The Lost of the warship

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
To whoever lost themselves through the process

Submitted: February 26, 2019

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Submitted: February 26, 2019

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There are so much moments
that I really force myself
to stay strong and to
hang a bit more for them
because I cant handle it
If they’ll lose it too.
What am I supposed to do?
I need myself more
But they need me more too.

No matter how hard I try.
I persevere, my patience never run dry.
It hurts but I’m fighting back;
Can’t you see?
I guess universe will never let me be.

To the unending flow of creative ideas
but suddenly run dry.
To all the straight A’s
That turned to all-nighter cries.
To all the perseverance and leadership
That got lost and burnt out.
To bunch of ‘trust the process’
But ended up as doubt.
To all the battles I fought and won
Its painful but I need to move on.

I did not know what downfall meant until I had tasted it. Downfall is not a status of the feeling but a state. It is that of even fighting back doesn’t do a thing. It is that of even standing back up but keep slipping. It is that of trying ti be happy but always ends up crying. It is that of even with so much understanding but still hurting. It is that of so much pain and yet not stopping. 

Downfall is that of no matter how hard you keep on going, you still end up failing.

To all of the crying
That was faked to smiling.
To all of the breakdowns
You cried to calm down.
To all of the sadness
People thought was madness.
To all of the anger
channeled to danger.
To all of the simple confusion 
That channeled to infuriation.
To all of the frustration
That led to self machination.

To learn and grow means going changes and being handful sometimes. It’s about the fighting not the wins. And it is understood that it will lose count of cries. Because coping up is not to be the best. Its about not losing yourself in the process.

Life has the moment of the blank once in a while.
It is when nothing goes right and it’s fine. 
Everything is definitely going all wrong but its fine. 
It is when it hurts but cant cry.
It is when it’s okay if you’ll die.
Life has the moment of the blank once in a while;
And its okay if no one knows about it, you can always lie.

It is a good thing to fight for love.
The fight takes away all you have,
But will it be worth the risk?
Well, if you fight for what you love to do,
It makes you fight hard for your true self too.

To ‘fake it until you make it’ is the sign of the moment of the blank when people realizes it. 
The fake smile will not become real it will only be a reflex. 
The fake laughters won’t be real it will only be a multiplex. 
To ‘fake it until you make it’ is all or nothing.
It is the process of either you will keep on fighting or you won’t be getting anything.


Chasing my dreams 
Sometimes is misleading.
Especially when its hard
Collecting me in the process.
It took my self-esteem 
But I kept on fighting.
Like a warship
That’s almost sinking.
But like the island
 to the warship
And me to my dream,
The ocean was deep.
Was it just a challenge
Or am I not really for you?
At the end, will I lose myself
Or will I gain you?

Warships no matter how strong will never climb a mountain. Humans when wearing a shoe that does not fit will break its foot through the process. It is not that you want it, work hard for it and you will  get it. Everyday makes me want my dreams so much more.But if it’s not for me, will it be worth fighting for?
What happened to me?
I fought hard for my dreams
But did I not grow
Or was I outgrown?
The warship no matter how prepared
can only take so much.
Was I never enough
Or was my dreams too much?

Only the bad feelings happen always.
It only means suffering; how does it taste?
If I smile through the pain
Please tell me there’s something to gain.

Was the pain worth the deal?
Was the gain even real?
Was the win worth the fight?
Hang on there, hold on tight.

All the best parts have a catch.
wondered about it though its no match.
This is the process and it sure is insane.
Tell me what comes next after the pain.

A warship is not made small at first and upgraded later on. It is not made to be cultured and trained later on. It is not an ordinary ship installed with different armors.
A warship is made to be a warship. Created to be the best of the troupe. The ace of the pack. The secret and greatest weapon. A warship is not an upgrade it is the standard.

I was not cultured 
I am born with it.
I am of warship’s breed.
Warship is not an RPG
I am born ready.
I fight well, I fight hard,
I was named victory.
I who takes the lead
I am of warships breed.
But what happened?
Have I reached my end?
But the amount I bled
Im no match of what I’m bred.

Not a storm rage
Or a raging wave
Has been allowed
To take a warship down.
No one is allowed 
To take away
That self-respect from you.

Was I wrong?
When I let them pave the way,
When it mattered what they say?
But I am the warship,
No ocean can be too deep.
But was I wrong?
When I kept my compass away,
And do as they say,
Not thinking of the price to pay.

The voyage was fun while it lasted.
Never was calm, the blue sea,
Making the worthwhile journey.
The voyage was fun while it lasted,
Tears of Aphrodite made wishes granted.
But warships are not meant to wonder,
And that made it fun while it lasted,
To not think of the price where we’ll be landed.

I was so lost the ocean was a desert. It was hard to figure things when things to figure out weren’t clear either. The escape routes were mazes, the end of the tunnel was nothing but blank spaces. The sun to me, was not shinning, and the moon was glaring. I was so lost that the ocean I so adored became something I cannot put a grasp on almost as foreign as the desert for a sailor.

I was that warship who bravely sailed the water I never thought was too big for me
until I lost myself, not sure if on the way home or through out the journey.
I was the warship who thought nothing was good enough to stop me
until I had to taste the wrath of the god of the see, solely.
I was that warship who thought that bright as gem was shinning in me
until I saw how common are those blinding silver lines are of the wide blue sea.


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