The Shroud of Urine

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
keep your faith in your pants, where it belongs.

Piss Painting, 1978
urine on gesso on canvas
by Andy Warhol

Submitted: December 03, 2011

A A A | A A A

Submitted: December 03, 2011



after swilling as much sicera

as he could pound down

a middle ages drunk stood over in the


somewhere in the alley behind the


whipped it out, closed his eyes &

flushed out all his toxins down upon

what he thought was the ground---

turns out there was a pile of cloths stuffed

in the crevice between the building &

the ground adjacent to it.


the cloth dried in the sun &

was stuffed in the garbage---

then, wouldn’t you know it,

one day, a devoted believer was pawing

through the refuse &

low & behold,

there layeth the holy shroud of



the psychotic believer held up the cloth

to the sun,

crusted with foul smelling urine &

babbled some idiosyncrasies to the sky---

with time,

one delusion lead to another &

soon the church got a hold of it.


believers feel that the crusted urine covered cloth


the face of their perfect jesus---

he obviously was a tortured man,

anyone can tell that by the way the maggots

congregated in the

little circles where his droopy eyes would be


the “man of the shroud” bears a moustache, a beard,

and is apparently quite buff,

standing at 6 foot 2 inches---

he of course has “wounds” that corresponded to

said big fat work of fiction &

no doubt with further study,

he will also be found to have had pretty blue eyes,

long golden hair &

it will be decided that the reason he hasn’t come back


is because he’s all shellacked with coppertone

somewhere in miami

hanging out with


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