Charcoal Consciousness (Diary Entry 2)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
Destiny Sanders learn another of lifes lessions, but for Destiny will this mean more pain....

Submitted: January 10, 2009

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Submitted: January 10, 2009

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The summer of Ella left a mark in my life, if my life was a novel then I guess you would call it a chapter or on a smaller level a part, so on that note this is part two. Not a day goes past whenI don't think about my silver eyed love, my Ella, it has been a year since she was taken from me, it still feels like just yesterday when I fell in love with her, but on a sad note it beging the same day I lost her it sometimes makes me whish I could block it all out,or maybe just maybe everything that happened after the kiss, I still live in Hope Falls, well of cause I do where else would I go anyway. I miss Ella so much it hurts, but as they say time waits for no man, well woman in my case, there had to be a reason why I lived, so right now I have to keep living if not for me then for her and for a wonderful dad, I still havn't told him about how much my feelings had grown, how they had grown into more then friendship, I am scared I guess after all he is a guy, I don't think he would understand, godI wish you were here mum, I need a woman to talk to, why don't you come back and give me guidence, god knows I need a lot of it, Somehow I knew I was not going to get my wish, I'm in a time of need and I feel I have no one to turn to, I'm surronded by people, so why do I feel so alone, It's been a full year, where the hell did the rest of it go, did I just cry it away, Why do I have to be that person again, the person that Ella made me forget about, I hate being me without her, maybeI should stop being a stupid sook and just grow up, thats what i need but how do I when everything hurts so much. I shoud think about going back to school, home schooling is no fun, then again either is school without Ella, I will go back to school but not right now, I'm not ready for that kind of pressure, On a lighter subject I got my old room back, Don't quite feel right being back in it but I'm warming to it, warming maybe that's not the right word but too late it's out there now so moving on, I'm getting used to the idea slowly, very slowly.

I am Destiny Sanders and this is my life after Ella Dodson

"Dad, my black shirt, do you um know where,,,, ah fuck,, um" I said as I went through the clothes basket, "DAD, DAD,do you know where my black shirt is" I continued, as i walked down the hall towards the lounge room "which one Des, most of your shirts are black" he replied by nowI was in the lounge room, dad was sitting on the lounge watching a bunch of men chassing after a ball on the TV, "My um tank top, you know the one with thepurple um trim, or whatever you bloody call it", After about too seconds of no reply I said "ahmm Dad can you get your head out of the TV for a second, It's rude" he turned and smiled at me "You sounded just like your mum then sweetie, now what were you saying,, oh yeah your black pants" I shock my head "no no dad not pants my tank top" he smiled again but before he could say itI jumped in "and yes I checked in the basket, it was the first place I looked, look don't worry I will find it later" I smiled at him "I'm going for a walk ok dad" He turned to face the TV again and said "ok hun have fun" I walked out the front door, the sun was hiding behind some freaky looking clouds, ah great, just my luck it looks like it's going to rain, I ren back inside "Jus,,,,,,,,,ttt getting a jacket" I said as i ran down the hall to my room, before he could say ok sweetie I was back outside, The sky looked weird, like a paiting, in the distance I could see rain, just as long as it stay's in the distance, it will be alright I thought to myself, I decided to walk to Flinders park, which was where I had been going every day since Ella passed, I still deep down could feel her presence whenever I went to the park, it was hard to be not that far from where she died, but I needed to feel close to her and for me being that we were together for such a short time, it was all I had, since her death I never dreamed about her like i did in the lead up to the end, I never told my dad that I had been having nightmares of the accident almost everynight, only just this morning I woke up in a sweet, I was at the point where I started to think maybe I could have saved her, if only I realised what my dream had been about, maybe then she would still be here today.

