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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
a brief account of looking for love online

Submitted: October 25, 2013

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Submitted: October 25, 2013

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I was looking online. I didn't have much else I'd rather be doing. So I decided to search for a woman named Janica from Butterfield, South Dakota. The town is small enough and the name is not so common that I found only one result. Her pictures were visible.

I learned about her from my acquaintance-friend, Thomas. Thomas and I met online. He trolls craigslist and a few other sites looking for his one true love. If a girl meet all of handful certain criteria, Thomas says he knows he will fall for her. (Incidentally, I meet all.) There have been several women that Thomas has told me about, ex's and potential love interests. He's a nice enough man, smart with a respectable job. He also knows how to treat people. But he's not the most handsome man, as if that mattered. And he is too old for me.

After one potential love interest fell by the wayside, he started mentioning how things with Janica were picking up. The thing is, she's married and has a young daughter. According to everything he's written online, Thomas would never think of exchanging in that sort of affair--the kind with lying and sneaking. From the dealings I've had with men, online and in general, I've learned that yearning for sex can make many of them reassess their professed values. It came as little surprise, then, that Thomas decided to buy a ticket to South Dakota to meet Janica in person (while her husband was away, naturally).

I already know that they didn't really hit it off. I know that she isn't as good looking in real life as she is in her pictures, where she actually appears quite plain to me. I know she's sad and claims to dislike her husband. I know she has no money, unlike Thomas. But he didn't like her as much as he had hoped, to her disappointment as well. Although they probably won't end up having the relationship either of them hoped for, I now know of this stranger and can easily find out more about her.

She is real. Her daughter is real. Her husband is real. I have seen them all, smiling in those family photos. They don't look unhappy, as I was told. Sure, people try to put the best images of their lives available for all to see, but she looks as though she is still happy a good part of the time.And I see her daughter, who was not very old. In the picture I've been looking at, she is so happy--so cute. In such a playful pose, no one could think anything was wrong. And perhaps nothing is from her point of view. In some photos, she smiles in her father's arms. All they project is mutual love. Her face, unlike her mother's, must be as smooth and flawless as it appears in the pictures. Does that little girl have any idea? Did she see Thomas at all come to visit her mom? Did she know they discussed a potential life with the three of them together: her, her mother, and Thomas in place of her dad? Nothing is those photos give any indication that she knew, but they were all taken before.

Keep in mind, Thomas isn't a bad guy. He helped me when I needed someone to discuss my troubles with. He doesn't rush to judgement. He can be rather wise. He really is a pretty decent person, and I don't hold all this against him. If he has a flaw it's that he's too eager for love. Eager enough to buy a ticket to faraway town. Eager enough to alter his high ideals. Eager enough to prowl the internet throughout the night.

I am also too eager for love. Before, I wouldn't have believed it, but now I know, again, that that's true. If I wasn't, I would be doing the stuff I really need to be doing, instead of wasting time on the internet trying to take my mind off of the one I love. Instead of stalking Janica, who I'm hardly connected to.

I suppose I'll have to write Thomas again for more advice. I'm hardly connected to him either. Heaven forbid I reach out to the man that I love.


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