationship quickly turned into an insecure, faithless and always questioning relationship. He was introduced at first to the friends and family as the most perfect partner, adored by everyone with his charming childish ways , and so when things started to change and that perfect man wasn't as perfect anymore, she refused to tell anyone and she kept it for herself, not being able to admit that her prince wasn't exactly the good one. However, it turned out to be her savior somehow and you'll soon understand why. Eva fell in love with Dave so deeply that it made her realize everything she has done in her life was wrong, and she started working on herself and all the poor decisions she took, she realized how much lies hurt and how much can one person destroy you by treating you as badly as she always have. She knows you can't fix the past, you can't take back all the pain you cause, you can't undo what's already done but with a lot of love and faith , you can try to be better. She has always been the black sheep of the circle that surrounded her, and she has always thought that the world was so unfair to her, she was too young to understand and accept that she was slowly creating that on her own. Although sometimes life is unfair, and no matter how good you are you still have to face the cruelty of the outside reality, but more than often we do end up creating bad around ourselves. 2. First hit. - It all starts with that first punch in the gut, that first deception, when you feel like the whole world crushed on you; not being able to understand where it came from or why did it happen. In Eva's perfect relationship that wasn't something supposed to happen, she changed for Dave so much and she gave him everything; she thought that she was enough and that he felt the same way. But she was so in love with him that she accepted all the apologizing and promises of never letting something hurt her that way, and so she forgave him and tried to build trust again. Trust is a very complicated argument for her, but she wanted this to be the last man on earth for her, she desired a life with him because she felt for him something she never felt before. She felt fear of losing, fear of never finding the same strong connection she had with him, and most of all she feared it was her last chance to happiness because she never felt so sure of wanting to make a drastic change in her life and become the best person she could be. Trying to repair all she has done wrong, understanding how much pain she created around those who actually cared for her, she forgave him and didn't give up on her dream of becoming someone to be proud of instead of the one that constantly people had to feel bad for. She took everything she had, mainly her strength and spirit and moved far far away from her comfort zone where she knew everyone, to a place where all she had was him. Hoping to start fresh and make a new life, she left everything behind and put her faith first along with the love she had for him in order to achieve her dream. 3. Denial. - Just a few weeks in, other hits came. Just this time was different because she had no one to tell, no one to cry to, all that was there for her was him; but he was the same one that caused all the pain. It went on for a long time like that. Sometimes she could barely even sleep, she'd wake up screaming, she again started to abuse alcohol just to make things even worse. She constantly tired to end her life , leave, but go where? There was no place for her to go. She saw her situation a never ending pain with no solution. Nothing could save her , even with all the bad things he was doing to her she kept believing every single time it was the last time and he wouldn’t put her through that again. Despite her conscious knew it was never going to change, she stayed there; for the love of him, for the fear of failing again. What was the entire world going to think? That she failed again; that it was her fault again. She was just going to lose everything she worked hard for and go back to be the same heartless girl from before. No, it wasn't an option, it had to work somehow because she needed that life she was preparing for; it couldn't end there. It went on for a long time like that, every time it was supposed to be the last time. She held so strong onto that because it was her last hope. It eventually only got worse mainly because he got comfortable with her being there no matter what, her feelings didn't matter, the pain she was in every day he couldn't understand or care much for. There was always an excuse behind all of it, a motive and most of the time he'd accuse her for his actions, it was everyone's fault but his. The past kept calling and she couldn't understand why; it was because it was always getting an answer, it was always there with them every day. They lived into a trio kind of story. 4. The blame. - It was her fault. She started blaming herself for all she has done in the past. It was definitely karma getting back at her or God's way of punishing her for all the past mistakes. After all she entered in a relationship with a married man. Separated, but still married. No matter how much he's told her how much he suffered from it and how badly she treated him and affected his life and career, she should have known better and not go just for his side of story. She thought it was her place to save him from it, to comfort him and show him the good side of love, acceptance and forgiveness. He needed to be saved and helped healing, given affection and love to the fullest and maybe he would understand that the relationship life is not all bad. Maybe if she showed him that he could feel safe with her it would eventually mean something to him and changed his ways of destroying lives around him. She tried to bring peace and kindness in their lives and help him ; hoping that with love and forgiveness they could make it. After all he was the reason she changed; he who made her find a purpose in that meaningless life. Unknowingly he saved her while she was trying to save him. 5. Associate . - Eva found guilt in everything Dave was doing . After all she used to do the same things in her past life, she associated with him and found it ironic how much they were alike if they were the same age. She was only 3 years older than him but it was only the last year that changed her; so she gave him time. Maybe that's what he needed, taking things slowly , with help and support and a lot of faith he would come around as she did. Years ago it used to be exactly the same for her, she was given plenty of chances to change but she didn't until love hit her. Love for the person she was becoming, forgiving and sincere, love for the man that made her see all she never wanted to be anymore. Every time he did something wrong affected her less and less and wasn't as surprising anymore; it became just a matter of time until the next hit. Things started to come out without even looking for them anymore, it became the most horrible habit. 