After laying on my back in the park for half an hour,I found myself driffting of to sleep, yet again I had the same kind ofdream, that woke me in a sweat in the morning, but it was different, I was back in the car just after the accident had happened, everything else was the same Dean laying dead in the front seat, Freddy out but still breathing, I looked athim for a few minutes, I looked past him out the window in the direction of where Ella was laying, as I looked I could see a large black shadow standing beside her, the shadow streched out it's hand and pointed it toward me, as I was watching it I noticed that Freddy was beginng to move I got out of the car to see if the charcoal coloured man was still there, I slid across the seat and got out of the car, as I did I felt a cold shiver run down my spine, then I cold hear heavy breathing coming from behind me, I was too scared to turn around so I ran to the front of the car, then turned to face who or what ever was behind me, standing there was the charcoal coloured man, he looked like he was around nine maybe ten feet tall, I thought that was imposable, but then remembered I was in a dream, a sence of relief fell over me, what are you doing Des dreams can't hurt you I thought to myself, I was doing a lot of that as of late, maybe I am cracking up, I looked over at where the charcoal man was and noticed that he was bent over and reaching into the car, I realised that he, or it, was not pointing at me, no he was pointing at freddy, I could not see what was happening inside the car, a second latter IT got out of the car, I could see something red in it's hands, I walked closer to IT, but asI didIT threw the red thing at me, it landed at my feet, I slowly looked down, laying on the ground was a bloody heart, I steped back and screamed out at the top of my lungs, Then I realised I was standing in Flinders park, screaming like a crazy person, "wow you have quite a loud scream there" said a voice that wascoming from behind me, I turned and standing there was Freddy "oh" he said "it's you Desthe Les" I looked at him "Piss off Fred" he looked at me "look I just wanna say sorry about how I treated you on that day" with that he turned and started to walk away "Hang on wait" I said, he stopped and turned around "Um do you um have any strange dreams about that day" he smiled and said "yeah I have dreams about you and Ella making out" he laughed, I glared at him "neither mind, jerk, like I said before piss off", this timeI turned and walked away "so I guess you don't want to suck me then" he yelled at me across the park, I raised my hand up and stuck my finger up at him "In your dreams Freddy" I said as I walked across the road and headed back home.

It was dark by the time I got home, maybe somwhere around eight o'clock, as I walked through the door Dad called out to me "Des is that you" I let out a sigh "Yes dad it's me, who else would it be" a second later he came into the lounge "Is everything ok sweetheart, you missed dinner" I smiled, but I don't think it looked real, cause it didn't fell real "Yeah everything is ok dad" he looked as if he did not beleive me, "That look don't fool me Des, your mother had the same look when something was on her mind, so out with it" There was something on my mind alright, but I could not tell him that I was missing Ella and that I was in love with her, well not was I still am, "Dad I,,,, um no I'm fine" He smiled "ok just remember you can talk to me about anything ok" he ran his hand through my hair like he did whenI was younger" I smiled back at him, "Ok, im going to bed now" he nodded his head"ok Des, see you in the morning then", I turned and walked down the hall into my bedroom, and threw myself on my bed, I grabbed at he pillow and pushed my face into it, and cryed myself to sleep, not knowing whyI was crying in the first place, the dream started where it left off, The heart at my feet was still beating, I looked back at the tall dark thing,IT had a pitch black cape with a hood, his face was blacked out except for his bright white eyes, they were bright like headlights on a car, the first thought that poped into my head was that he or IT had to be death,the Dark Knight of the dead, It was easier to just call IT 'The Charcoal Man' I walked to where Ella's body was, I just had to see her face again, her beautiful silver eyes, I knelt down near her, I picked up her lifeless hand, it was frezzing cold, I leaned in and kissed her lips that had turned blue, "goodbye my love" I whispered, when I stood up I could feel the cold eyes of the charcoal man watching me, as i turned I saw too black wings spread out, and a second latter he vanished into thin air.

