What They Teach You

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
My suicidal best friend and my lack of strength.

Submitted: December 30, 2012

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Submitted: December 30, 2012



AUTHORS NOTE: This is the first story I have posted to this site. It is completely true, and took place today. (December 30, 2012) I hope you enjoy it. 


In school they always tell you that if someone is harming themselves, you need to tell someone. They tell you that it doesn't matter the cost. They tell you what to say. They don't tell you something extremely important- the toll on you. The strength required to break a promise, to betray a friend who saved your life to try to save theirs.

What I did last night was selfish. My best friend took ten ibuprofen and I told no one. I kept it inside. She saved me from overdosing last June, so I felt like I couldn't betray her like that. She hates her parents. She's anorexic as well as a cutter. They have no idea. 

I, too, am a cutter. Suicidal. I like to pretend to myself that's the only reason I didn't tell- I wouldn't want her to tell my parents, which she did not do. Though it was much broader. Every night I would talk to this girl, usually rather late. She knows everything about me. Coming from a background of bullies, abandonment, and rejection, I cling to her as much as I can. And if I told her parents, I fear they'd take her phone. 

I didn't think she would die, and thankfully I am correct. In fact, this morning I woke her up with a phone call at ten in the morning. Why? My mom discovered the texts of the last night. 

My downfall was my phone. It was in my room overnight, which is not allowed. (I use my ipod to text mostly). This morning, my mother took both my phone and my ipod for not getting up in time. She looked through my phone and found a text I sent to a different friend at eleven at night. Infuriated, the mother storms into my room, demanding when I sent off my last text on my ipod. I take it, look, knowing it wasn't good. 

I was up late making sure my friend who overdosed was okay. I look at my ipod. See the time listed. Swallow hard. 

"One forty," I said to her. My god, was she mad. Demanded to know who it was to and stuff. 

"Let me read it," she said. Oh shit, I was screwed. It was telling my friend how much I love and care about her and how I didn't want her to die. My mom was going to find out everything. 

"No," I said. If possible, her face grew even darker. I snatched my ipod, turned it off. Bad move. Mom made me turn it on, show it to her. "MY BEST FRIEND OVERDOSED ON TEN PILLS YESTERDAY!" I practically screamed that. I was crying then. My mom read it all. I got yelled at a bit for not telling anyone. Then forced to call said friend to tell her she needed to tell her mom or my mom was going to. I was sobbing then. I broke down after that. Told my parents I relapsed into cutting, I was suicidal, all that. My mom seriously debated if I needed to go to a psych ward. 

That's the only way I managed to tell. If my best friend doesn't get help, I won't be allowed to contact her. And I can't do that. I have discovered I do not posess the strength to tell, not like that. I didn't want to be found out either. But now we both are out in the open. And I have no idea what will happen now. 


Thanks for reading. 

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