i can still feel everything you do

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
It always happens like this.
Tyler goes to sleep, and when he opens his eyes, Lexi’s lying next to him like she never died

Submitted: January 20, 2012

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Submitted: January 20, 2012

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It always happens like this.

Tyler goes to sleep, and when he opens his eyes, Lexi’s lying next to him like she never… like it never happened. He immediately curls as close to Lexi as he can without actually touching her. He’s learned by now that if he tries to touch Lexi, tries to kiss her or hold her or even brush their fingers together, that she’ll disappear.

The same dialogue as always.

“Lexi,” Tyler whispers.

“Hi, Tyler. You look great,” Lexi whispers back, smiling warmly.

“Are you really here?” Tyler asks.

“You always ask me that.”

“You never give me a straight answer,” Tyler complains. Lexi just lies there calmly with a serene smile on her face. “Why?” Tyler asks, the way he does every night.

“You know why,” Lexi answers.

“No I don’t. God, can’t you just say what you mean?”

She waits patiently for Tyler’s frown to fade, for the lines in his forehead to smooth out.

“I’m sorry,” Tyler mumbles. Lexi shakes her head dismissively. “I just miss you.”

“I know you do.”

“How could you?” Tyler asks softly. “How could you leave me? Us?”

“It wasn’t by choice. I wanted forever with you, remember?”

“Yeah well,” Tyler starts bitterly “you got your forever; I didn’t get mine. I’m the one that’s going to be alone until I-“

“Hush. You have Alex,” Lexi says. She’s beginning to go blurry around the edges.

“That’s not the same thing at all. I love him, of course I do, but some days it’s not enough.” Tyler sighs. “Am I a terrible person?” he worries.

“Of course not. You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”

Tyler sniffs. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For not being strong enough for our son,” Tyler explains. It’s always here that he starts to tear up.

Lexi shakes her head. “Hey, hey, no. To that little boy, you are strong. To that little boy, you’re Superman.” She smiles. Tyler pretends not to notice the tears swimming in the blue of her eyes. “You were Superman to a lot of people.”

They lie in silence for a while, Tyler letting his eyes slowly rake over Lexi’s face, her body, re-memorizing everything until he can see it again. “Tyler,” Lexi starts, but Tyler already knows what she’s going to say.

“Wait, wait. I know you can’t stay, but could you…” He trails off hopefully. Lexi knows what he needs.

Lexi brings a hand up to Tyler’s face, hovering just above his skin. She skims it over Tyler’s forehead, down his cheek, smoothing over his side and hip and just a little over his thigh before coming back up to almost-cup his cheek.

“I can almost feel the warmth,” Tyler whispers. His eyes want to slide shut but he won’t let them. He can’t miss a minute of this. But Lexi is getting so so blurry that the only really clear thing left are her eyes. Tyler gets desperate. “Wait, wait, please don’t go. You don’t have to go, please, I miss you, please!” He shouts. He can see Lexi’s ghost of a smile and then he can actually feel a hand on his cheek. His eyes shoot open and a little boy with smooth brown hair and bright blue eyes is touching his cheek softly.

“Alex,” Tyler whispers.

“Daddy, you’re crying,” Alex says plaintively, fluttering his tiny fingers against Tyler’s cheek.

“Sorry, buddy,” He says, mustering a smile.

“Mommy came again, didn’t she?” Alex asks knowingly. Tyler nods. “You should tell her to stop. She makes you so sad.”

“Not for the world, kiddo. You should go back to sleep.”

“I think I should sleep here,” Alex says, not waiting for an answer and climbing in next to Tyler. “I’ll tell mommy that you need to sleep tonight, if she tries to come visit again.” He snuggles close under the blanket, forcing Tyler to wrap around him.

“Ok, Alex,” He sighs, too tired and miserable to feel sorry for himself that he’s being patronized by his four-year-old son. “Love you.”

Alex nods, yawning. “Love you too, Daddy.”


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