Finaly I woke up without screaming or being soaked in sweat, I dropped my legs over the side of my bed, and stood up, I looked at my calendar and noticed it was the day, the day my life changed, a year ago today, was the day my life fell apart, today was not going to be a good day, not a good day at all, it was the day I fell in love and lost Ella, I sat back on my bed, and huged my face with my two hands, dad walked past my room and heard me crying, he stopped dead in his tracks, then entered my room, got on his knees and took my hands into his "What's the matter sweetheart" I lifted up my head "It's the day, dad it's the day" i sobed "what day" he asked not thinking "It's the FUCKING day, Ella died, I..I'msorry dad I didn't mean to yell at you" he smiled at me "you two were really close wornt you" I looked him in the eye "Dad I have to tell you something" he squezzed my hand tight "what is it Des" I swallowed hard "Ella and I were,,, um" I took a breath "Ella and I were more then friends, we loved each other", "I know you loved her like a sister" I shock my head sending tears to the floor "No I loved,,, no love her like, you loved mum, what I mean to say is, um,,I, Dad I'm gay" his expression did not change "Is that it, is that what's been eating away at you" I got control of my right hand and wiped my tears "What do you mean is that it, I just told you i was gay, don't you hate me", he shock his head slowly "Why would i hate you sweetheart, if that's who you are, then i'm ok with it Des, you are still my daughter and I love you for you, sweetie, I understand why Ella's death so hard now on you" he smiled "well put it this way, at least you wont come home one day and say your pregnant" Dad always had a way of putting a smile on my face, no matter how bad things where, "anyway i kind of had a feeling, you wornt into guys, being that you haven't had a boy over, you are a growing woman, how old are you now twenty one of something" I smiled at him "aww Dad, I'm seventeen, you know that" "Yeah but i made you smile again" he laughed, "come here give your old man a hug already" I smiled and then threw my hands around his neck "I love you dad, I just wish mum was here" "I know so do I sweetie,I miss her everyday too" he replied.

I let go of dad and got up, "thank you dad, for understanding, but why did mum and Ella have to die for" dad shock his head "I don't know, but you just have to be strong" I smiled, "I will try" with thatI walked out of the room "I'm going to the park, be back later". When I got to the park, I saw Freddy sitting on a park bench, so I walked up to him, "Hay Des the Les" he said with a smug look on his face, I smiled "do you think you can not be a jerk for once", "sorry you are just so fucking hotI can't help it" he said with a huge smile growing on his face, "um I'm a Les, as you put it remember", he blinked "well yeah there is that", I sat down beside him "so let me guess you told everyone I was a 'les', at school I mean" he shock his head, "um no I didn't" for some reason I knew he was telling the truth, "why not" he smiled "if i did that then you wouldn't talk to me, IfI can't have you, then I hope we can be friends, if you don't still think I'm a jerk that is", I laughed, "well for starters you still a jerk, but if you wanna be friends, I'm cool with that", "yeah ok I can live with that, and by the way I do still have nightmares about the accident",, I looked at him, "um yeahI don't wanna talk about that, I'm trying to forget", only because I saw him die in the dream, "hey i have to go, see you in school on monday ok, bye" I said as I stood up "ok keep it real girl" keep it real what am I a gangster now, how do you keep it real anyway, as I walked away I heard Freddy call out "Des watch out" I turned around, and was knocked to the ground by, a man in a long black coat, the man grabbed at my shirt ripping the sleeve, I kicked him in the stomach and wormed my way out, why the fuck does bad shit happen to me all the time, I thought to myself, I rolled on to my back, the man was coming toward me again, but before he could get to me, he was knocked to the ground by Freddy, I screamed "HELP, SOMEBODY HELP US", the man got back to his feet and pulled out a knife, Freddy charged at him again, as he did the knife went into Freddy's chest, I starting screaming again, "NO, PLEASE, no no, not again, why me" I got to my feet and ran out of the park, when I got to the road, I turned with tears streaming down my face, to see if I had lost him, at firstI did not see him so I stopped the first car, A second latter the carspead off "NO, WAIT, DON't GO,,,,,,,,,FUCK!", I tured to face the park, to see the man, standing on the side of the road, "WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT?" by now my voice was starting to give in, he held out his hand, he had something red in his had with what looked like blood dripping on the road, "Oh my god,please don't hurt me" I said with my shaky and croaky voice, the man smiled at me, he had three missing top teeth, "You have to see this pretty girl, it's a sight to see he he he" I turned and continued to run across the road not seeing the car that was coming, the sick old man pointed at the car, and laughed, The car hit me, I rolled up the bonnet and shattered the windscreen, I could hear the brakes of the car as I continued over the roof, before landing on the ground, as i hit the grounf my head took most of the impact, I could no longer see the old man, the last thing I saw was a woman getting out of the car and running toward me, then I blacked out.

I was not sure if I was alive or dead, everything around me was just so bright maybe I was finaly able to see mum again, but deep down I hoped that i would wake up....

I am Destiny Sanders and that was my life after Ella Dodson...........


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