6. EXPERIMENT.- As things weren't changing and didn't seem to find the right solution she started to experiment different strategies with Dave. She tried to find things he liked, what would make him happy, giving him space when he was angry; compromise and do things as he wanted, not denying him sex whenever he felt like it, bringing sparks and constantly keeping him occupied. If she would do all that maybe he would not feel the need to look for comfort in other places; maybe if she tried to fill in all the empty spots in his life he would eventually settle just for her. Dave had a passion for dirty pictures that Eva didn't share but it eventually became something she accepted just for the sake of keeping her now finally husband. Yes she married him despite everything, in a small ceremony with two witnesses on a beautiful lake view shore; they both cried as they said yes, she of happiness, he who knows what for. Marriage didn't mean anything to her until that point, the sacred union and the vows you make in front of God, the importance of keeping them and work hard through all obstacles that come with marriage. Everything did now, it felt to her like a second chance to life; a chance to make everything matter and cherish every moment good or bad. 6. ACCEPTANCE. - A year went by since Eva moved to another country for the love of her partner, yet nothing ever got better; bad kept happening, she only lived in fear and denial. The man that was supposed to protect her and find comfort in was the same man that put her down in every possible way. The confidence she had was all gone, the bright smile she shared with the world and the colorful laugh were all burned like an old lamp; she became a shadow living behind what the closed doors were hiding. Dave wasn't always bad. He bought her stuff, he more than often made sure she had everything she needed; he was fun and made her feel important sometimes. Every time he was caught cheating or doing something wrong and he feared her leaving him, things were going so great for a couple of weeks; usually about two weeks. Bringing flowers, writing love notes, saying how much he was scared of losing her. Doing everything for her so he can bring her back to the same pedestal even higher than last time from where he'll soon throw her off again. It was a never-ending roller-coaster of emotions and events that tormented and confused her every single day. She got used to it; nothing was bad enough to leave him anymore. He didn't abused her physically, he only punched around her, doors and walls, he only drove recklessly to scare her; not really intentionally hurt her . That was what she grabbed onto. Those pathetic excuses that she constantly found for him and so she just accepted it was just going to be that way. Dave was still so important to her, if anyone would say something about him she'd quickly deny it and defend him. Despite every one she saw including her psychologist were telling her, it couldn't have been true. They didn't really knew him that way, they didn't see his good side too; he wasn't all that bad. 7. - Eventually letting go. - Easy to say hard to do. It always works that way. If we could follow our own advices things would be so much different. But we usually are so good at seeing people from the outside and advise them what should be best to do but when it comes to ourselves it gets a little more difficult. Words are always easier than actions, it's a proven fact. I guess life is harder from our own point of view . Eva is still there, to this day. They are seeing marriage counselors, individual therapists, going to church every Sunday; working both their issues, he with his addictions, her with all the damaged pieces she has left to rebuild their marriage. She knows consciously that it's either time to let go or try harder to get passed it and learn to forgive again and restore her faith. She doesn't want a divorce, fighting for the life she wants with him is her only option right now. She still adores this man, and she still thinks that one day he will eventually let go to his addictions like she did for him. This story is still being written. Getting out of an abusive relationship is harder than any other type of relationship. Rebuilding yourself after all the damage takes a lot of time; learning to live again and restore faith is a big challenge. Not many understand it and too few people even know they are being abused. The typical first signs point triggers to those who know the definition of it; to those who don't it only seems like excessive love and they are mesmerized from it. Constant need to know where you are or with who, friends disappearing one by one or even family members that you push away unconsciously because they don't understand; feeling trapped and only have him who to turn to, the anger that he will convince you that you caused it, the blame you take for everything, the feeling that you're the crazy one, etc. Too many factors that usually don't hit the alarm bell until it's too late. There is hope and there are ways to let go, But Eva still to this day did not figured them out. She is still there fighting against her demons for the love of her husband and they're happy life together. - TO BE CONTINUED -


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